Got a telling off - used the wrong changing room

[lookingformeavain]

I have a disabled son

We went swimming today. When we got out, the disabled facilities had someone in them so I used the next best thing, the 'Group Changing Room'

No problems. DS washed, dressed and fine. I then started to get myself out of my swim stuff. A male lifeguard? Want to say lifeguard as dressed like them, walked in and shouted

He said 'This is a group changing facility! Why are you in here?'

I apologised and explained the disabled one was in use so this seems a reasonable adjustment since it was free at the time. He said 'you are not in a group, please go and change somewhere else'

I said sorry but no, I need to get changed now as quickly as possible before any incidents occur. This is a highly stressful and carefully managed trip. Please leave.

He said 'I won't leave until you do, please use a cubicle'. I stood my ground and said no, now please leave me in privacy. He just walked out and tutted!

AIBU? I know I'm not actually.
But the cheek of it to actually walk in and ask me to leave

Why not have followed me in as soon as I went in there? Washing and dressing DS took at least 10 minutes. What on earth was the wait for him to come and say this?

God the ridiculous questions here, the OTT response from a life guard. You took your disabled son swimming and managed the situation carefully and appropriately. It’s hard enough when kids are NT sometimes so keep doing what you need to do to make it go well. Complain about how the person spoke to you. Keep swimming and don’t ever give in to the thoughtless treatment you often get as a mother to a disabled child. You are different and should get better care so your son is safe.

Why ? Is his disability less because he's younger? Thanks for letting the op know she will be relieved 🙄

I would write to them formally and tell them what happened. Ask for their policy - if the disabled change is occupied what other facilities can you use, in order of preference.

Love people deciding the needs of a disabled child they know nothing about. Obviously prior to speaking to you the lifeguard did not know your situation. But he shouldn't have come in as you could have been undressed. If using that room was an issue the lifeguard should have approached you when you finished and mentioned that it was not in use and then you could have explained why you used it. I would put a complaint in, not to get the lifeguard "into trouble" as some people view complaining but to point out a failing in customer service that needs to be better.

"Why is a group changing room for men?"

It's likely not but would still be single sex for the adults who are in there at whatever particular time, however.

Which would be right for half a class?

Antelopevalley
Why would it be a good idea for a person with disabilities and their carers to go for a walk around the centre if the disabled facility was being used?? If I did this with my severely disabled adult son it would be terrible! it is also worth noting that most centres have only one such changing room. Is this really good enough? Some people with disabilities have very complex needs. My son has autism, learning disabilities, challenging behaviour and epilepsy. He needs three carers to manage and look after him and you think he should 'go for a walk' rather than use an empty group change? You really need some training.

The groups changing room is for groups and it’s disingenuous to claim in wide-eyed innocence that the OP and her son count as a group.

I think it is unreasonable to assume that it’s fine for you to use a changing room which is designated for a different purpose, and to complain about a lifeguard doing his job.

If the pool has no family rooms and it was not possible to wait for the disabled changing facilities, was it not possible to take two minutes to ask a lifeguard whether it would be OK to use the group changing room?

Theonlylivingboyinnewcross
I don't know about the op but in my case no it would not be OK to troop back to poolside to ask this. My ds would think he was going back in the pool and it would cause a huge problem. I think that there is a lack of understanding of what it is like to take out someone with very severe autism or LD. I check everything in advance twice over as the slightest problem or change to the routine fir that outing can cause huge issues. The Op sounds like she has similar issues.

I'm quite baffled by the number of people asserting that the OP could have used the women's changing room or the family changing areas. Those facilities aren't even available at my local pool. There's a big changing area filled with tiny cubicles that you can just about fit one adult and a small child in. There's a disabled changing room and a group changing room. That's it. At my local pool, I too would expect that if the disabled changing room was in use that the group changing room would need to be used instead in these circumstances.
The OP made use of an facility that was otherwise being unused, where there may have been very little alternative. The lifeguard should have just apologised when he walked in and maybe asked how long she expected to be.

I don't understand though, where are you supposed to get changed with kids?

I thought that's what those changing rooms were for?

Yes I agree sounds odd, perhaps there was a swimming party and the group changing room was going to be for their use? Who knows, if he doesn’t explain himself, other than to tell you to leave, there is not a lot you can do.