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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have ‘defaced’ this photograph??

818 replies

Boobsakimboo · 14/08/2022 09:39

We have lockers at work, in our break room where everyone goes and one co-worker,
Jim, has a photo of a famous, topless page 3 girl on the inside of his door.
the girl in the photo was 16 when it was taken, and he’s had it since around the same age - he wrote into The Sun and got a signed one sent- so it’s very precious to him.

several women have mentioned to Jim that they’d rather he didn’t have it there as the locker door is often left open and we can see it. Jim thinks we’re prudes, because it’s famous page 3 girls, and IN his locker it’s not an issue.

Anyway, cut to last week. I was alone in break room. Locker door was open so I’m looking at this picture. There were Sharpie pens sitting on the table. So I gave the child in the photo quite a substantial bikini top with the permanent marker.

shit has hit the fan! Management don’t quite know what to do. Jim is furious, and the workforce divided into those who think it’s funny and those who think it was wrong.
no-one know who did it… Jim
his suspicions …

So MN, was AIBU??

OP posts:
whalleyt · 14/08/2022 10:10

Arguing it's OK because it was acceptable a the time the photo was taken is like arguing its OK for 8 years olds to receive no education and work a 60 hour week in a factory.

tbf lots will say this is fine & it did them not harm 🙄

QueSyrahSyrah · 14/08/2022 10:10

The picture is grim, as is having it at work when it bothers other people, but YABU to deface it when you had other options.

You say he got the picture when he was about 16 too; I therefore don't think it matters too much what age he is now, the model will also be about 48 these days presumably? Would you object if he had a picture of his Wife taken at 16/18/20 in his locker even though he's 48 now? Or are you looking for more excuses to justify your dislike of it, because you don't need to, the boobs are enough.

zingally · 14/08/2022 10:10

You defaced and permanently damaged someone elses property. Whatever your moral stand on the picture, that wasn't your decision to make and isn't okay.

AlisonDonut · 14/08/2022 10:10

Good on you but you missed a trick by not writing paedo over her head.

Flapjack637 · 14/08/2022 10:11

I voted YANBU OP.

Whilst I appreciate its criminal damage, it’s material that is completely inappropriate for the workplace and numerous complaints had already been made. Unsurprisingly yet again woman's feelings are ignored at the expense of the men’s.
Jim deserves it and it constitutes an indecent image regardless of whether it was acceptable at the time. HR should have been involved and insisted it was removed.
Deny any involvement it was you OP. I hope they can never prove it.

pictish · 14/08/2022 10:11

I don’t think you should have permanently vandalised his personal possession. I understand your reasons for not liking the photo and wishing it wasn’t there but it wouldn’t have become a battle of wills for me. I’d have ignored it.
I certainly wouldn’t have drawn on it with a Sharpie because I don’t approve. It’s not for me to force others to prioritise my agenda or preferences by ruining their stuff. Very heavy handed.

ClottedCreamAndStrawberries · 14/08/2022 10:12

YABU you defaced his property. It’s only a woman (Sam Fox?) with her tits out. The Chippendales get their abs out and women don’t see a problem with fawning over that.

Original poster
Boobsakimboo · 14/08/2022 10:12

‘Why not just take a photo and send to HR?’

bizarrely because I didn’t want to get him in trouble! HR is in the big parent company somewhere… not in the next room. For those saying I ‘destroyed’ property- the photo is fine. The girl is just now wearing a bikini …

OP posts:
Luxa · 14/08/2022 10:13

Hysterical feminist springs to mind.

It always does when the 'mind' belongs to a misogynist.

Women who speak up, who are intelligent and argue their case, who don't wish to be objectified, who don't do as you, the mighty male, say? All predictably called 'hysterical' by such as yourself.

littlepeas · 14/08/2022 10:13

There is some horrible, misogynistic language on this thread.

whalleyt · 14/08/2022 10:13

Would you object if he had a picture of his Wife taken at 16/18/20 in his locker even though he's 48 now?

a topless one of his wife at 16 would also be weird...

Barrawarra · 14/08/2022 10:13

You are a legend. It doesn’t matter that ‘it was different back then’. Child abuse was largely ignored back then! Grooming 16yr olds into posing naked for public consumption is abusive. I’d gladly be labelled a ‘hysterical feminist’ for this view! Would all those who think it’s fine be happy for their daughters to do it?

Starrystarrynight456 · 14/08/2022 10:14

Pretty shocked your management have allowed it. Leaving themselves wide open to discrimination and sexual harassment claims (creating a hostile work environment). Can't be bothered to link, but plenty of legal websites saying as much and believe there has been case law on similar situations. Not sure why anyone would think this is appropriate in a work place. I remember doing similar on a topless calendar when I was a teenager many years ago - how depressing we have men and managers who still think this is acceptable in 2022. Not ideal that you destroyed his property but he sounds disgusting so don't have too much sympathy.

Maireas · 14/08/2022 10:14

littlepeas · 14/08/2022 10:13

There is some horrible, misogynistic language on this thread.

As ever. The word "hysterical" had even been deployed 🙄

Squashedraddish · 14/08/2022 10:14

yanbu. People had tried telling jim they felt uncomfortable and he ignored them. Management were ignoring it. I would also feel uncomfortable at seeing a topless kid every time Jim opened his locker. Jim is not 16 any more- it’s not appropriate to have half naked pictures of women/ teenagers at your workplace. Wife, model, whoever- it really isn’t appropriate and worse so if it’s a child in the photograph. 16 is a child- it may have been ‘different back then’ but we are not ‘back then’ anymore. I think it’s great. Well done OP.

tulips9 · 14/08/2022 10:14

I'm with you @Boobsakimboo I would have possibly done this then be super scared I'd get into trouble Grin

whalleyt · 14/08/2022 10:15

Tbf if the OP had gone to HR I'm sure it would be quite a big deal

MrsMcisaCt · 14/08/2022 10:15

Even though I loathe page 3 photos I feel sorry for Jim. It was obviously precious to him and now you have ruined it. I agree he should never have taken the photo to work though, very inappropriate.

Sparklingbrook · 14/08/2022 10:16

Boobsakimboo · 14/08/2022 10:12

‘Why not just take a photo and send to HR?’

bizarrely because I didn’t want to get him in trouble! HR is in the big parent company somewhere… not in the next room. For those saying I ‘destroyed’ property- the photo is fine. The girl is just now wearing a bikini …

There is HR then? An email to them would have been the way to go. It is destroyed because you can't erase Sharpie can you?

Can't wait to see what Nadia Sawalha and Janet Street Porter make of this next week.

saleorbouy · 14/08/2022 10:16

Jim should have taken the picture home for the wardrobe door.
You shouldn't have defaced his possession.

MakeItRain · 14/08/2022 10:16

I can't get worked up about what you did. You made numerous complaints and he took no notice. That's the risk he took by leaving it there when people had made it very clear they found it offensive.

bluberries · 14/08/2022 10:17

WaitingForWinter1 · 14/08/2022 09:54

Do you ever see topless women on holiday? God help you if you ever do - you'd probably cry

Holiday is not the workplace.

pictish · 14/08/2022 10:17

The photo is not fine. You have drawn on it. You have ruined something he has held on to for the entirety of his adult life for whatever pathetic reason he wanted to. It’s irreplaceable and you took it upon yourself to take it from him because you don’t approve. Who do you think you are?

Sparklingbrook · 14/08/2022 10:17

You made numerous complaints and he took no notice

But not to the right people. ie HR

Discovereads · 14/08/2022 10:18

YABU
You damaged someone’s personal property that is actually a quite valuable signed vintage photo and irreplaceable. It’s something that was very precious to an older man that he had treasured since he was 16- so for decades.

You were also being an entitled vigilante about it by going against management decisions that employees can have what they like in THEIR LOCKERS so long as it’s not illegal. You have no right to be the self-appointed morality police of the locker room.

The picture was on the INSIDE of HIS LOCKER- so not displayed in a prominent place as you trying to imply. And I doubt very much he is wandering off and leaving his locker door wide open and unlocked during the work day. It’s open while he’s in the locker room which is perfectly fine.

Quite frankly, you’re a bully and I hope you get caught and disciplined.