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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Update on bf taking me to exes proposal spot

60 replies

Away77 · 16/08/2022 22:39

I made a post yesterday about my boyfriend unknowingly taking me to his exes proposal spot almost daily. We have since spoken about it and he reassured me that he wasn’t even thinking about it and he was just enjoying being there with me. That I’m safe in the relationship and I have absolutely nothing to worry about.

Our day today was better, a lot more relaxed. Until this evening when during sex he got upset with me because I didn’t remember something intimate we’d done together. Apparently it meant a lot to him and me not remembering really hurt him. He said my words carry so much weight with him so everything I say is important. I just can’t believe how toxic that is. I have to police my words and now also remember everything that ever comes out of my mouth. The conversation was building to an argument so I mentally checked out and stopped engaging. He calmed down after I told him this wasn’t a good time to talk and is acting all normal now. Unbelievable.

OP posts:
SucculentSunshine · 16/08/2022 22:45

It all sounds a bit intense.

merryhouse · 16/08/2022 22:46

You mean you haven't dumped this Sensitive Little Flower yet? After yesterday's unanimous chorus?

DelphiniumBlue · 16/08/2022 22:46

I don't think I quite understand... how can he unknowingly take you to his Ex's proposal spot? If he proposed to the Ex, he must know where he did that. So either I've completely got the wrong end of the stick, or he wasn't the one doing the proposing..if there was a proposal by someone else then how would that affect him or you?
How long have you been seeing him for?

FabFitFifties · 16/08/2022 22:48

🚩🚩🚩

SpacePotato · 16/08/2022 22:53

Haven't read your previous thread but it sounds like he is conditioning your behaviour.
It's a slow process designed to make you question and doubt yourself until he has complete control.

Run like the wind.

doobydoobydooooo · 16/08/2022 23:04

You said it yourself, he's toxic.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 16/08/2022 23:07

Why are you still with him?

HellonHeels · 16/08/2022 23:07

Oh god don't waste any more time on this. He'll have you second guessing, monitoring what you say, on eggshells in case you inadvertently say the wrong thing.
No thanks.

Redshoeblueshoe · 16/08/2022 23:10

run asfast as you can

FunnyBeaux · 16/08/2022 23:13

Honestly you sound like hard work.

Notimeforaname · 16/08/2022 23:16

Just end it. This is all too messy. And hes being abusive by punishing you for not remembering something.

vodkaredbullgirl · 16/08/2022 23:16

We have already told you, that you need to leave him.

dotdotdotdash · 16/08/2022 23:19

‘you sound like hard work’

#mumsnet bingo

Cherchezlaspice · 16/08/2022 23:38

I read your previous post. You have already had multiple people tell you how toxic this man is. It’s only been a couple of months. Break up with him, fgs!

FOJN · 16/08/2022 23:40

OP I think you might have a drama addiction. I think you'll continue to revel in the dysfunctionality of it all but do be careful that it will come to seem normal. Being needed in such an intense way is a sign of control not love.

If you have any sense you'll end the relationship.

See you for tomorrow's update.

RonnieMcdonnie · 16/08/2022 23:43

RUN A MILE!

Rogue1001MNer · 16/08/2022 23:45

Is there a link to previous thread?

Summerfun54321 · 16/08/2022 23:45

Relationships aren’t meant to be this hard.

RaindayAntiques · 16/08/2022 23:46

Never feel like you have to police your words. He is testing the boundaries and it will get worse. Do not marry this man. I'm sorry to be blunt, but it will save you pain in the long run.

Cherchezlaspice · 16/08/2022 23:47

Rogue1001MNer · 16/08/2022 23:45

Is there a link to previous thread?

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4612231-bf-not-giving-me-a-heads-up-about-something?reply=119267299

PinkButtercups · 16/08/2022 23:53

Why would he even want an intense talking moment during sex?

You don't sound like hard work as PP suggested, he does.

MyneighbourisTotoro · 16/08/2022 23:56

Why haven’t you broke it off yet? I know we can’t tell you what to do but you asked for advice and it was pretty obvious that he isn’t treating you properly and is being manipulative.
From someone who has been in an abusive relationship I promise you it will only get worse, you will keep blaming yourself for things, you’ll doubt everything you do or say, you’ll always be speaking on eggshells. He is not worth it!

Rogue1001MNer · 17/08/2022 00:03

Thank you @Cherchezlaspice

Op, have you not read the responses you've been given to your last few threads?

I'll look forward to tomorrow's

Cherchezlaspice · 17/08/2022 00:08

@Rogue1001MNer You’re very welcome.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 17/08/2022 00:09

Sounds like pay back for bringing up him taking you to the spot where he proposed to someone else. Now he's trying to make you into the bad, uncaring one who can't remember the wonderful thing you said/did

Red flags a waving here and I haven't read your other post