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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask whether it would it annoy you if a man didn't spend any money on a date?

84 replies

NameChanger567 · 17/08/2022 19:40

Just that really.

I am more than happy to pay for my own food and drink on a date and I would never expect a man to pay for me.
But would you feel put off if for example you went to a bar or restaurant where you just bought your own drink/food and he didn't buy anything?

OP posts:
velvetvixen · 18/08/2022 13:54

UWhatNow · 17/08/2022 20:25

They’re tight AF so you dodged a bullet I’d say. Jeez what is up with men these days?

Agree! what a turn off.

sundayvibeswig22 · 18/08/2022 14:05

Surely Op could be the right AF one. She ordered first and didn't ask if he wanted anything. I'd never do that- even with a relative stranger and especially in McDonald's where a tea/ soft drink would be about £2.

SlouchingTowardsBethlehemAgain · 18/08/2022 14:08

He is a tight bastard.

dottiedodah · 18/08/2022 14:11

I wouldnt like this at all Im afraid! It seems odd at best and tight at worst.A meal is a way of getting to know someone and sharing food /drinks .One to swerve I think

vaingina · 18/08/2022 14:12

I believe from talking to blokes that men are fed a lot of shit on line about women trying to scam them into buying meals and drinks. Going for a walk could be blamed on lockdown, but is most likely this sort of mentality.
I wouldn’t go for walk, McDonalds, buy the first drink , or allow some random to watch me drink or eat or go out with someone who wouldn’t/couldn’t put their hand in their pockets I have always earned more than my partners and am very generous. But, all of these things are a bad sign. Just as well I am married then😂

rejectshampoodemandtherealpoo · 18/08/2022 14:12

That would infuriate me. I'm all for buying rounds and for going halves, but that's just taking the piss.

It would ruin the date.

The first date me and my husband went on I got my card out to pay, he laughed and told me to put it back and stop being silly.

He pays for everything. Sorry but it's fucking great.

SultanOfSwing · 18/08/2022 14:18

If a first date suggested a meal at McDonalds, there would not be a second date, whether he paid for me or not, and whether or not he also ate.

An elderly friend’s now deeply beloved husband, met on OLD, suggested a first date meeting venue simply using McDonalds car park as a landmark, and that was nearly enough to put her off.

FlyingSaucerss · 18/08/2022 14:21

vaingina · 18/08/2022 14:12

I believe from talking to blokes that men are fed a lot of shit on line about women trying to scam them into buying meals and drinks. Going for a walk could be blamed on lockdown, but is most likely this sort of mentality.
I wouldn’t go for walk, McDonalds, buy the first drink , or allow some random to watch me drink or eat or go out with someone who wouldn’t/couldn’t put their hand in their pockets I have always earned more than my partners and am very generous. But, all of these things are a bad sign. Just as well I am married then😂

Possibly but I had never heard of anyone going on a walk for a date before lockdown! 🤣 now everyone seems to be having walking dates! that would be a straight no for me but it seems some like it, McDonald’s would have killed it for me though

Cigarettesaftersex1 · 18/08/2022 14:23

Wouldloveanother · 17/08/2022 20:51

Why? They’d only assume you were paying for it.

Show quote history

And? Or do you expect the man to pay?

Redburnett · 18/08/2022 14:25

Date was either too mean to spend anything, or broke, or had no idea of social graces. Ditch immediately (and if he seemed like an otherwise decent guy perhaps tell him why).

WhiskyWithoutAnE · 18/08/2022 14:29

I’ve had loads of first dates on OLD.
I always pay my own way, and yes I judge guys who can’t be bothered to make a bit of effort.

The ones that are happy to take a 50/50 contribution are not bad.
The ones that say “I had a half of ale and you had two small glasses of wine then you had a coffee with biscuits whilst I only had a glass of vanilla milk shake so you owe £17.80 and I only owe £16.95” they….they are not worth meeting again.
If they can’t be bothered enough to make an effort, they probably aren’t worth being part of your life.

Nekomata · 18/08/2022 14:31

Yes, it would put me off that they are either too tight or too broke to spend a few quid on a drink. I can't be bothered to date someone like that. It's miserable.

Goldencarp · 18/08/2022 14:33

It’s weird but then I couldn’t order myself a drink and not offer my date one too. I’ve never been out with anyone where we’ve bought separate drinks! Split the food bill yes but never bought things separetely from the bar.

helenaaise · 18/08/2022 14:37

FrancescaContini · 18/08/2022 13:31

McDonalds??? 😱

That's what I thought!

I once went on a date to McDonald's but it was the 1990s and I was a young teenager.

Sidge · 18/08/2022 14:38

That’s just weird. Why suggest going into McDonald’s if you’re not planning to order anything yourself?

Mind you I’d be really unimpressed with a suggestion of a date in McDonald’s anyway - and I love a Maccys sometimes.

My friend had a date with a guy, they met for a drink. He let her go to the bar first and order a drink, and pay, and then he stepped up and ordered a glass of tap water. I mean, what a plonker.

Sartre · 18/08/2022 14:41

I mean, McDonald’s is fine after a drunken night out or when you’ve been together a while but as a first date venue? Yeah, not so much unless you’re like 15…

Yes it’s weird of them not to order anything for themselves and I would be totally put off by this.

Redburnett · 18/08/2022 14:42

I suppose years ago it was 'expected' that the man would pay for drinks/meal. Those days are long gone - despite the ongoing disparity in earnings.
But why any woman would bother with a guy who was not prepared to 'invest' the price of a cup of coffee for himself on date is beyond me. Don't give them another chance would be my advice.

Meraas · 18/08/2022 14:42

I think you did bloody well not offering to pay for these men, OP!

Do you think they wanted you to pay? There are so many wannabe cocklodgers.

Kite22 · 18/08/2022 16:49

UniBallEye · 18/08/2022 13:27

I'm a long time past dating and online dating was not a thing back then (married 19 years) so I may be really out of touch but I honestly don't understand these 'dates' where there's no plan. Literally NO plan.
How does that even happen? I can't fathom it.
A drink is suggested - surely one of you says great how about we meet at xx bar?
A coffee - the same - where will you be coming from? Ok in that case why don't we meet at XXX coffee shop which is close to the train station etc.
Would you like to go for a walk - yes XXX park / beach is lovely let's go there and there's a coffee shop / icecream place nearby

Honestly, how hard it is? Or am I utterly out of touch with how 'dates' are done these days?

I would not agree to meeting a date on the street and then awkwardly trying to decide where to go and what to do..that's a recipe for disaster imo

Same here.
I like to know where I am going / what the plan is around eating even now. That is whether I am meeting friends, family, a work colleague, or even leaving here with my dh. It makes a difference to what you wear, what you take with you, what you eat (or don't) before you go.
It just sounds odd to me to say "We'll meet by that post box then decide what to do".
Don't most dates start with a plan - meeting for a meal or a drink or a walk or a coffee - even if they can be open ended in terms of what you might move on to after that (or not) ?

Mississipi71 · 18/08/2022 19:58

SlouchingTowardsBethlehemAgain · 18/08/2022 14:08

He is a tight bastard.

😂

Original poster
NameChanger567 · 19/08/2022 18:28

Meraas · 18/08/2022 14:42

I think you did bloody well not offering to pay for these men, OP!

Do you think they wanted you to pay? There are so many wannabe cocklodgers.

I'm not sure. I think they just didn't want to spend any cash.

I have had a lot of men suggest free dates like going for a walk in the park. I am not sure why this is. Why could it be?

OP posts:
CruCru · 19/08/2022 19:01

I am old (and married) but would think a “walk in the park” date is more of a pre date - if they like your body / looks / personality then might go on a proper date.

UniBallEye · 21/08/2022 11:03

I would 100% turn down a 'walking date'. That's not a date in my book at all.
I am a high earner & would have no issues paying my way whatsoever but I do think it's, as a pp has said; a vetting exercise & I would not be into that at all

Op you've not said how you ended up on all these dates with no plans? Are you suggesting places / things to do?

Because if I said to a guy who was supposedly interested in meeting me 'we could go for a drink in xx bar' or 'how about a coffee in xx' and he said nah let's just meet on the high street & we'll see, I'd be saying that doesn't work for me.

Wouldloveanother · 21/08/2022 11:10

A walk isn’t a date. And isn’t it really awkward, aimlessly strolling trying to talk while weaving in and out of buggies/runners/dogs? Unless it’s a stunning beauty spot (and for safety reasons not a remote one!, I can’t imagine somebody offering to take me to a muddy park or a walk through a town centre 😕 to be honest it screams cheap or antisocial/boring

TitInATrance · 21/08/2022 11:11

Wouldloveanother · 17/08/2022 20:27

Ew yeah I mean McDonalds would put me off for a start, but not even buying anything? He’s either incredibly broke or incredibly tight with money and both scenarios are dealbreakers for me

Completely agree. I’d be happier with a walk round the park and a takeaway coffee, whether they bought one or not.