Downstairs neighbour complaining about child making noise

[TheseAreMyGoodPants]

Hi all. Wondering if I'm BU to be hacked off?

We've literally just had a knock on the door from our downstairs neighbour. We live in a maisonette, we're in the top flat he's on the bottom. He said 'listen, can you tell your kid to be quiet and stop running around?'.

I am honestly speechless. We have a three year old and a newborn. Yes, she was running up and down the hallway and laughing, but she's 3 and doesn't understand she needs to be quiet at certain times of day. We've lived her for four years, never had any issues or complaints from other neighbours or the ones who lived below previously.

I am absolutely fuming but I don't know if I have a right to be. To me, if you live in a shared building you run the risk of hearing noise. And it's not as if we're playing music or running the washing machine. You know, noise you can prevent or limit. Does he expect us to gag and tie up our child?

Am I BU or is he?

[Mintyt]

I would say your sorry, you have carpets and have told your 3year old to try to be considerate, but she is 3 it's a flat and your are downstairs, I do try but sometimes we will be noisy

[Arbesque]

@Mintyt

I would say your sorry, you have carpets and have told your 3year old to try to be considerate, but she is 3 it's a flat and your are downstairs, I do try but sometimes we will be noisy

It's the parents who have to be considerate. Distract their child, get up and read to her, get dressed and take her to the park, get up and give her breakfast, whatever it takes.

[ididntwanttopostthis]

YABU.

I live under a family with a child who runs ALL DAY AND NIGHT- they moved in after us, so we had no idea.
It is honestly hell at times, it sounds like a fully grown adult hammering up and down their flat.
You say it’s only twice, but if that’s every day it soon drives you mad and you feel like you’re living on edge waiting for it to start again.

[Patsy400]

It is a bit early to be making noise on a weekend morning, maybe it’s your neighbours only chance to have a lie in all week. You probably wouldn’t be happy if he had tv/ music on loud in the evening
(and if he does, you now have the perfect opportunity to raise that with him)

As a rule of thumb, I’d say absolute quiet between 11pm- 8am is being considerate.

[LovelyLovelyWarmCoffee]

Of course you don’t let a child « run up and down the hallway » before 8am on a Sunday when you have downstairs neighbours…
If you stay with your child and make sure they are entertained you can 100% prevent it, and if you have a very active one you just have to go outside - we used to take DD for a walk to buy pastries for breakfast when she had energy to burn early in the morning.

[girlmom21]

@Whatever00

Put a rug on the carpet and by her soft slippers. Then if he knocks again tell him I have put a rug and got her slippers to minimise the noise. You have tried to consider his needs but unfortunately, in shared space you are going to hear other people's noise. End of.

This is a good idea. Try to minimise the noise as much as possible.

[gogohmm]

Running up the corridor is fine, up and down repeatedly is not on. I lived in a flat with wooden floors and no mine did not run up and down.

[Ilovemycatalot]

You would be my nightmare neighbour. But then I’d never live underneath someone in a flat given a choice I’d try and get the top floor flat. Living underneath someone is hell unless you live in a totally soundproofed flat.

[LaCasa]

I know you say it's twice, but is this really the only time and could it just be he's so sick of it he's had to say something? Are you "fuming " because it's now not only his problem, but yours too to do something about?

[LakieLady]

@TheseAreMyGoodPants

@DancingBeanstalk what would you suggest then other than distraction and telling her no, which is what we've been doing? Thank you for suggesting my parenting is poor though, very kind of you.

Take her to the park where she can run around to her heart's content without disturbing anyone.

[CactusBlossom]

@Carpetfluffy

YABU. Massively!

Bet you'd be right down there if he put music on and woke your kids up at night but it's okay for your 3 year old to run around and wake him
Up before 8am on a Sunday because she's 3?

Brill

This ⬆️
If he started playing piano, violin or a drum kit before 8am on a Sunday, or when the children were sleeping, you'd be complaining. I don't see why you should be fuming; apologise and move on. I don't know if your downstairs neighbour does shift work, but it's not unreasonable to expect a bit of peace and quiet on an early Sunday morning.

[rwalker]

It’s probably the straw that broke the camel’s back
tbh a 3 year old and new born should imagine you not going to be the quietest family to live under

and those who say it’s a shared building that cuts both ways

[ManateeFair]

I think that if someone thought it was worth getting up, getting dressed and going upstairs to have a word at 7.30am on a Sunday morning about the noise, this was definitely a) not the first time this has happened and b) not just a matter of a toddler running into a hallway and laughing twice.

What are the other things he’s complained about?

LOL at people who think 7.30am on a Sunday ‘isn’t early’

[QBee2022]

I clearly missed the mumsnet robot 3 year old delivery judging by these replies

[badgerstink]

I've had this many many years ago when our older upstairs neighbours had DGC to stay. The noise appeared to amplify and ultimately we had to complain. They were completely indignant and a right pair of sanctimonious arses about it

If I were you I'd go down, apologise and give him your mobile no so if it becomes an issue again he can just text you. If relationships between you and your neighbours sour further your life will become incredibly difficult. Try and keep them friendly if you can

[Tiamariaa]

I hope the neighbour decides to have frequent loud parties that keeps you and your kids awake!
yabu, and very selfish!

[Dalaidramailama]

@LadyCampanulaTottington

So you live in a big detached house with a massive garden yet you come on here saying that OP is the problem. I presume your kids are running free and not being forced to be quiet.

OP don’t come on mumsnet with this issue. They’ll tell you to sit your kid in the corner all day glued to a telly or another quiet activity whilst their own offspring get the run of detached houses and gardens.

Your neighbour does indeed need to get fucked.

[liveforsummer]

You made Edinburgh live OP 😆

[NeedAirCon]

You made it into The Mirror too!

[rainbowmilk]

You remind me of a colleague of mine with a number of noisy children and a neighbour she’s been feuding with for years. The last time she (neighbour) complained, my colleague told her that when a person has children, society has children, and therefore it’s on society to help raise and nurture them, and tolerate their noise. How neighbour didn’t lose her temper I’ll never know.

[BlackBirdOfChernobyl]

When I lived in a flat, luckily I didn't have noisy neighbours, but an inconsiderate mother who brought her two toddlers to the private lawn and let them run around screaming bloody murder. Note, there is a perfectly good park just five minutes down the road but I guess she didn't want to pay the parking fee.😒

She stopped doing this after I, having finally had enough, went out and told her that this wasn't a stately home and these grounds were not open to the public.

[Dcs4669]

How at 3 years old doesn't your daughter understand how to behave. Even with our first child by one understood acceptable behavior at different places and times. Kids are not dumb they understand when you explain things to them. We never had behavior issues starting around one year old in restaurants, stores, friends and family places, air planes etc.... we talked to our kids and provided an explanation usually with a little humor thrown in. The look of surprise on my kids faces eating in a restaurant and watching other toddlers running around and crawling under tables was of shock and they couldn't understand why their parents were not controlling them. Not everyone is educated enough on parenting and that is sad, this should be a priority in schools.

[Chase785]

So as a young single, partying every wknd is normal for ME, so 'tough' for the 3yo, huh??!!!? ItS nOrMaL sInGlE bEhAvIor!!!

[July72nurse]

I raised 4 kids in apartments. If your child does not understand then it is the parents job to enforce rules that are in place to make sure all apartment renters can enjoy their own space. I have been on both sides of this fence. Sorry to say , but you are at fault here.

[footiemum3]

Maybe you don’t realise how noisy it is. I used to live in the flat and a work colleague and his young family lived above. One day he was down in our flat and couldn’t believe the noise of his kids above, we had never complained as they were still young but after that they were definitely quieter.