To ask your best parenting tips

[Guru30]

Anything you have picked up on along the way, hacks etc to make life easier with young kids?

The best thing I ever did was with DD - who suffered from awful tantrums/emotional meltdowns as a toddler. When pregnant with her I had felt like that at times (I thought) so I really felt for her. What I used to do what just sit quietly near her (not touching) and say ‘whatever the problem is, I can help. The one thing I can’t do is calm down for you. I need you to calm down and tell me the problem so I can help you. I will wait here with you until you’re ready.’ Honestly, I can’t imagine she really understood what I was saying. But it did work. When she was older she would still have those moments a couple of times a year, but she started looking for me and would come with me to have a cool shower and be tucked into bed. The one thing I remembered when I felt like that when pregnant with her, is that I didn’t want to fight, I just wanted an ‘out’ so the moment I saw it, I let her have it. We would talk about it much later. Now she’s a teen, she rolls her eyes sometimes 😂 but when she’s struggling, she comes and finds me, has a little cry and talks about it.
so my advice would be, don’t try to ‘tackle’ or solve or fight a tantrum, and the moment you spot they want an ‘out’ let them have it without recrimination - you can talk about it once they are fully calm and settled.

Say sorry and own your 💩. We all get things wrong, but a sorry and an age appropriate explanation goes a long way. It's important for children to know that our adult problems and projections aren't their fault. It's also great to model the process of being human, regulating your own emotions and making things right when you need to. Helps them to do the same.

Great tips so far. I would add, ensure you teach them basic ‘how to behave’ rules when they are young because puberty is hitting younger and younger these days. No good expecting them to be cooperative, polite and respectful if you haven’t taught this from a young age. I am not saying hard discipline and punishments, but simply pleases and thank yous, sharing, being kind to others, empathy and helping others. Attributes that should be recognised and praised. Positive reinforcement rather than negative reprimands.

Certainly distraction and options work well. We all like to feel we have an input. My 2 year old dgc loves a choice of breakfast or fruit. When we go to the supermarket I get her to choose which berries she would like. When we go for a walk in the buggy I let her choose which way to go, though all roads lead to the field of sheep and a play area!

Oh and I witnessed, from the beginning, a huge toddler tantrum at a day out we were having the other week. From an outsiders point of view, the child was overtired and had worked themselves up. Parents were being lovely and calm but also trying to reason with toddler. When they're that far gone don't reason. Pick them up. Cuddle and rock them, even if they're lashing out, it won't last for long, keep cuddling and rocking, I guarantee they will be asleep within 2 minutes.

Teach them to read early (no reason not to start at 3 or 3 1/2 once they know all their letters and sounds). A child who can read a book to themselves is a joy to have.

This one is tricky because the way children are taught to read now is different to how I was taught- it’s all phonics. My teacher SIL says actually having to have kids learn phonics when their parents have taught them to read at home makes her job very difficult.

The best ones I remember from that purple book they used to give you were 'try not to drop your baby' and 'try not to fall over whilst carrying the baby'. Genius!

@stairgates haha I love this tip! X

Never lie to your child.

Bar the odd white lie. By all means soften the truth, make it age appropriate, but never lie.

It completely undermines trust.

When our kids were little, we used "magic forgetting dust" when we needed a do-over. If a child had been mildly naughty, was genuinely sorry but wallowing in shame; if a parent had made the sort of mistake that an apology and change doesn't quite fix, if a child was very embarrassed about something; if we needed to clear the air after an upset etc, we would sprinkle the imaginary dust around and things would go back to how they been before things went wrong.

It gave the children a chance to calm down, save face and start over with no recriminations.

I'm a first time mum to a two year old and I work full time! Sometimes my little girl is so hyper when I pick her up from nursery and refuses to go in car seat! I've realised if I take her for a walk and some 'us' time after nursery she is much calmer and goes to bed easier! I realise she just wants to spend some fun time with me!

Don't compare your child's sleep to anyone else's... some people lie about how amazing their child sleeps and others are just lucky!

As someone else said, realising your child's feelings are valid has really helped me parent (don't get me wrong I'm not perfect) but trying to work out why they are upset can help calm at situation!

Use TV/tablet in the mornings and afternoons (or anytime you need a break)! Mornings are so much easier if my child is engrossed in CBeebies!

Remember, as wishy washy as it sounds... as long as your child knows he/she is loved there is no right or wrong way to parent and don't let the mum guilt tell you otherwise

Xxxx

Have a countdown chart that you can tick off every day until they're 18 and you can legally make them leave home.

Joking, obviously!!

Don't give in for an easy life. I know quite a few parents who would always give in to tantrums and say it was for an "easy life" but, from what I can see, it just makes parenting so much harder in the long run. With toddlers and preschoolers, once you've said no you've got to stick to it even if you change your mind. If they realise that screaming or whinging gets them what they want, even just one time, then you better believe they will scream and whinge every time they aren't getting their own way.

Never make a threat that you're not prepared to carry out. If you say "no ice cream if you don't behave in the restaurant" then stick to it. If you say "we will go home if you run off again" then stick to it. They soon realise that you mean what you say. This also goes both ways, so never make a promise that you can't or aren't going to keep. If you say that you are going to do something nice with/for them then keep your word. Don't let them down unless you have absolutely no choice.

Oh and always be prepared for any eventuality. Take everything but the kitchen sink with you when leaving the house 🤣

Always leave your time than you think you need. Somehow trying to get a small person out the door takes an eternity.

Find a group of mates who are on a similar wave length so you can talk openly and honestly

Use your local library. If you're lucky enough to have children's centre/family centre use it. Ours shit down in Covid and it was great, I really miss it

Parent the child you've got, not the child you want. I laugh at the idea of a relaxing calm bedtime because both of mine go crazy trying to get the last bit of energy out before sleeping. I'd love a sleepy snuggle with them but instead it's chasing them round the bed with their PJ's, wrestling and being climbed over.

*shut down, not shit down. Though shit describes my view on government cuts that forced the end of these services

The small sistema lidded bottles with no straw do not leak, and are quite cheap. They also do not shatter.

Their bigger ones however...

Kids tantrum (over whatever), give them two choices, both of which should be acceptable to you. They have the feeling of control, and win win for you.

Respond to rudeness/angry outbursts in a neutral tone (You are being rude, please stop.)
Teen and preteen here. If you mirror their emotions the situation escalates (Don't you talk to me like that, etc).

Sounding neutral, even if you do not feel it, de-escalates the situation quicker.

Something I have to keep reminding DH about tbh.

Don't take loads of stuff out with you. A couple of nappies, wipes, nappy bag are all you need. I used to carry the kitchen sink with my first one. With my second I realised it was a waste of my energy

Don't be hung up on your children going to sleep at a certain time. As long as they are in bed and stay in bed they are resting. Let them have toys and books in bed. They'll fall asleep when they are ready.

If you can wait until they are ready to potty train what might take some months,an older child could do in two weeks.

Don't feel guilty or pushed by other milestone, they are excellent to give an idea of average development and keep an eye but support your DC who will be different.

Buy plenty of pant/hair band's/ Drinks bottles,two of any favourite toy etc.
Use Freecycle get free stuff use and put back into the system.

Keep an eye on how they do with reading and school. Unfortunately teachers do not learn Sen in training and may not be able to spot any Sen signs , usually children need learning support at home as well.

Don't be scared to use tutor's if you think your child needs support but do a few free session's or get recommendations first.

Routine. Toddlers and young kids also like to know what is happening next, and I think too many people don't explain and just suddenly expect their kids to stop playing/watching tv or whatever activity and suddenly do something else,even if that something else might be a fun activity too it can be disturbing to be shuttled around.
Children also pick up on a lot of stuff. You may think you are having a cryptic adult conversation near them but they can understand and things may worry them.
However I also don't think it's a good idea to shield kids completely from bad things.
Respect your children. Respect their space. Give them a voice - too many talk over their kids and don't listen. This becomes a habit and one day you'll find your kid doesn't really want to talk to you.

Shoe shopping. Avoid Clarks in August if at all possible. Especially if you've only got a baby/tiny tot.

It will be a vision of hellish things to come and it is best to remain in blissful ignorance as long as possible!

Also, generally, everywhere is quieter first thing, or last thing. In between is when everyone else is out.

Oh and take talcum powder to the beach.
It removes sticky sand like a dream.

Buy secondhand clothes so they can play and get dirty.

What @AliceW89 said - prioritise.

Positive parenting. Catch them doing things right and tell them so. Pay attention when they're quiet and doing things right. Thank them for being fun people you love to spend time with.

Tantrums, nastiness etc - always deal with it but as neutrally and minimally as possible. Attention to the child they bit, not to them - but obviously also get them away from the child.

The shittiest day is a bit less shit if you're outside and/or doing things with water.

Always always go to them if they're scared in the night.
I still remember how utterly terrifying some of my imaginings in the night were, and I am still scared of the dark.

Assuming you have a DP, don't stop prioritising your relationship. Make time for each other, talk about stuff other than the DC, listen to each other, don't take each other for granted, don't undermine one another in front of the kids and try not to get drawn into competitive tiredness or whose day was worse! Remember one day it will be just the two of you again.

Don't bother with bath toys, they go mouldy inside and are a pain to clean. Never met a small child who didn't have a great time with some cheap plastic cups, bowls, a sieve and a plastic spoon in the bath, zero mould, no cleaning required!

Don't take your small child's behaviour personally. They're little, they're still learning and don't know how to manage their emotions yet. It's not you, it's just the developmental phase they're in. Actually, this applies to teens too!

Mattress protectors and pillow protectors. Always. Trust me on this, you don't need to be hand-scrubbing vomit or shit out of a mattress at 3am when you can just take off a mattress protector and throw it in the washing machine.

If you have the outside space for it I strongly recommend getting a trampoline. I know, they're an eyesore and take up loads of space but my god, I'm glad we caved! Nothing has kept our DC occupied for so much time so consistently as the trampoline. It was an absolute godsend in lockdown. We can actually sit in the garden and enjoy a drink and a chat now instead of one of us always having to be running round after them.

Anytime someone offers to help, let them!! Especially during the baby and toddler years. Resist urge to say "oh, no im fine really" even if you are fine, accept the offer to hold the baby while you drink your tea, or the offer to babysit, let your DP take the kids to the park so you can get some stuff done in peace...whatever it is, accept it. You don't have to be a martyr. And if no one offers to help there's nothing wrong with asking, don't expect people to read your mind.