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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What would YOU do? Random kid knocked on my door...

167 replies

probablythemostrandomAIBUever · 18/08/2022 20:04

I want to know what other parents would do, because I've never dealt with this before in my 12 years of parenting!

today a random kid knocked on my door, asking a random question and as I was answering him my DS6 came out and said hello.
Random kid then said he was nearly 9 and wanted to make friends with DS6. So they stand and chat at the door, random kid doesn't really know what to say to ds6 as he has immature social skills so he's a bit younger than his age (suspected autism).
Random kid then discloses something not nice about his parents. (Which is worrying!)

Then random kid asks to come in and play.
I said not tonight (trying to be kind!)
And he says okay I'll come knock for DS tomorrow.

Never met this kid. Doesn't go to my kids school.
No idea who his parents are or why he's out at 8pm. Not comfortable having a random kid in my house who I don't know from Adam, or his parents.
What do I do if he returns?
DS6 isn't allowed out to play as no street smarts and I don't want a random kid in my house. Or am I being a overly paranoid mum?

OP posts:
Mumspair1 · 18/08/2022 21:50

Northernsoullover · 18/08/2022 21:05

I certainly wouldn't let him play in the garden and I can't believe people are suggesting that you do. You don't know this child or what sort of a background they come from. This is a huge age gap at this stage of childhood. I would tell him if he knocks again that your son is too young and shut it down immediately.
If you have a safeguarding concern I'd try to find out his name/school and maybe speak to them. You aren't responsible for him but I would try and pass on concerns if you can find the appropriate details.

This is the stance I would take as well. I certainly won't allow my 6yo to play with this boy who we don't know where he appeared from. I would be wary as to how he knew you had a son? If he comes back, ask him which school he's from and then report it if you still feel concerned. But I would not be encouraging any sort of friendship here .

Sixsmith · 18/08/2022 21:52

I once had a kid, around 15 I'd say, knock on my door and ask if he could come in and have a poo.

KatherineJaneway · 18/08/2022 21:54

I wouldn't have answered the door in the first place

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 18/08/2022 21:56

This happened to me as a child. Stranger knocked at the door. She asked me to come out and go to the shop with her. My mum reluctantly toy agreed and gave me a fiver. I then went to the girls house and her drink mum robbed me. Completely terrifying experience. And all for five quid. Not sure if it’s a common scam but I wouldn’t be saying yes at all.

geojellyfish · 18/08/2022 21:58

Sixsmith · 18/08/2022 21:52

I once had a kid, around 15 I'd say, knock on my door and ask if he could come in and have a poo.

That IS random

spongedog · 18/08/2022 22:00

PestoPasghetti · 18/08/2022 21:43

@probablythemostrandomAIBUever

Never met this kid. Doesn't go to my kids school.

Apparently he is quite rough with other kids so not a suitable friend for DS.

I'm confused by this! How could you possibly know he's quite rough if you 'Don't know him from Adam' as you put it?

This.

Please dont judge from gossip and local hearsay. Children develop at different rates to each other. The parents (all right Mums) of my DC's contemporaries at this age (7-9) might have called my child "rough". They had - still have - a spld. It's far more than not being able to read, write or do maths in line with their peers. The dads funnily enough never seemed to have an issue (so perhaps recognised some of the behaviour). I do think a lot of this was about how females relate to their daughters. Since that age I have periodically had a lot of (supposedly) sincere apologies. Normally as the family went on to have other DC and the Mums (mostly) realised that some DC, and also some boys, present different at this primary school age.

Our DC are now late teenagers. Mine has a lovely work ethic, an engaging personality and a willingness to get stuck in. So has been employable for years, unlike their contemporaries. But I dont necessarily even now feel very kindly towards the primarily women who chose to be fucking cunts towards my child. Stop, take time, and find out good information.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 18/08/2022 22:13

In terms of your son, if the boy comes back, just say that your son is too young to be his friend, and he needs to find someone his own age. Be kind but firm. Obviously there is nothing wrong with a 6 and an 8 year old being friends in theory, but you can't let your 6 yo play with a boy who's allowed to wander around the streets, unsupervised (in case he encourages your son to do the same thing, I mean, not that the poor 8 year old means any harm).

If he has just moved to the area, school will be starting soon, so he'll meet other kids.

Unless he disclosed something really worrying, I wouldn't ask him about where his parents live etc, because he really should not be disclosing that to strangers, and you don't want to normalise him being asked. Different story if you think he at immediate risk of harm, of course.

Notmyyearthisyear · 18/08/2022 22:26

OP you’re worried about being liable for the bike left in your garden? Are you for real?

Fingeronthebutton · 18/08/2022 22:32

I’m just horrified that a child came knocking on your door at 8PM and you more or less sent him on his way 😱

IrisVersicolor · 18/08/2022 22:34

I’d say you can come and play but I need you to take me to meet your parents so I know it’s ok and they know where you are. You can tell quite a bit from meeting them. And then just have him in the house and be with them both until you’ve got the measure of him.

A boy did this with me when I was taking my little nephew for a walk - befriended me and wanted to come for tea. Turned out his parents were abusive and home life was not good. He ended up being taken into care. Very sad. I’m glad I was able to give him some support.

sjxoxo · 18/08/2022 22:55

I’d ask for his address and a phone number and ring and speak to his mum - find out where he’s living or what school he’s at (possible he’s travelling community or similar? Odd you’ve never seen him before ever unless you live in a city I think) and if she’s ok with him knocking etc. You could gauge from that whether to take to SS or whatever xxx

diamondpony80 · 18/08/2022 22:55

Where I live, from about the age 6 or 7, random kids come and knock on each others doors. They know a kid lives there and they want them to come out and play. The parents are well aware of what's happening and some actually send their kids out to knock on neighbours doors. I would never allow my own children to do it even though we live in what would be considered to be a quiet and safe area. It's still way too dangerous.

I have also never allowed a child to come in and play with mine (even though they often ask), and I wouldn't even allow them in the garden. I have no intention of being responsible for someone else's kid unless I have invited them via a parent.

antelopevalley · 18/08/2022 22:55

Eunorition · 18/08/2022 20:40

Sounds more like he was knocking on doors to reveal that 'bad' thing about his parents. That's a cry for help.

I agree with this. In a childs way he is asking for help from you OP. This is not about playing with your child. He wants an adult to help him.

SkyBluePinkYellowDots · 18/08/2022 22:58

Sixsmith · 18/08/2022 21:52

I once had a kid, around 15 I'd say, knock on my door and ask if he could come in and have a poo.

What did you say to that???

Fcuk38 · 18/08/2022 23:01

Goodness your creating somewhat of a drama. You should have just said the to poor child that he wouldn’t be able to come in and play as you don’t know who is parents are and that children cant just go into houses without their parents permission and without an arrangement being made between the two sets of parents.

IrisVersicolor · 18/08/2022 23:16

antelopevalley · 18/08/2022 22:55

I agree with this. In a childs way he is asking for help from you OP. This is not about playing with your child. He wants an adult to help him.

Show quote history

Exactly.

NotQuiteUsual · 18/08/2022 23:22

At that time of evening my main worry would be if the 9 year old had eaten. If you're trying to score a meal asking to play with a kid is a good way to get in the house and potentially something to eat.

I've had occasional hungry kids ask to come and play. As soon as they've had something to eat they're off.

mycatisannoying · 18/08/2022 23:27

KatherineJaneway · 18/08/2022 21:54

I wouldn't have answered the door in the first place

'Course you wouldn't. T'is Mumsnet after all Hmm

Leafy3 · 18/08/2022 23:28

Sounds like a cry for help to me if he disclosed something that concerning you can mention it on an anonymous forum and I would definitely report to police / nspcc.

That said, you don't need to let your child play with him.

Also, I'm sure I read an incredibly similar post a few months back which is weird and leads me to think it might be a cry for help if it's a pattern other children have done.

Marcipex · 18/08/2022 23:29

I would be worried about him.
I think if he returns do please ask his name and which school he goes to. These are normal questions to ask anyway, not in any way suspicious.

Then report your concerns. If he’s fabricating, it’s not your problem. You are reporting what he said, not trying to establish if it’s true.

You can also say what you would say in any case ‘I’m sorry, ds is too little to play with you.’
He will then probably say he will look after him…
‘Sorry but no. He says he’ll be good but he might run off.’

HangingOver · 18/08/2022 23:29

Or can you plan any holidays/days out over the next few weeks so you’re not in when he comes around?

Lol book a holiday to avoid an 8 y.o 😂

mycatisannoying · 18/08/2022 23:33

phishy · 18/08/2022 21:13

Referring to him as ‘random kid’ like 10 times is coming off a bit weird. I know he’s unknown to but it’s a bit weird just how many times you refer to him as random.

Probably because she doesn't give a flying fuck.

mycatisannoying · 18/08/2022 23:34

Or can you plan any holidays/days out over the next few weeks so you’re not in when he comes around?

The ultimate in Mumsnet weirdness Grin

OppsUpsSide · 18/08/2022 23:34

I once had a toddler naked from the waist down knock on my back door. I dressed them and called the police.
That is perhaps a more extreme example.
I would speak to the kid though, ask his name etc. And report what he said that wasn’t nice about his parents to the police.
I work with vulnerable children and worry about them in the holidays.

Abcdefgh1234 · 18/08/2022 23:37

OP i think this child is need help. He just a kid. I think he is so confused and dont know what to do. I dont think he feel safe at home.

when he come can you give him snack and drink and ask him about how is everything at home?. And where is his home? Please do call social service. I’m so worried about this child.