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Original poster

Birthday meal going a bit wrong, tell me it gets easier

56 replies

Pityparty2022 · 13/08/2022 20:17

Me and DH having my birthday meal at home, kids are crying on and off so upping and down the stairs to them. Me and DH don't have family up here to help and the kids won't go to a babysitter so we do our birthday meals at home, fair enough, we have kids. I just wish I could go for some cocktails with some girls or something for my birthday instead of trying to work it all round kids. I have some nice mum friends but that's not their scene and are happy being home in the evenings. Absolutely fair enough, but I'm still wishing to go out, yet I wouldn't be comfortable on my own! Kids are both under 4 so still quite little. Does anyone else get like this?

OP posts:
Lndnmummy · 13/08/2022 21:30

Happy Birthday OP? Where do you live? I'll come for cocktails with you!☺️

Didiplanthis · 13/08/2022 21:31

I get you... my pre kids friends are literally 6+ hours away in different parts of the country, I get to see them once a year. I only have my dad who lives 1.5hrs away and is too old and frail to cope with children now.. my mum friends are nice but I'm not close to them..and as you say they like to be at home. We do manage the odd meal out but it's difficult to plan and couldn't guarantee to be around a birthday ! My children have additional needs and their bedtime routine is too hard won to be worth disrupting. They are 10 and i have never had more than 3 night consecutive uninterrupted sleep. People sometimes don't see how other lives can differ from their own without it being a failing. I think you were looking for solidarity not a kicking for 'martyrdom'

If it helps ... mine are emotionally about 4 and recently for the first time since they were born , DH and i went out for a whole day had lunch and went to the theatre..it was amazing..we finally found someone comfortable with my children who they are comfortable with..it was worth waiting for !

Keha · 13/08/2022 21:35

Sorry you're having a rubbish birthday. If it helps I haven't been out for a long time either. Have you ever suggested it to the mum friends? Not necessarily a wild night out but a couple of drinks?

StubbleTurnips · 13/08/2022 21:41

It gets better OP, it’s taken a few years but we now have a social life with DS2 class group.

Varies between mums or dads nights out, and class get togethers. More often than not, as ours are all 6-11ish, it’s late night BBQs at someone’s with drinks. Today was post party RVP in our garden with left over gin tins (classy) while the kids played in a water game thing.

That drought of not going out lasted about 7years for us though. It will get better. It feels like forever when they’re little though. Solidarity.

mathanxiety · 13/08/2022 21:42

Why are the children crying after being put to bed?

NerrSnerr · 13/08/2022 21:43

We didn't have any family to help and we moved to where we live when I was 8 months pregnant so all friends had small children too. When they were in nursery we'd take the occasional day off just the two of us. Now they're at primary school they're easier to be left.

Strawberries86 · 13/08/2022 21:43

Roughly where do you live op? I’m in the same position and I bet there are others that read this that are too.

NerrSnerr · 13/08/2022 21:43

mathanxiety · 13/08/2022 21:42

Why are the children crying after being put to bed?

Because some children don't sleep well. It's boiling.

mathanxiety · 13/08/2022 21:48

I live in the US midwest where the summers are hot and humid. It was probably between 80 and 90F upstairs in my house when the children were all living at home. I'm also curious about the problem with leaving the DCs with a babysitter.

Ali2710 · 13/08/2022 21:50

You could try the Peanut app? Hopefully you can make some likeminded friends on there go out with in the evenings. Happy birthday! 🎂

Pepin83 · 13/08/2022 22:14

Just a bit of solidarity OP. This is exactly my life. My partner and I do get to go out us too every now and again. But I would really like to go to the pub with some friends. Would REALLY like to. I also am far from friends and family. I am told it gets better though. Here's hoping for both of us.

Original poster
Pityparty2022 · 13/08/2022 22:31

Thank you for all the replies, and it's nice to see I'm not alone in my thinking, tonight calmed down in the end, my kids do tend to sleep well but this heat is understandably is making it difficult for everyone to sleep. For those asking about a babysitter, it's ever so expensive and one of my kids has a medical condition that makes it hard for us to want to leave him outside of family. I will continue to cherish them being small but will also keep my eyes open for any other mums that fancy a cocktail or 5!

OP posts:
Lemonlemon88 · 13/08/2022 22:43

We used to go out for dinner together when my mum was here. I also had a couple of work colleagues with grown up kids that would babysit for us for free, we only asked once a year though lol!

I would try and make more friends in your area to be honest, a have a few friends without kids and also have made friends through work, an language course and a pottery class.

Original poster
Pityparty2022 · 13/08/2022 23:35

@Didiplanthis thank you, definitely not trying to be a martyr, so glad you got to have a lovely day out, here's to many more, hopefully a dash of sleep thrown in too!

OP posts:
spottygymbag · 14/08/2022 00:33

It definitely gets better. We're in the same boat- 2 DC, family and close/long term friends are overseas. Our last few birthdays have been at home for similar reasons but we're now looking forward to a bit more freedom as they are getting older.

Oldest dc we have left with non family/friend babysitters over bedtime from just before 3yo. The youngest is not quite ready to be left with a babysitter over bedtime, but give it 6months and I reckon he will be fine. He'll be coming up towards 3 and more understanding of how things work so we can explain about going out and coming back.

We had a sweet spot for a couple of months when the youngest was asleep for the night by 6.30 and the oldest would happily be with the sitter and go to bed just fine. Then we hit a rough spot, followed by multiple rounds of illness, sleep regressions, separation anxiety, and teething. Felt never ending but I can see it won't be forever and we can start getting sitters again soon.

In the meantime we sometimes book our birthdays, or occasional day off work together, drop the dc at school/daycare and have a long lunch together, followed by a walk or something.

mathanxiety · 14/08/2022 03:50

www.glamourmagazine.co.uk/gallery/best-friend-making-apps

There are find-a-friend apps - maybe give one a try?

Happyhappyday · 14/08/2022 04:32

I go out with my mum friends all the time. We tend to be home by 10 or drinking in the garden at one of our homes. We all have dc under 5. Our DHs look after kids or we pay a babysitter. My DC usually won’t fall asleep until 8:30/9 if the babysitter (also her nanny) is here but 🤷‍♀️ She stays in her room and chats to kitty.

for what it’s worth, I babysat a TON from age 15 onwards and I never couldn’t get the kids in bed.

stuntbubbles · 14/08/2022 05:31

mathanxiety · 13/08/2022 21:42

Why are the children crying after being put to bed?

Bloody hell, the questions on this thread.

mathanxiety · 14/08/2022 06:11

I'm not sure what you're querying, stuntbubbles.

stuntbubbles · 14/08/2022 06:17

Asking why children are crying after being put to bed. Have you met children? They’re not robots. You don’t turn them off at 7pm and they magically don’t disturb anyone for 12 hours.

Original poster
Pityparty2022 · 14/08/2022 06:22

@mathanxiety thank you, I've tried, peanut was great for meeting mums in my area and I've made a couple of good friends from it, will keep looking

OP posts:
Original poster
Pityparty2022 · 14/08/2022 07:00

@Happyhappyday your mum friends sound like fun, mine are great too, we have fun together but don't all have the exact same interests.

It's great you could get tons of kids to go to bed when you were 15, I too can normally manage just fine but the extreme heat we are having has understandably got them very hot and uncomfortable

OP posts:
Thefruitbatdancer · 14/08/2022 07:15

I understand it's hard with little ones, mine are a little bit older but it doesn't get any easier lol! They're constantly bickering & each others throats now but that's another story!

I adapted celebrations when they were little. So lots of group lunch celebrations and afternoon teas that we all enjoyed & they loved playing with friends. It meant they were knackered in the evening & fell asleep quickly. So I could have a quiet supper with dh, you just have to adapt to fit in with the lifestyle that you have now.

Thefruitbatdancer · 14/08/2022 07:16

I appreciate we've all got autumn & winter birthdays so that doesn't help you here!

Greentartanbow · 14/08/2022 07:34

Awww OP, I feel for you.

Totally understand your disappointment. I’m about to pop any day now with my first and tbh, this is something that worries me. I really enjoy going out for cocktails/ few glasses of wine and already I’ve met so many mums where it’s become obvious that they might do soft play with you but going out in the evening is a huge no no 😐

I have a couple of child free friends that do like to go out and also a couple of my friends who have children that again, like to go out so I’m hoping I can still have an evening social life occasionally but I would love to meet some mum’s who are up for a few glasses of wine occasionally, seems these are few and far between though 😞

I hope you had a good birthday in the end and definitely join bumble bff or put a post on peanut seeing if there are any like minded mums that would like the occasional night out.

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