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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Birthday meal going a bit wrong, tell me it gets easier

56 replies

Pityparty2022 · 13/08/2022 20:17

Me and DH having my birthday meal at home, kids are crying on and off so upping and down the stairs to them. Me and DH don't have family up here to help and the kids won't go to a babysitter so we do our birthday meals at home, fair enough, we have kids. I just wish I could go for some cocktails with some girls or something for my birthday instead of trying to work it all round kids. I have some nice mum friends but that's not their scene and are happy being home in the evenings. Absolutely fair enough, but I'm still wishing to go out, yet I wouldn't be comfortable on my own! Kids are both under 4 so still quite little. Does anyone else get like this?

OP posts:
PollyRockets · 13/08/2022 20:19

Do you not have any friends? Like actual friends?

EscapeRoomToTheSun · 13/08/2022 20:21

PollyRockets · 13/08/2022 20:19

Do you not have any friends? Like actual friends?

I hope you meant this kinder than it sounded.

Mine are both under 4 so I have no idea op. But I feel your pain! Absolute drudgery with young kids isn't it!

Original poster
Pityparty2022 · 13/08/2022 20:22

Not really, I have friends to do stuff with kids but not friends that are into nights out

OP posts:
PollyRockets · 13/08/2022 20:22

@EscapeRoomToTheSun

Just wondering why the only options are her DH at home with crying children or mum friends

Does the OP not have actual friends, from before she had kids. They're usually the people most go out with on their birthday.

mogtheexcellent · 13/08/2022 20:23

So helpful @PollyRockets Hmm

PollyRockets · 13/08/2022 20:23

Pityparty2022 · 13/08/2022 20:22

Not really, I have friends to do stuff with kids but not friends that are into nights out

Could those friends not look after your children for a bit so you can have some time?

This sounds awful, never heard of parents having to sacrifice their birthdays due to their kids crying upstairs

SunlightThroughTrees · 13/08/2022 20:23

I think the game changer will be when your DC will reliably go to bed and stay in bed (at least for a good few hours, if not all night) so that you can put them to bed, then get the babysitter to come round once they’re asleep and go out then.

It does sound crap but honestly, this will pass and you will be able to go out for evenings again.

and happy birthday by the way!

mogtheexcellent · 13/08/2022 20:26

Im in the same boat. Mum friends are a grand total of 1 that i go to pub with. Was 2 but 1 moved away. Everyone else has older kids and already has a social circle as lived in village longer.

My closest friends are all over the uk. Along with my family.

Daughter is 8 and hasnt hot any easier. Im an introvert (and yes i do make a huge effort) so only bothers me occasionally.

Theredfoxfliesatmidnight · 13/08/2022 20:28

Can maybe tomorrow your partner look after the kids and you go out? Meetups are really good, there's pub events every day of the week that you can go to. Or strong arm your existing mum friends - I really want to go out for my birthday, will you come? You can make this happen 🙂 x

Talipesmum · 13/08/2022 20:30

Ah happy birthday (kind of!) - it’s not that unusual if you don’t have family support nearby (we never have). We would sometimes go for a randomly timed meal out if we were staying with family. Or have a v late night dinner when they were finally asleep.

Or, we’d take they day off when they were at childcare and go for a lunch out instead.

When ours were a bit older our childminder sometimes did babysitting at our house. That was great. It will get a bit easier with time - try a visiting babysitter out for the first time by just going out for one drink at the pub with DH and coming back soon - build up to it.

Now they’re a lot older and it’s easier. Happens eventually. But it’s wearisome and less easy to solve than it feels like it should be. Worth persevering when sleep get a bit more predictable though.

cestlavielife · 13/08/2022 20:30

Get a paid babysitter
Go out with your dh

cestlavielife · 13/08/2022 20:32

You need to train baby sitter to be with them
And vice versa
An experienced baby sitter will handl any cries
What would happen in an emergency
Who would take them ?

waltershite22 · 13/08/2022 20:35

Why can't DH stay home with kids and you go out with friends?

Original poster
Pityparty2022 · 13/08/2022 20:36

@SunlightThroughTrees yes very true, this heat isn't helping them at all, they are normally pretty reliable but it's hotter than the sun here right now! And thank you!

@PollyRockets no, they haven't offered and I wouldn't ask, they have their own kids they are dealing with. They aren't into evenings out, that's fine. My point is I'm still wanting to go every now and then

@mogtheexcellent solidarity, here's to hoping we get there one day!

OP posts:
GoAround · 13/08/2022 20:41

Are the kids at nursery? Take a day off work and go for a nice lunch together instead maybe?

And if you manage to successfully tackle the sleep, then it will make such a difference. Not only can you then have an uninterrupted night in, you can also have a babysitter without worrying about the kids settling especially if you first put them to bed yourself and go out once they’re asleep!

PollyRockets · 13/08/2022 20:43

Pityparty2022 · 13/08/2022 20:36

@SunlightThroughTrees yes very true, this heat isn't helping them at all, they are normally pretty reliable but it's hotter than the sun here right now! And thank you!

@PollyRockets no, they haven't offered and I wouldn't ask, they have their own kids they are dealing with. They aren't into evenings out, that's fine. My point is I'm still wanting to go every now and then

@mogtheexcellent solidarity, here's to hoping we get there one day!

Why can't the kids have a babysitter?

Pay for one and get out with your DH and have some birthday fun!

Original poster
Pityparty2022 · 13/08/2022 20:43

@cestlavielife we are not in the position to afford one right now, but me or dh would look after them, if we were both gone I'd have to ask family to drive up and help I guess

@waltershite22 I haven't got anyone to go with

OP posts:
Yibbleyabble · 13/08/2022 20:52

This is my life too. It’s shit just now but it won’t always be like this. My advice would be grab the good bits and try and make light of the rubbish bits. Sending hugs.

Scepticalwotsits · 13/08/2022 21:02

PollyRockets · 13/08/2022 20:22

@EscapeRoomToTheSun

Just wondering why the only options are her DH at home with crying children or mum friends

Does the OP not have actual friends, from before she had kids. They're usually the people most go out with on their birthday.

People move around all the time. Friends end up in different towns cities and cannot just hop off for a night out with them.

Not everyone has a network of friends on their doorstep

PollyRockets · 13/08/2022 21:04

@Scepticalwotsits

No, but most bother to see good friends for their birthdays. I don't live close to all my friends but we see each other for big events!

MzHz · 13/08/2022 21:10

cestlavielife · 13/08/2022 20:30

Get a paid babysitter
Go out with your dh

For the love of god, this

stop being bloody parent martyrs!

waltershite22 · 13/08/2022 21:12

But can't 1 of you go? Presumably it's not leaks with strangers?

If it's your family/friends you go. If it's DH family/friends he goes?

Scepticalwotsits · 13/08/2022 21:23

PollyRockets · 13/08/2022 21:04

@Scepticalwotsits

No, but most bother to see good friends for their birthdays. I don't live close to all my friends but we see each other for big events!

Again not everyone has that. Great that you do but it doesn’t mean it’s the same for everyone else

autienotnaughty · 13/08/2022 21:27

I'm in same boat. I have old friends from my teens/twenties but everyone too busy and rubbish at staying in touch. And I have my mum friends who I thought would be great fun when we got past baby stage but they like to do parks and coffee shops on the odd occasion we meet of an evening we are home by 9pm! I've considered joining bumble but not worked up nerve. I don't have time to take up hobbies and meet people.

EinsteinaGogo · 13/08/2022 21:28

Ah, OP, it will get better.

No one is sleeping in this heat which makes it worse.

You'll develop networks at some point as your kids go to school and life evolves. Short term, if they go to playgroups or nursery, maybe some of the staff are open to babysitting.

In the meantime, good luck for those snatched moments, and in the cooler nights, dinner and drinks at home when the kids have gone to bed x