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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask whether it would it annoy you if a man didn't spend any money on a date?

84 replies

NameChanger567 · 17/08/2022 19:40

Just that really.

I am more than happy to pay for my own food and drink on a date and I would never expect a man to pay for me.
But would you feel put off if for example you went to a bar or restaurant where you just bought your own drink/food and he didn't buy anything?

OP posts:

thelittleapple · 21/08/2022 11:12

I’d have to be very charmed not to find this off-putting.

Sandcastlesinthesky · 21/08/2022 11:13

I expected men to pay for everything when dating so yes.

GoldenMirror · 21/08/2022 11:15

It’s weird, and I’d hate it.

Actually it’s one of the reasons I ended a relationship recently, as we were on holiday and he’d say that he didn’t want food, but I could just go ahead. I don’t want to sit eating alone whilst with someone!!

thelittleapple · 21/08/2022 11:15

My thinking is, if he’s not going to spend a fiver it’s probably because he goes on any date he can in the hope of getting laid, or he is absolutely skint. Being honest, either is off-putting at this time of life for me. Nothing wrong with being skint but being perpetually skint and systematically dating is a bit off, because there’s no way you’re going to be able to afford to be in a fun relationship.

Kite22 · 21/08/2022 18:01

Sandcastlesinthesky · 21/08/2022 11:13

I expected men to pay for everything when dating so yes.

Why ?

MrsU2022 · 21/08/2022 18:15

Sandcastlesinthesky · 21/08/2022 11:13

I expected men to pay for everything when dating so yes.

LOL at this

I wouldn't be married to my amazing husband if I had had this attitude!

AhNowTed · 21/08/2022 18:17

Sandcastlesinthesky · 21/08/2022 11:13

I expected men to pay for everything when dating so yes.

There's a word for that.

Original poster

NameChanger567 · 24/08/2022 17:09

UniBallEye · 21/08/2022 11:03

I would 100% turn down a 'walking date'. That's not a date in my book at all.
I am a high earner & would have no issues paying my way whatsoever but I do think it's, as a pp has said; a vetting exercise & I would not be into that at all

Op you've not said how you ended up on all these dates with no plans? Are you suggesting places / things to do?

Because if I said to a guy who was supposedly interested in meeting me 'we could go for a drink in xx bar' or 'how about a coffee in xx' and he said nah let's just meet on the high street & we'll see, I'd be saying that doesn't work for me.

I suggest places (like cafes or restaurants) to meet for the date, but as soon as I suggest meeting at xx restaurant for a first date, they unmatch me. Why could that be?

OP posts:

UniBallEye · 24/08/2022 23:05

@NameChanger567 I think perhaps when people are doing lots of online dating & meeting lots of different people it probably has the potential to get expensive very quickly.

I probably wouldn't suggest a restaurant on a 1st OLD but I would be suggesting a bar for a drink or a cafe for coffee & cake. If the potential date unmatched me for that, then I would consider it lucky escape!

Good luck - sounds tough out there! Hope you meet the man of your dreams & he treats you right forever!

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