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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my friend is wrong and this can't be classed as stealing?

331 replies

Keyansier · 14/08/2022 11:06

Whenever I order a home delivery from Tesco I always get a refund on stuff that they have substituted in exchange for what I originally ordered to get money back and to keep the food, sometimes when I genuinely dislike their substitute choice or sometimes when I just want some money back.

My friend said "that is what is known as stealing". I replied "HOW can it be stealing when I call up and ask for a refund and it's at their discretion if they give one or not?" Also, I used to work in a few call centres and so probably speak to people who work at call centres politer than most other people, so that might factor their decision to give me refunds.

Unless someone tells me that they work for Tesco on the call centres and they are obliged to give everyone a refund that asks for one but they will later be punished or sacked for it if they say yes, then I can't see what the issue is if they say yes? I don't shout, or threaten or rant. I ask nicely and they say yes. If they were to ever say no, I'd simply say "okay then" and that would be that. So how is it stealing?

I just can't believe in this day and age someone would begrudge someone free food. Their tagline is "Every Little Helps". This is helping me. If they didn't want to help, they can easily say no. Or AIBU and out of touch?

OP posts:
Original poster
Keyansier · 14/08/2022 11:54

User135792468 · 14/08/2022 11:49

You get an email with the substitutions beforehand. If I’m not happy with something, I tell the driver on arrival and he says to just pop it back in one of the crates for a refund. Prices are going up anyway and they have to reflect their losses (as in the money you claim back by being a CF) in the prices also. I think your friend phrased it as stealing as you were so blasé about it even though it’s so obviously wrong. I bet she doesn’t view you in the same light now.

My emailed receipt is only emailed after the delivery is dropped off, and I don't get a delivery sheet, text or phone call or anything else.

OP posts:
Umatsu · 14/08/2022 11:54

I might have to buy a freestanding gas cooker as I am moving. I have used in the past a gas cooker and the oven burner was at the back of the oven and I could see the flame. I cannot seem to find any like that now. They seem to have the flame under the bottom of the oven, with perhaps a fan at the back. How do you light this type of oven? Do they cook ok. If anyone has bought a cooker like this in black with a glass lid over the gas hob I would be grateful of a review on the model. I do need an expensive range one. Just a normal cooker with 4 burners. Also on the second oven/grill which is normally electric can this be used to cook casseroles etc. Thanks

FiveShelties · 14/08/2022 11:54

Were you the poster who cried about not being asked for id whilst in the supermarket buying wine?

If so, you seem to have lots of issues about supermarkets.

MuffinMcLayLikeABundleOfHay · 14/08/2022 11:54

I didn't ask if people thought what I was doing was "right" I asked if people agreed with my friend and classed it as stealing
I'd say morally it is. You are doing it purposefully for the money or to get free food. It's outrageously devious.

And of course you are a liar!

If I did this I wouldn't have ever told anyone.

NotASecret · 14/08/2022 11:55

Yes, but the bigger question is: did the delivery driver ask to check your ID to confirm your age?! Hmm

Dontcareforthehaters · 14/08/2022 11:55

Keyansier · 14/08/2022 11:23

But my question was not about being morally right, to be fair, I'm not bothered about what people morally think of me. My point is, I'm not stealing, because they have 100% of all the power to say no and refuse, but so far they haven't. So my point to my friend was what part of that is the stealing part?

You sound like an utter fuckwit.

Georgeskitchen · 14/08/2022 11:56

If its inexpensive items they would likely tell you to keep the item and give the refund.

butterflied · 14/08/2022 11:56

And it doesn't matter what I think of course...but you're showing your friends who you are too, and that might matter.

Yeah, this. Usually, people care about their friends' moral compass.

Marluuu · 14/08/2022 11:57

I would class it as fraudulent, not stealing, if that helps you OP

Livinginanotherworld · 14/08/2022 11:58

It’s dishonest and shows what kind of person you are. You either have honesty and integrity or you don’t ….you don’t !
if I’m not happy with a substitute item I hand it back to the delivery driver who issues the refund through his machine.

Original poster
Keyansier · 14/08/2022 11:58

JemimaPuddleducksWaddle · 14/08/2022 11:52

I just can't believe in this day and age someone would begrudge someone free food. Their tagline is "Every Little Helps". This is helping me. If they didn't want to help, they can easily say no. Or AIBU and out of touch?

Why don't you just walk into a shop and take what you want then. I mean going by your logic no one should begrudge you some free food.

Because that is stealing. If I walked into the same shop and paid for stuff and then went back to the till and said "can I have some of these items refunded and keep them" and they said "yes, absolutely" and refunded me it would be no longer classed as stealing, which is my point. THEY are saying yes, that's okay. What is the stealing part?

OP posts:
curlymom · 14/08/2022 11:59

Keyansier · 14/08/2022 11:23

But my question was not about being morally right, to be fair, I'm not bothered about what people morally think of me. My point is, I'm not stealing, because they have 100% of all the power to say no and refuse, but so far they haven't. So my point to my friend was what part of that is the stealing part?

If you don’t care what people morally think of you why are you asking if you are being unreasonable?
Its nice to get a freebie sometimes if a mistake is made but you are setting out to regularly do this you are unreasonable. You add to losses made by the company which result in higher costs to others who might not be able to afford it. YABU

Luredbyapomegranate · 14/08/2022 12:01

It’s stealing because you know you don’t want them and rather than hand them back to the driver you deliberately play the system.

However it’s hardly the crime of the century.

Justdontgetit000 · 14/08/2022 12:01

I get a tesco delivery around once a fortnight and every single time they email my receipt with any substitutions BEFORE the delivery. The driver also explains to me about the substitutions on the doorstep too and asks if I’m ok with them. The driver is also never in a hurry or refuses to wait while I empty the crates, or walks away, or tries to rush me.

It’s weird op that your experience is the complete opposite of this in every aspect.

Original poster
Keyansier · 14/08/2022 12:01

FiveShelties · 14/08/2022 11:54

Were you the poster who cried about not being asked for id whilst in the supermarket buying wine?

If so, you seem to have lots of issues about supermarkets.

That isn't related to this in the slightest though.

OP posts:
Itsthelookitsthelook · 14/08/2022 12:01

Its definitely morally wrong.
I get a Tesco delivery weekly and always get my receipt at least an hour before, usually it comes the morning when I'm getting the delivery mid afternoon. Very rarely have the same driver twice but they always ask if I've had my email about subs and if everything is ok. The only time I've requested refunds is when I've only noticed after the driver has gone that something is very short dated so we wouldn't be able to use it, or damaged in some way.

justusandmoo · 14/08/2022 12:01

OP you deliberately take food, eat it and pretend you are not happy with it to get a refund. That's a crap thing to do but I think you know that anyway. But technically no it isn't stealing as they give you the refund. You don't force them to. Still it's a crap thing to do.

As an idea... why don't you get the refund and then donate the food to a food bank to help out those who need it?

IsleofDen · 14/08/2022 12:02

I find it baffling how many people on here are defending a massive company, that makes millions in profits, still cannot pay its staff a living wage (causing them to rely upon tax/universal credit), and even has the cheek to put a monetary limit on the staff discount.

It's not stealing and morally nowhere near as bad as relying on the state to top up your wage bill. Crack on OP, if they don't like it they will say no.

Original poster
Keyansier · 14/08/2022 12:03

curlymom · 14/08/2022 11:59

If you don’t care what people morally think of you why are you asking if you are being unreasonable?
Its nice to get a freebie sometimes if a mistake is made but you are setting out to regularly do this you are unreasonable. You add to losses made by the company which result in higher costs to others who might not be able to afford it. YABU

Show quote history

I wasn't asking if I was being morally unreasonable about what I was doing, I was asking it was unreasonable for my friend to call it stealing when the people with all the power to refuse my request always say yes, without any hint of threat, rage, anger or impoliteness from me. So how is it stealing if they never say no when they can?

OP posts:
misskatamari · 14/08/2022 12:03

From how you describe the deliveries - not actually knowing subs before, not being told about them or asked if it’s okay, and only realising after delivery, I would say you’re not entirely unreasonable. Really, you should be checking as you unload though, if you know you’re often getting subs, but if you’re not alerted before hand and are rushed I can see how it happens.

i know with Asda, I get a text before hand saying I have x amount of subs, an email before the arrival of what they are, so I can easily hand back anything I don’t want. When you click that you’ll accept substitutes you’re basically agreeing to either accept what they bring or hand it back for a refund. I wouldn’t feel right accepting the sub and then claiming money back, as yeah that does seem like stealing.

If Tesco aren’t sending this info or listing subs on arrival tho, then half the problem is with their systems and if they don’t want things like this happening, they should make sure customers know full well there are substitutes when the order arrives at the customers house imo.

so a mixed view from me. If you’re intentionally accepting subs then requesting a refund, you are stealing. If you’re accepting an order in good faith that it’s all there, and honestly realising after it’s an unsuitable sub, that’s fair enough. However if this is a frequent occurrence, you should be more careful checkin the order in, ask the driver if their are subs imo

FiveShelties · 14/08/2022 12:04

Keyansier · 14/08/2022 12:01

That isn't related to this in the slightest though.

Show quote history

Really? Just an odd coincidence then to have two bizarre treads about supermarkets in the space of a couple of days.

polka6 · 14/08/2022 12:04

Does it matter if it is stealing or fraudulent OP? Do you think if Tesco knew this, they'd knowingly let you get away with? There's your answer.

Please, for all the rest of us tax payers, please stop.

Original poster
Keyansier · 14/08/2022 12:04

IsleofDen · 14/08/2022 12:02

I find it baffling how many people on here are defending a massive company, that makes millions in profits, still cannot pay its staff a living wage (causing them to rely upon tax/universal credit), and even has the cheek to put a monetary limit on the staff discount.

It's not stealing and morally nowhere near as bad as relying on the state to top up your wage bill. Crack on OP, if they don't like it they will say no.

Thank you. That is 100% my point.

And if they ever did say no all I would respond with is "ah ok, never mind, thanks".

OP posts:
BobMortimersPocketMeat · 14/08/2022 12:04

Keyansier · 14/08/2022 11:31

I have never once received a delivery sheet, and didn't even know they give them out. I only know after they have delivered the order, when they email me a receipt. So genuinely, sometimes I don't like the substitutes, and sometimes it is just to get a refund, but there isn't a way I can check off (or the drivers have the time) every item upon turning up.

Show quote history

You must be getting your Tesco deliveries in a different way from the rest of the world, OP, if you’ve never been given a printed receipt with details of everything on it, or an email with the same thing in advance of the delivery. Strange.

rainyskylight · 14/08/2022 12:05

This is the legal definition of theft in the UK:

“A person is guilty of theft if he dishonestly appropriates property belonging to another with the intention of permanently depriving the other of it”

You are dishonestly explaining to the call handler that you are unhappy with the substitutions and have no use for them, but actually you just want them for free. I think that’s stealing.