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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have ‘defaced’ this photograph??

818 replies

Boobsakimboo · 14/08/2022 09:39

We have lockers at work, in our break room where everyone goes and one co-worker,
Jim, has a photo of a famous, topless page 3 girl on the inside of his door.
the girl in the photo was 16 when it was taken, and he’s had it since around the same age - he wrote into The Sun and got a signed one sent- so it’s very precious to him.

several women have mentioned to Jim that they’d rather he didn’t have it there as the locker door is often left open and we can see it. Jim thinks we’re prudes, because it’s famous page 3 girls, and IN his locker it’s not an issue.

Anyway, cut to last week. I was alone in break room. Locker door was open so I’m looking at this picture. There were Sharpie pens sitting on the table. So I gave the child in the photo quite a substantial bikini top with the permanent marker.

shit has hit the fan! Management don’t quite know what to do. Jim is furious, and the workforce divided into those who think it’s funny and those who think it was wrong.
no-one know who did it… Jim
his suspicions …

So MN, was AIBU??

OP posts:
Samarie123 · 14/08/2022 13:07

whalleyt · 14/08/2022 13:02

I presume @Samarie123 is just being contrary as opposed to a supporter of indecent child images as a bit weird to be so angry at the OP.

Pathetic!

MrsLargeEmbodied · 14/08/2022 13:07

Trixiefirecracker · 14/08/2022 13:04

I’m totally appalled at people on this thread thinking it’s ok and trying to justify it. Are you just being contrary for and argumentative because you want a good only me fight? Something gone wrong with your Sunday?

absolutely
all gone a bit bad tempered here!

StaunchMomma · 14/08/2022 13:08

SirVixofVixHall · 14/08/2022 13:01

This.
Having a pin up of a topless under- eighteen year old up in the workplace ? I am astonished anyone thinks this is fine. Having an adult woman’s topless image, (or a man with his penis on show) is surely not ok wherever you work ?

Show quote history

So many women on here prepared to stand by this AND be abusive to women who don't.

I bet their Dad's loved page 3 and they're desperate to defend it.

Fucking hideous.

MrsLargeEmbodied · 14/08/2022 13:08

must be the hit, assuming there is heat for all!

powergrip · 14/08/2022 13:08

@Samarie123 oh yes I'm sure middle aged male Jim was just looking at a child's 'tits ffs' and thinking about the benefits of breastfeeding.

whalleyt · 14/08/2022 13:09

Are people seeing breasts as sexual? Weird

yes the law does count that as an indecent image of a child, weird you don't tbh 🤷🏻‍♀️

Fluffymule · 14/08/2022 13:09

Why did he bring this into the workplace?

Why not keep it at home where he can ogle to his hearts content?

He may feel it's of no issue to him, but he is aware others aren't keen as he's had conversations with others previously.

The fact he has no courtesy or care towards other people's feelings, particularly in a place where he shares a working environment where he doesn't get to set the rules, speaks volumes about his character.

For that alone I applaud your actions. (Never mind the whole sexist shit and groomy undertones that make him sound like a pig.)

Thelnebriati · 14/08/2022 13:10

StaunchMomma Not everyone posting on Mumsnet is a woman, or posting in good faith - you'll notice it gets worse in the school summer holidays...

whalleyt · 14/08/2022 13:11

Pathetic

yes you are

SapphireSeptember · 14/08/2022 13:12

thecatsmum12346 · 14/08/2022 11:57

well done! It’s horrible having a picture like that on display and women should not be made to feel uncomfortable in their workplace. I used to have a guy working for me who looked at online porn. I took my concerns to my director and was ignored. The guy is now in prison..,

I wonder why? A sex offence? Or something else?

Hobbesmanc · 14/08/2022 13:12

Weird is posters who don't think that page three breasts aren't totally bloody sexual. Totally titillating as the dick heads at the Sun would chortle.

Stop being feeble enablers.

Whitehorsegirl · 14/08/2022 13:16

''Discovereads ·YABU
You damaged someone’s personal property that is actually a quite valuable signed vintage photo and irreplaceable. It’s something that was very precious to an older man that he had treasured since he was 16- so for decades.
You were also being an entitled vigilante about it by going against management decisions that employees can have what they like in THEIR LOCKERS so long as it’s not illegal. You have no right to be the self-appointed morality police of the locker room.The picture was on the INSIDE of HIS LOCKER- so not displayed in a prominent place as you trying to imply. And I doubt very much he is wandering off and leaving his locker door wide open and unlocked during the work day. It’s open while he’s in the locker room which is perfectly fine.Quite frankly, you’re a bully and I hope you get caught and disciplined.''

FFS

-This is not ''his locker'': this is his employer's property and premises. He would have signed a contract that state he should not be bringing the company into disrepute
-the employer also has a duty to run a workplace where employees are not subjected to questionable material which can cause offence
-displaying a picture of an underage girl in a state of undress at work is gross misconduct and would result in the employee being sacked by any decent HR department/employer.

You can try to dress this up as much as you can, that picture should never have been there in the first place.

I think there is such an incredible sense of entitlement here in saying that a man cannot spend 8 hours in a work environment without being able to display/look at a picture of a half naked girl that can also be seen by the rest of the staff.

And that if a woman objects to that and takes action, because the male management is refusing to, she should be the one to be punished.

When you think about it, it is actually mind-blowing...

WinterDeWinter · 14/08/2022 13:17

Jesus the self-loathing YABU women on here must barely be able to eat a morsel for all the misogyny they have internalised.

It's exploitative. It's sexual material in the workplace. It reminds women they are merely objects of the male gaze. It's deliberately intended to make women feel powerless because he's refused to move it. And... it's child pornography. She was sixteen.

What the fuck is wrong with you people? Do you know any sixteen year olds, any of you? How bad would it have to be before you'd stop performing 'cool mom'?

WinterDeWinter · 14/08/2022 13:24

Also, illegal:

"The UK’s Equality and Human Rights Commission, in its definition of sexual harassment, lists the display of sexually graphic pictures, posters, or photos as an example of unwanted conduct of a sexual nature."

www.ft.com/content/ead0956e-de96-11e7-a0d4-0944c5f49e46

ArtixLynx · 14/08/2022 13:24

WinterDeWinter · 14/08/2022 13:17

Jesus the self-loathing YABU women on here must barely be able to eat a morsel for all the misogyny they have internalised.

It's exploitative. It's sexual material in the workplace. It reminds women they are merely objects of the male gaze. It's deliberately intended to make women feel powerless because he's refused to move it. And... it's child pornography. She was sixteen.

What the fuck is wrong with you people? Do you know any sixteen year olds, any of you? How bad would it have to be before you'd stop performing 'cool mom'?

i a yabu voter, as i said upthread.. i absolutely agree the photo is digusting, her college is a perv, and it 100% shouldn't be in his locker for everyone to see.

However, i still disagree with her defacing it someone elses property in their private locker. That was not ok.

Butchyrestingface · 14/08/2022 13:25

If you had a photo of a partner you'd had when you were both sixteen, would you destroy it? Or would you enjoy the nostalgia?’

I thought Jim wrote to the Darkness Sun and got a copy. Didn't know he'd been squiring Samantha Fox around town when he was 16. Confused

whynotwhatknot · 14/08/2022 13:26

youre a bit of both so i havent voted

no it sholdnt be up its probably illegal now but you shouldnt have defaced it either

2manycats · 14/08/2022 13:27

WinterDeWinter · 14/08/2022 13:17

Jesus the self-loathing YABU women on here must barely be able to eat a morsel for all the misogyny they have internalised.

It's exploitative. It's sexual material in the workplace. It reminds women they are merely objects of the male gaze. It's deliberately intended to make women feel powerless because he's refused to move it. And... it's child pornography. She was sixteen.

What the fuck is wrong with you people? Do you know any sixteen year olds, any of you? How bad would it have to be before you'd stop performing 'cool mom'?

100x yes!

TeapotTitties · 14/08/2022 13:28

I voted YABU because I've read this story twice in the last 5 or 6 years.

The last time was in a woman's magazine.

Frustratedandsneezy · 14/08/2022 13:30

Management don’t have a leg to stand on. They should’ve got involved long before now at stopped a member of staff from displaying soft porn at work, particularly when they knew it was upsetting other members of staff.

the only response from management should be to question why this was on display… and it was on display because if it weee locked away then bikinigate couldn’t have occurred.

baller move though complaining to management

Brieandcamembert · 14/08/2022 13:30

You can't ruin other people's things because you do t like them.

I don't like people smoking but i wouldn't mash their cigarettes up. My vegan friend doesnt like that I eat chicken but she doesn't steal my Sandwiches.

You can't just decide that your very important opinion means you can do what you like.

whalleyt · 14/08/2022 13:32

You can't ruin other people's things because you do t like them.

I would definitely ruin a racist image at work & go to HR.

Trixiefirecracker · 14/08/2022 13:33

whalleyt · 14/08/2022 13:32

You can't ruin other people's things because you do t like them.

I would definitely ruin a racist image at work & go to HR.

This. I would too.

derxa · 14/08/2022 13:33

TeapotTitties · 14/08/2022 13:28

I voted YABU because I've read this story twice in the last 5 or 6 years.

The last time was in a woman's magazine.

I think you're right here

Marchitectmummy · 14/08/2022 13:35

Defacing something that isn't yours can only ever be wrong. Of course you shouldn't do that. Why didn't you just take it down or wedge the door closed or face the other way. So many options but you chose the one which led to you damaging something that wasn't yours.

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