I don't think my partner is careful enough with our kids and I don't know what to do about it.
We have two kids, DS 2y7m and DD 7 months. I was just on the phone to Bupa as my back is bad and carrying DD is painful, DD was crying making it hard to speak, partner was WFH so I messaged asking him if he'd put DD up in the cot in her room. She hasn't used the cot yet so it has been covered in a thin plastic decorating sheet to stop the cats climbing in (she has been sleeping in a snuzpod but will be starting to move to her room soon, hence I thought it would be good to try some naps in there.) He came and took her upstairs and I continued the call while he went back down to work. By the time I was off the call I could hear her crying and when I got upstairs I found her completely wrapped up in the plastic sheeting, over her head and face and mouth. He says he thought he moved the plastic out of the way but obviously not as it was all piled on the chair next to the cot and she had pulled it through the bars.
It was absolutely terrifying - if I'd just trusted my partner to put her to bed safely and not checked, or if the call had lasted longer, I'm convinced she'd have suffocated and died at she was completely wrapped up in the plastic. I feel terrible that it happened, and I just can't stop thinking what if.
I'm really f*cking annoyed with my partner (who at first responded with a complaint that I kept bothering him while he was WFH and that this meant he could never WFH again, but later apologised saying he was rushing and should have been more careful) but I don't think it's a one off.
Last weekend he left her in her pram outside at around 830pm in our garden which is quite far away from the house, there's no line of sight, it's part forest, you wouldn't have heard her crying, and it's open to a public footpath. He was bringing things back up to the house after a BBQ (I was putting DD to bed). He didn't understand why I thought it wasn't okay to leave a seven month old baby alone and out of sight in the evening near a public footpath and kept repeating various excuses eg it was only 90 seconds (it wasn't, it takes that long to get down there let alone up, back, and packing the fridge) and there were some girls feeding some horses nearby (they weren't there when I got down, and also so what). To my mind, she could have been abducted or attacked by a fox or anything. I don't think I'm a hugely over cautious person but this feels objectively beyond the line of okay.
I'm just fed up of disagreeing about what's safe and not safe. I can't get the image of our baby struggling to breathe wrapped up in plastic and crying out of my head. I can't stop thinking she could be dead right now because he was f*cking careless. He's 37, he should know that you can't leave a load of plastic sheeting next to a cot. I'm trying to resist melodrama, but I feel like I can't trust him to keep our children safe. I feel like I can't trust his judgement. I don't know if he's just stupid which results in him misjudging things so badly, or just sloppy and careless, or if he just thinks other things are more important in the moment. AIBU to think this?
We've only spoken briefly as it only just happened. I've told him I think it was his fault that he wasn't careful enough. He keeps asking "what do you want me to say?" He says he feels terrible but I just don't think this is a brush it off, oh well never mind type event. Maybe I'm being unfair.
What should I do?