Update on bf taking me to exes proposal spot

[Away77]

I made a post yesterday about my boyfriend unknowingly taking me to his exes proposal spot almost daily. We have since spoken about it and he reassured me that he wasn’t even thinking about it and he was just enjoying being there with me. That I’m safe in the relationship and I have absolutely nothing to worry about.

Our day today was better, a lot more relaxed. Until this evening when during sex he got upset with me because I didn’t remember something intimate we’d done together. Apparently it meant a lot to him and me not remembering really hurt him. He said my words carry so much weight with him so everything I say is important. I just can’t believe how toxic that is. I have to police my words and now also remember everything that ever comes out of my mouth. The conversation was building to an argument so I mentally checked out and stopped engaging. He calmed down after I told him this wasn’t a good time to talk and is acting all normal now. Unbelievable.

What kinda sex are you having that initiates intense chats?

You must love drama to still be with this awful man. Raise your standards.

Is this the "you have a bruise on your leg you must be cheating on me" guy?

Are you a troll?

So you were chatting during sex and he wanted you to remember something you'd done before that he enjoyed which clearly wasn't that great so you didn't remember presumably because he wanted to do it again so he sulked and ruined sex?

1. It shouldn't be this hard.
2. Stop talking during sex.

He can’t remember where he proposed but you need to remember everything you said. What a catch.

You forgot to mention that only two months into your relationship he went fully insane because you had a bruise on your thigh and he refused to accept that it wasn’t from sex with another man - that was a billion times more concerning than the proposal location stuff.

Why haven’t you ended this dysfunctional shitshow of a ‘relationship’? You’ve only known this manipulative prick for a matter of weeks and you’re already having massive issues, because he is a controlling nutjob. If you carry on seeing him, you are a complete fool. Literally everyone warned you.

This is what I also think is happening. He’s constantly testing you, breaking your barriers down by the sound of it. This isn’t a healthy relationship.

So this is a very short relationship and you only became exclusive a few weeks ago after he had a go at you for having a bruise on you leg that he thought was a hicky and YOU'VE ALSO SINCE MOVED IN WITH HIM.

It sounds like a disaster.

You clearly do not want to be with him. You’re calling him toxic and telling us you’re having to police every word that comes out of your mouth because if you forget something he’ll get upset.
He seems like hard-work and I do not blame you for leaving him if you choose too.

I’m sure you like him a lot and that is why you are sticking around but I have a feeling he is going to get worse and end up controlling you or being verbally abusive.

This is a very new relationship (not really long enough to call a relationship) that isn’t working out.

Simple as that.

So….

OP, everyone told you to dump this man (who you've only been seeing for about two months) when it transpired that a tiny bruise on your leg convinced him you were sleeping with someone else and he got so worked up about it that he had panic attacks, COULDN'T WORK, and questioned you incessantly about it for days. Then it turned out he was also 'upset' when you didn't like his favourite place that much, and that the favourite place also turned out to be the spot where he proposed to his former partner.

HE. IS. FUCKING. INSANE. What the fuck are you doing still seeing him?

Also, I've just seen from your previous posts that you're in your mid-40s and have kids, which has blown my mind because I genuinely thought you were just out of university or something if you're this naive.

Are you sure what he’s saying you didn’t remember actually happened? He’s possibly gas lighting you.

otherwise he’s looking for/manufacturing things to be cross about so that you’re constantly worried and on your guard

thats no way to live. Trust me!

this man IS toxic, he IS manipulative and controlling. This IS ABUSE.

get out now. Not in 30 mins, not in a day/week/month.

end it. The sooner he’s gone, the sooner you are safe.

this man is extremely dangerous and will ruin you. There is no possibility that he won’t.

these abusive idiots are on the same script. They all say and do the same things.

OP, either you are genuinely clueless or you are enjoying the frothing. On your other thread, the key takeaway was that he was a controlling twat who was putting stuff on you. But you still seem to think it's about where he proposed to his ex-fiancee.

His behaviour is batshit. I will put money on him telling you constantly how mean/crazy/unreliable his ex was. I can see no benefits to this relationship for you whatsoever.

Judging on everyone else's responses, you will stay with him even if he slaughters a puppy in front of you. You know deep down he is shit, but you aren't willing to actually do something about it. His ex is an ex for a reason... She saw the light.

You will see the light eventually too. Good luck until then.

And you're still with him because...? I hope you update us with a breakup post.

A couple of weeks ago I had a bruise on my upper thigh which he immediately assumed was a hickey. We were not exclusive at the time but it wasn’t a hickey. He has been losing sleep over it, unable to work sometimes, having panic attacks, needing constant reassurance from me to the point where we’ve argued quite a bit over it. He has hammered home the point that he really needs to feel safe and secure and he’s struggling to do that with me because of this. He’s not possessive or controlling in any other way when it comes to men.

This is what you wrote on the other thread (I'm not posting to bash you)

Please read it - you deserve so much better

You have only been dating a few months - please leave him, it will not get better

@averageavocado

Thank you for being kind. I realise that now and have ended it.

Some of the women here are quite nasty. I’m thankful that I have made the right choice for myself now but if I wasn’t as strong I would not have felt comfortable leaving this relationship out of fear of being called horrible names that you lot are throwing at me. I’m not perfect and that kind of language and attitude doesn’t help women in tough situations want to leave or seek help. Just a thought.

OP you need to work a bit more on your resilience. Keep this in perspective, people were telling you to dump him for being a controlling twat and now you're back again on a new thread, still with him, telling us how he's still on the scene and still controlling you and still asking should you

you may not like being told the unvarnished truth, but believe me people on here invest time and effort not for any thanks but because they saw the 🚩 🚩 flapping away long before you did and were still concerned enough to post.

To you're point, him saying That I’m safe in the relationship and I have absolutely nothing to worry about - when someone says that to you so early in the relationship, take it with a pinch of salt. They don't get to tell you you're safe, and have nothing to worry about, that's for you to decide, and quite frankly he is definitely a controlling twat telling you how to feel.

still asking should you end it with him

@daisychain01
I wasn’t asking anything. I was venting. I have since ended it but it didn’t feel good having people call me all sorts of names and making assumptions about my character. And I’m saying that you lot should really think about being more supportive when women ask for help rather than jumping down their throats.

People have been harsh about you remaining in a very new relationship with clear red flags. Why would that have made you fear you’d get called names for leaving the relationship?

I’m afraid I’m not really following your logic, here.

How did you end it and how did he take it?

@Cherchezlaspice

You’re right, you’re not following my logic. I’m saying that I’ve come here for help/advice/to vent and in return I’ve been called all sorts of things that aren’t true. That kind of negative, judgemental behaviour does not make it easy for women to come forward for help or advice when they need it.

@Greengreengrassbluebluesky
I just told him I felt like it wasn’t working and will not work in the future. He didn’t take it seriously at first, then he pleaded, then he got upset, then I think he just accepted it. I have since blocked him and all of his friends/family as his mum texted me to defend him and ask me to reconsider.