Downstairs neighbour complaining about child making noise

[TheseAreMyGoodPants]

Hi all. Wondering if I'm BU to be hacked off?

We've literally just had a knock on the door from our downstairs neighbour. We live in a maisonette, we're in the top flat he's on the bottom. He said 'listen, can you tell your kid to be quiet and stop running around?'.

I am honestly speechless. We have a three year old and a newborn. Yes, she was running up and down the hallway and laughing, but she's 3 and doesn't understand she needs to be quiet at certain times of day. We've lived her for four years, never had any issues or complaints from other neighbours or the ones who lived below previously.

I am absolutely fuming but I don't know if I have a right to be. To me, if you live in a shared building you run the risk of hearing noise. And it's not as if we're playing music or running the washing machine. You know, noise you can prevent or limit. Does he expect us to gag and tie up our child?

Am I BU or is he?

In your op she didn't do it once. She was "running up and down the hallway".

Yep. I can't help but think that the OP is back pedalling.

There's a difference between running down the hall laughing once, and one episode of 'running up and down the hall laughing' which could have lasted minutes.

By the same token, if OP doesn't like having to keep her 3yo quiet on a Sunday morning, she can go and live somewhere else too.

Precisely

She has carpets

You are my worst nightmare OP. You and the rest who are saying it’s his problem.

Im so glad I live in a detached home with a massive garden. Makes all the hard work worthwhile to avoid selfish bastards.

Do you really think every has complete free choice of where they live? If that was the case OP could live in a bungalow and dd could run around to her hearts content. In real ice often people have to take what they can get or what they are given in the case of social housing/ housing association. That's why people generally need to be considerate- which is different to walking on eggshells. I still that from a young age. 13 months I'd understand, by 3 it should be quite well ingrained. The story turned quite quickly from the dd running up and done laughing and couldn't be expected to stop or have anything done about it to only happening twice with attempts to correct in between once OP was told unanimously that she was BU. I'd also guess that this wasn't the first time it a happened.

You said 'he has complained about other things but not about noise' Would you care to elaborate on what else he has complained about? I'm wondering if there's a bigger picture here...

I don’t think either of you are being unreasonable.

Obviously he doesn’t want to listen to your children- probably never in all honesty by the sounds of it (yes knocking after it only happens twice is unreasonable).

You live there and have children who will make noise- it’s a good job he isn’t my neighbour. DD had colic. There’s not much you can do, let them watch tv for a bit, read for a bit, watch a pad. There will be times the children won’t comply, that’s the end of that! He will have to deal with it. It’s normal household noise and that’s it!

@liveforsummer 😂😂by 3 it should be ingrained?! Do give over.
@LadyCampanulaTottington Sure you do 🤣

Can spot all the new, goady responses for a mile off.

The story turned quite quickly from the dd running up and done laughing and couldn't be expected to stop or have anything done about it to only happening twice with attempts to correct in between once OP was told unanimously that she was BU. I'd also guess that this wasn't the first time it a happened.
Nailed it ^

@liveforsummer

Agreed. It does take consideration on both sides. I had a downstairs neighbour tell me my 2 year old was making too much noise in the middle of the day so she couldn’t sleep. I told her he was allowed to make noise in the middle of the day and that my children would be quiet come the evening. I certainly wasn’t going to keep my kid quiet so some stoner who never worked could get some sleep at 2pm in the day!!

So many variables here.

I agree with this.

Yes it was early BUT the child is 3! Only
On Mumsnet do 3 yet olds follow all instructions and never act up!

YABTotallyU. Yes, it's a pain in the arse having to constantly tell your DC to walk quietly, not run etc but it's something you do if you're in a top floor flat.
Presumably you tell her to be quiet if the younger one is sleeping so you tell her the neighbour is probably asleep and she needs to be quiet- so she understands why she has to be quiet. Or you take her out to the park or for a walk. Ask her if she can walk like a fairy or a mouse or something un-elephant like. You need to get her trained before the younger one starts too!

Mumsnet can be so funny about kids being kids. If you'd put her in the garden to run (if you have one) they'd be saying it was far too early for them to be outside as well.

What is the layout of the flats? Are they similar above and below? I'm just wondering where the neighbour is heading the noise, if they're in bed still for eg then is your child running in a room above them?

I really can't see how the footsteps of a 3 year old can be that loud, I always have something on like a TV or radio when I'm awake so maybe that helps mask sounds. In my previous flat I lived below a family with 2 small children and in the living room I would occasionally hear them moving (as their living room was above mine) but it was really muffled and easy to drown out.

I wouldn't notice if your child was running above me at 7.30 on a Sunday anyway, because I'd still be sleeping away.

No, that's fair. I mean if it was a shift worker I'd probably make some effort to take them out or keep quiet same as I'd make every effort to be quiet at 7am on a Sunday - but not someone who wants to sleep at 2pm as a lifestyle choice.

If you have never lived in a downstairs flat, then you would have no idea of just how loud upstairs neighbours can be. Most buildings have little to no soundproofing, and something as simple as walking to the bathroom in bare feet can sound like a stampede of wildebeest to the downstairs neighbour. I had this problem with upstair shagger neighbours. Their bed was directly above mine and it honestly sounded like my ceiling was going to come down. I recorded it and took it round and let them hear it the next day and the lady was mortified!

If you are on good terms with the neighbour maybe ask if you can go downstairs and have your dh walk around upstairs with your dd. You might be surprised how loud it is.

we lived in a flat with child about that ran about and rode what I assume was a tricycle. It was INTOLERABLE. I assume they didn’t realise how much he did it (as they were shocked when we politely commented), but honestly the pounding and scraping felt constant and would wake us up at weekends. I was generally quite tolerant of sound but it does get to the point it’s a bit like torture.

I assume she does it at other times too and this was just the icing on the cake for your neighbour.

I doubt very much he came charging up really annoyed because he heard one incident of your child running down the hall.

Your flabbergasted indignation in your first post sounds as if you were completely oblivious to the noise your child was making, because you had no complaints before about it.

This man may have been biting his tongue for months for all you know. Or has he perhaps dropped a couple of polite hints that you ignored?

If you'd said in the OP that it was twice you may have got different responses but you said:

Yes, she was running up and down the hallway and laughing, but she's 3 and doesn't understand she needs to be quiet at certain times of day

Running up and down the hallway is not the same as only doing it once then later once again - it now sounds as if you're back tracking because the comments didn't go your way.

If it was genuinely only twice, yanbu and it's noise to be expected. If however she was actually running up and down, YABU and should have stopped her. Sitting her in front of peppa pig isn't the answer but things like colouring, crafts etc would be quieter or even if she'd just walked instead of running, it's amazing the difference it makes

This sounds like what happened. Op you starred off quite arrogantly as if you are in the right. Your children are not the problem of others to deal with. You can't hold your hands up and say well that's what children do. Other people didn't choose to have your kids, you deal with it. Put her in front of the TV or give her a quiet activity, or sit with her and play a game until it's a reasonable time. I've had a 3yo and it's perfectly reasonable to expect them to understand basic rules.

I live in the same kind of property to you OP and it can be really difficult, you are so close to your neighbours you might as well live together.

I think YAbothNBU, your neighbour is right to bring it to your attention if something bothers him, rather the silently seething and the problem getting bigger. You are right that a child is a child and you have to accept some level of noise living in a flat.

When we first moved here DS was 3 and the neighbour mentioned she could hear him running up and down, I apologised and explained that we would do our best to be quiet, thankfully we were getting our carpet fitted the following week. My carpet fitter was great and said he'd had this problem before, we went with the underlay/carpet he suggested and our downstairs neighbour doesn't hear a thing from us now. DS is 7 and he can be heavy footed running up and down from his bedroom to the lounge and my neighbour still doesn't hear him. I am not sure if you are in a position to consider this option but thought it was worth mentioning.

Kids can be kids in the appropriate places. They can't run round upstairs flats all the time.

Three is old enough to have this rule and mostly adhere to it. I guess this morning was the straw that broke the neighbours back.

Tricky!

Yes neighbours have to accept that kids make noise, but I can see that loud noise at 7am on a Sunday may be unwelcome. Does your neighbour work - Sunday morning might be his only opportunity for a lie-in.

I think it's not unreasonable to try and keep noise down on a Sunday morning until after 9am...

Put a rug on the carpet and by her soft slippers. Then if he knocks again tell him I have put a rug and got her slippers to minimise the noise. You have tried to consider his needs but unfortunately, in shared space you are going to hear other people's noise. End of.

I don’t think you’re unreasonable OP. Surely a three year old running down their own hallway is normal family noise? It’s not like you’ve set her up with drums and Cocomelon on full blast.