Sorry about the long post, I’ve left so much out too but I really need advice if this is salvageable or not.
Partner moved in last year with me and my children. His ex partner has 4 children with only 1 being biologically his (others see their real dad and don’t call my partner dad etc he only lived with them for 2 years as he worked away) however we wanted to include them all so they all started to stay over and although manic, for the first weekend, we had fun. But, it’s just gone downhill from there.
Even though I work full time I am struggling to afford all these children as it all comes from my pocket - partner’s ex got him in debt and kicked him out with nothing (another story) but he’s working hard to fix this. So I asked to maybe have them a little less and was told no. Not only am I expected to foot the bill of my utilities and food bills going through the roof and days out being tripled in cost,
i am more upset with the way his/her kids treat us especially when I’ve invited them into my home.
I’ve had them for 2 weeks this summer. I booked a holiday for all of us the first week and as soon as we got home I was met with such distain and rudeness with the activities expected to continue. I had a few days out planned for the rest of their time with us but I couldn’t afford everyday. Days I had planned stuff my own kids were interested in were completely ruined by the others screaming, shouting, fighting and climbing all over everything. They demanded that I took them to places and were rude if I said no. I kitted out my house and garden for them prior to them staying so they wouldn’t be bored but they just fight over everything.
My house has hundreds of pounds worth of damage now and my own children have been physically abused to the point blood was drawn. I have said that the main 2 responsible should not be allowed in my home until this is addressed but after him and ex talked they’re still coming over anyway. She doesn’t want to split up the kids and refused contact to his bio son unless we have them all. She said she NEEDS her kid free weekends. I have mine and hers every weekend and haven’t complained. Until now.
We have had to work on all their behaviour from the start as they are allowed free reign at home, never said no to and mum blames everything else or mental illness’s for their behaviour. Whatever we do here is not followed up at home so I’m ready to give up. I’m really worried about my children now because I work a lot during the week we only had the weekends to have fun which I don’t even get to speak to them now because I’m dealing with my partners kids making sure they’re not fighting or breaking things constantly. It’s exhausting. (Kids are 8,10, 11 & 12 for context with youngest being my partners only bio child) Mum doesn’t mind her house being trashed and furniture ruined with the whole ‘kids will be kids’ mentality. So they’ve never been taught to respect peoples property. They will literally wipe their hands on my walls and furniture instead of washing them and throw food and wrappers on the floor and steal things. I can repaint but I can’t replace expensive things like the sofa, Nintendo and trampoline they’ve broken 😭 she has told us that their behaviour at my house is not her responsibility so if they misbehave, break something or hurt someone here we can discipline them but she won’t be following up when they come home because if they get their electronics taken off them for example it makes her life hard.
I have begged my partner that If the rules of my home can’t be followed (the rules are basically don’t fight, pick up after yourself etc, so nothing draconian) then why should I allow them over? I don’t mind treating them occasionally but I can’t do every weekend it’s killing us. He says he’s trying but it’s me doing everything, trying to figure out how to fix their awful behaviour, planning everything, cooking meals, paying, watching them etc.
I feel like I’ve made a huge mistake and am being used as a daycare and for money. I’m regularly left alone with them while partner has work or plans and have been hit in the face myself when I’ve asked one to stop misbehaving. I haven’t had to deal with this with my own so I do not know how to handle stuff like that. I treat them all the same so they don’t feel left out and I feel like I’ve being completely naive that they would appreciate that by being nice to me and my children. That’s literally all I want.
AIBU to not want this and feel like it’s not my responsibility or am I evil for not wanting to include all the kids? I tried too! I’m so tired I don’t know who’s in the right here or what’s going on anymore 😩 I love my partner very much but I love my kids more so I’m considering asking him to leave tonight so we don’t have to have our home and lives taken over by his kids anymore.