To ask if the second child is always worse?

[sevenoh]

Morning all,

I currently have an 19 month old toddler and honestly he's been a dream baby - he's slept through the night from 12 weeks old, barely cried whilst teething, happy to entertain himself, he's actually still in bed now from half 7 last night (will probably wake up between 7.30-8) etc I mean now he's coming up to two he can throw a cracking tantrum but he's been a pretty easy baby and I know I'm very lucky.

However, when he turns 22 months old we'll be having a baby girl and the amount of people who describe the situation as "brave" is really making me nervous like I understand all babies are different but people are saying things like oh the second is always worse, she'll never sleep, she'll do this, that and the other and basically I'm giving birth to a tiny satan (joking).

Although saying that with my first everyone said I'll never sleep again, I'll never get any free time etc you know all the horrifying things people say to new parents.

So I was just wondering is it really always the case that the second one is "worse" than the first one or is it just all babies are different no matter what order they are born in?

Also, as others have said, babies just vary so if you had a particularly easy going one first time round then there is a high chance the next one will be harder work. Definitely don't count on your second baby being like the first.

My second was and is a nightmare but I honestly don’t think that proves any theory. I’m trying to think of the families I know and I can’t think of any of them that have difficult second children.

My second was a really easy baby.The Midwife joked that he had "read all the books" as he fed and slept almost on the dot! Take no notice ,it really surprises me how many doom mongers there are saying shit like this .No idea why but it sucks!

My second was way easier than my first. There's also the fact "you know what you're doing" with a second. And.... They're all different!

In some ways my 2nd was easier, and in other ways not so. The thing that made it difficult was going from one child to two! Holy moly, nothing could have prepared me for that. We were also a 22month age gap. Can't be that bad as we're now TTC no. 3 (or I am stark raving mad - v. possible)

But, I wouldn't change it for the world. My two are best buddies.

I detest the way people find the need to make comments to expectant and new mothers. It’s like they want to undermine them or make them feel anxious. There are no rules to whether a first or second or third baby is easier or more difficult. However I felt more confident second time round, which helped a lot.

My first was colicky, never slept, screamed constantly... Slept through the night for the first time age 2.5. However he was well behaved, followed instructions and played nicely.

Second slept fabulously, was a perfect textbook baby... Now aged 3 is wild, opinionated, independent, daredevil.

Both are fun, loving and polite. But as far opposite extremes ha ha.

I know!

I don't know why loads of people are giving examples - as if such a ridiculous idea was credible. How on earth could it be true, scientifically? Half a second's thought reveals that anecdotally it is just nonsense.

It's a very good example of a statistical concept known as reversion to the mean.

Most babies aren't perfect sleepers/'dream babies'. And since most aren't, your first is out of the average. Most of the time, most things are closer to the mean (average). So most people with dream babies will get a more typical baby next time. There's also the chance of getting a really poor sleeper. That means most of the people with a dream first baby will tell you second babies are dreadful because they got a shock.

Also an example of people attributing good to themselves and bad to chance. They BELIEVE their parenting caused the good sleep so the second who doesn't is a terrible chock (and there's clearly something wrong because they are so great!).

Shock not chock!

@dandelionthistle I’d agree. I had 16 months between dcs 1&2, and found the first year with one toddler and one baby easier than the next few years of two toddlers 😳🤯

People are arses at times. I have no idea why they say such things.
I have 14 months between my DC1&2, and heard this a lot.

I heard similar with DC3&4, who are also very close in age. I had all 4 in 6 years.

ALL OF THEM WITHOUT FAIL WERE LOVELY BABIES.

I also get lots of comments when we are out about how lovely and polite they are, and the oldest is 13 now.

Enjoy your children! I loved having a little tribe and they are all good friends.