As a person living with Autism to be fed up of all the weird and negative autism threads in the last few days?

[PipinwasAuntieMabelsdog]

Apparently, we are: stalkers, rapists (SW article thread), weirdos who pose threats to children (playing in street thread) non adults. I just don't get it and it makes me

@mattressspring That is the one of the main issues on this site. MIL divorced FIL many years ago but had an awful co dependant relationship with him till he died. She was convinced in later years he had autism. He did not and I have had so many chats with about why he was just nasty. He became awful when they married and her and DH were the only people he treated badly. He tried it with me but I was having none of it. She is always looking for a reason rather than admit he was just plain nasty.

I became responsible for the housing needs of all students with a declared disability at a University and was sent on a really decent course, we had been given a big grant or award to fund all this. It was very useful and as much as self diagnosis is a bit frowned on it explained why I was the way I was.

It's disgusting

Too many people are ignorant of what ASD can be like,

I agree. I think that it is difficult to understand because there aren't a set of "tick boxes of symptoms" for want of a better phrase.

I sometimes read the neurodiverse threads because I want to understand better. I once got shot down in flames for saying I did this and was accused of being patronising. If I can't educate myself there where I can read about the daily difficulties people have where can I read about them?

I haven’t seen these threads (links?) and I can’t find them so I can’t comment.

I do however think people tend to make assumptions about autism. You can’t run an autism support group and expect nonverbal people who need 24/7 care to receive support from functional adults who have kids and hold down jobs (but still have autism). And vice versa.

Im not having a go I'm genuinely interested. I see you wrote "As a person living with autism" do you not like the term autistic? I'm Autistic too but I just say that.

there was a poster on here recently who said she was glad a man she worked with is dead because hes a bit weird

Well that doesn't surprise me on here tbh.

Daftasabroom

How when there are so many traits and variations as regards severity with each?

A huge number of professionals agree with this, my sister has a diagnosis of Asperger's and this is absolutely correct in her case.

The difficulty with the premise of the thread is that quite often (on this site Im talking about), when a poster talks of struggling with x and y or their child/partner struggling its more often than not parents of children with ASD or the ASD community on here themselves who will fall over themselves to sugges the child is on the spectrum and this is why they cant do x or y etc etc

The reality is, just like another thread that is running at the moment which is about a stalker which is probably what OP is referring to, whether the behaviour is exacerbated or caused by or contributed to by any sort of behaviour, it makes no odds to those on the receiving end.

Someone having a meltdown is frightening for others around them.

It really depresses and hurts me when I see autism portrayed like this and used as an excuse for any bad attitudes/behaviour. My DD14 is ASD and is kind, thoughtful and gentle. I also work with ASD children and I'm so sick of the stereotypes. The people I know with autism are the funniest, most pleasant people i know. Despite the struggles they face every day and the shitty misconceptions of non ASD people.

Ive worked in a number of different boroughs with a huge range of children and adults, Ive sat through a large number of assessments (for children, not adults) and when they receive their diagnosis it very rarely sets out the specific issues within the diagnosis. I have seen this on a handful of occasions, its not common.

It’s awful and so harmful. My little boy is autistic and is the sweetest little boy and wouldn’t change him for the world. So often people say poor behaviour and people must be autistic. My son and his class mates are a sweet bunch of empathetic, kind, non judgemental and lovely children.I have seen far more bad behaviour from neurotypical individuals who were judgemental and horrible people. I’m dyslexic and the amount of people who pick on my grammar and spelling who think I must be thick is ridiculous. It just shows how ablest society is.

I think the diagnosis of 'autism' needs to change. It's ridiculous that someone who can hold down a professional job, be married with children and advocate their own needs and wants has the same diagnosis, no difference at all, as someone who will be in nappies for life and cannot go out alone, or even be inside unattended and needs constant 24 hour supervision

As it is a spectrum it is labelled as such.

My DS is diagnosed with moderate autism, spd and dsypraxia.

Someone who couldn't advocate for themselves would have profound autism.

Ive worked in a number of different boroughs with a huge range of children and adults, Ive sat through a large number of assessments (for children, not adults) and when they receive their diagnosis it very rarely sets out the specific issues within the diagnosis

I'm surprised at that. We received a detailed report on the areas DS struggled with mainly sensory and restrictive behaviour within the diagnosis report.

How his diagnosis will have a moderate impact on his life and specific referrals within disability services that could help him improve OT & SLT.

As it is a spectrum it is labelled as such
I think when it has the same name for everyone, people assume that everyone has the same condition. If you, as a functional adult with autism who has kids and a job and a husband, turn up to an “autism support group”, you can guarantee that pretty much everyone there will be profoundly disabled. And then you can’t get any support.

At least when high functioning autism was labelled as Asperger’s, you could turn up to an “Asperger’s support group” and be pretty sure that everyone there would be in the same boat: functional and normal IQ but with social difficulties.

I dont know how long ago your son was diagnosed but they do not use differentials as profound or moderate.

Im going back 20 years but who knows if it differs from area to area. Nothing appears consistent

I think words like ableist and other such buzz words are unhelpful and divisive

The reality is that the majority of the world do not have dyslexia, nor do the majority lie on the ND pathway, so its human nature to see other peoples behaviours within social norms and parameters. Personally I prefer it if someone picks up my grammar and spelling at my age Im making mistakes I never made before, so wouldnt be offended if someone points them out, I like to know

My sister is also 'sweet', she wouldnt harm a fly, she has no ill intent or malice in her. But she presents as very rude, she is seen as odd, she doesnt understand social norms and cues, she doesnt have the skills and doesnt see why she needs the skills to present differently. She has a good job, a nice house, a partner( who is the same by the way) but has no friends and she has suffered with depression in the past.

If someone were describing an encounter with her, on here for example and asking others their opinions, no doubt there would be cries of 'she sounds like a twat' and other insults that I see a lot of.

So yes, people will see socially inappropriate/strange/weird behaviour as 'twattish' (mumsnets favourite insult it seems) and apply as necessary.

The only thing that worries me is that bad behaviour is downplayed by the " oh but my son has autism so he can't help it "attitude

I loathe that.

Or the vast amount of posters on mumsnet so eager to say "maybe your kid has autism "when a kid has bad behaviour at home everyday (but somehow is an angel at school 🤣)

I think there are some silly assumptions in that post. ND children frequently hold things together in school then go home and collapse, having spent all their energy on masking.

My school think my DC is a total angel. They don't see the occasional meltdowns. They're less frequent now as I know how to de-escalate them better.

I just don't read them any more. Horrible ignorant disablist people.

I can't speak for anyone else's kid but when my child has a meltdown, he actually can't help it. It is because he has autism.

'Ableism' isn't a buzzword, would anyone call racism, sexism or homophobia buzzwords ?

The one that actually hurts my heart the most is when mums come on here, worried about ASD but they always add, "I'm not too worried though because DS/DD is really, really affectionate and loves hugs... so maybe it's not autism."

My youngest (8) is autistic and I worked in an autistic school. Those children were the most lovable, tactile people ever, as is my extremely loving and affectionate autistic DS. There's this very, very, very wrong idea out there that every autistic person is some emotionally blank, unfeeling, uncaring sociopath. Couldn't be further from the truth. Even those who are not demonstrative are very emotional. I think people with autism are more emotional and more thoughtful than neurotypical people, in my humble opinion. I'm no expert, but I've been around autism enough to form an opinion that might be valid. But don't quote me. 😁

I'm on the fence about this one. I know my autism makes me more difficult for people to deal with. Sometimes I hurt people I care about (not physically) because of it, and I need a lot of leeway and understanding which I am not brilliant at reciprocating (I do try, but often fail). With age and a lot of effort I've got better at relationships (friendly and romantic) and communication, but it will never come naturally. I think people can definitely be ableist on here and attribute all sorts of poor behaviour to autism, but at the same time, I think we should acknowledge that autism can and does cause problems in interpersonal relationships, because it involves difficulties with social interaction and communication by definition.

On the other hand, I have noticed a real lack of understanding of autistic adults or even acknowledgement that we exist (unless it's to suggest someone behaving like a twat is autistic). Just as one example of many, in threads about someone being visibly annoyed because the OP's child was crying in public, there's very little sympathy for that person. I've doubtless been that person - I can't bear the sound of babies crying, and if I can't remove myself from the situation, like on a crowded train, I'm sure my face shows how distressed I am. I can just about avoid covering my ears because for some reason people find that offensive (why?!), but I couldn't when I was younger. No one ever says, "What if that person was autistic?", even though they say it all the time about children.

It's actually really common for kids to be well behaved at school and then "lose" it at home. Especially in girls who are exhausted from trying to function and mask.

Do you laugh at the teachers who say the kids are awful in their class , but well behaved at home? Is it their fault too ,or somehow less of a disability?

There's barely any acknowledgement or awareness that autistic children can also be sensory seeking and actually very tactile and touchy and loving. Or just their personality and they don't have sensory issues caused by touch which prevents them from acting that way.