Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Provision in will

100 replies

badgerstink · 13/08/2022 12:22

I know inheritance is an emotive issue so would be grateful for your take in this

DP is divorced but has protracted financial issues/ties with ExW. They have no kids

We have been together for 4 years. Have a nice life. We aren't married and are unlikely to get married in the near future. Mostly this is down to him due to dreadful experiences with his ExW

His earnings far outstrip mine, he earns 5/6 times as much and as such pays the lions share of our day to day living. I've said to him that I would feel more secure if he made provision for me in the event of his death. I should say he is currently quite well and I've no plans to bump him off. I am however mindful that if something dreadful happened I could in no way continue with the lifestyle we have. At present everything would go to his dad and sister. I get on with them ok but I'm pretty sure they wouldn't pass anything to me.

He thinks I'm being ridiculous. He has no plans do die anytime soon (he's 44). We are currently renting but may look to buy in the next 12 months

I see his failure to provide any security in the event of his death as a show of non commitment to our relationship and lack of concern for my long term security. I am 39. I have 1 adult DC who is my sole beneficiary

What's your take? Assets would be considerable on his part

OP posts:
Original poster
badgerstink · 13/08/2022 13:57

@Jedsnewstar this is something I'm acutely aware of. Coupled with his attitude towards todays fall out I'm thinking he doesn't see this as long term

OP posts:
SunaksTruss · 13/08/2022 14:05

I would suggest taking out your own insurance policy in his life.

If for the two years prior to the death, you were living with the deceased as if they were a spouse or civil partner (but not married) you can contest their will (under the Inheritance Act 1975) if they fail to make provision for you.

Not a great position to be in however. So this could be ultimatum time OP. Either you buy a property together as joint tenants with a deadline, or buy your own property and build up your own separate assets OP.

Soontobe60 · 13/08/2022 14:12

badgerstink · 13/08/2022 13:35

That's a very good suggestion and one I will make to him, thanks

Show quote history

I’m pretty sure you don’t need his permission for you to take out life insurance on him.

Original poster
badgerstink · 13/08/2022 14:24

I guess my question should be why would you not seek to protect someone you love in the event of your death? I don't see that as a grabby thing

OP posts:
nextweekfriday · 13/08/2022 14:35

I think you're being sensible and not at all grabby. Is it worth talking it through with him again? As if he really loves you would he want you to live with this level of vulnerability and uncertainty? I have a friend whose partner has put a clause in his will that she will live in the house he owns until she passes away and he has also made sure she will have his pension. He however isn't divorced which is another story!

burnoutbabe · 13/08/2022 14:52

I suppose most of us don't see how you are vulnerable here.

If he dies well you have to pay that rent for com the until you can give notice.

Is the rent lots more than you can afford?

Maybe he sticks say £10k into a joint account that neither touch but you could use in the event if his death to cover rest of rent if this is the issue. No need to pay £500 to update a will that would need changing when buying a house in future.

Stripedbag101 · 13/08/2022 14:54

I think it’s too early in the relationship to try and inherit from him.

you aren’t married, don’t have children together and don’t own any property together.

why do neither of you won a home? Given you are both financially secure it seems odd at your ages.

i absolutely agree that if you both commit to buying a home together then you need to consider what happens should either of your die.

are you content with your half of the house going to him rather than your child if you die first?

SunnySideDownBriefly · 13/08/2022 14:55

Before we got married, me and my then DP got life insurance that would pay out to one another. We were renting too so the amount was to cover funeral costs plus 12 months of living expenses so rent and bills. It was around £30k of cover. Made me feel much more secure to know that finances wouldn't be an immediate worry to add to the pain of grief for either one of us.

Original poster
badgerstink · 13/08/2022 15:01

SunnySideDownBriefly · 13/08/2022 14:55

Before we got married, me and my then DP got life insurance that would pay out to one another. We were renting too so the amount was to cover funeral costs plus 12 months of living expenses so rent and bills. It was around £30k of cover. Made me feel much more secure to know that finances wouldn't be an immediate worry to add to the pain of grief for either one of us.

Thank you; that's entirely my viewpoint. I don't seek to secure myself an extravagant future at his expense but I don't want to have to deal with the loss of someone who I love and having to move house at the same time. The rental here would take 75% of my income so would be in no way affordable

I think insurance is the right path

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 13/08/2022 15:09

Get the insurance.

Also tell him you want to buy a property to secure your future. That this can either be with him (ideal, better property etc) or without him but that you want this to happen in the next 12 months.

And that if you buy together, you want security that you’ll be able to live in the property in the event of his death for a defined period (ideally for ever!)

I do not think you are grabby.

I do think you need to consider if his reluctance to marry means he will never put you first financially at all.

ApiratesaysYarrr · 13/08/2022 15:11

If he earns 5/6x your income, then adding your income to his is peanuts in terms of buying a house if you are earning a reasonable wage.

I also wonder about the "lifestyle" comment - that part sounds grabby, if I am honest. You are working FT, getting a decent wage and paying very little towards your pleasant lifestyle.

I think your options are: going in on a property together with appropriate life insurance for both of you, you buying a smaller property that is just yours and him buying the larger property that his income buys, but without you having a claim on it, or you saving lots while you are with him.

fallfallfall · 13/08/2022 15:19

I don’t think it’s been mentioned yet but he could name you as the beneficiary of his workplace pension. As well as beneficiary on the house and a life insurance policy.

drpet49 · 13/08/2022 15:30

“I think it’s too early in the relationship to try and inherit from him.

you aren’t married, don’t have children together and don’t own any property together.”

^This. Get life insurance if you are still bothered about it all.

GriseldaPlum · 13/08/2022 15:45

I don’t think it’s been mentioned yet but he could name you as the beneficiary of his workplace pension. As well as beneficiary on the house and a life insurance policy

Would anybody do this though, considering he's fairly young and the relationship is only 4 years old? It seems a massive thing to commit to, for anyone - until the relationship has stood the test of time.

Runwalkskijump · 13/08/2022 15:50

fallfallfall · 13/08/2022 15:19

I don’t think it’s been mentioned yet but he could name you as the beneficiary of his workplace pension. As well as beneficiary on the house and a life insurance policy.

A relationship that is only 4 years old, no DC, not married. I wouldn't, especially if OP isn't doing the same.

Runwalkskijump · 13/08/2022 15:52

And that if you buy together, you want security that you’ll be able to live in the property in the event of his death for a defined period (ideally for ever!)

Andif OP goes first what is he expected to do as she isn't doing the same for him.

NoSquirrels · 13/08/2022 15:54

Runwalkskijump · 13/08/2022 15:52

And that if you buy together, you want security that you’ll be able to live in the property in the event of his death for a defined period (ideally for ever!)

Andif OP goes first what is he expected to do as she isn't doing the same for him.

No reason she couldn’t do the same for him, unless I’ve missed something?

sunsoutmumsout · 13/08/2022 15:55

luxxlisbon · 13/08/2022 13:22

I am however mindful that if something dreadful happened I could in no way continue with the lifestyle we have.

I mean.. too bad.
You wouldn’t be able to live the lifestyle if he broke up with you either.

This

Sorry but you sound a bit....grabby and entitled.
You don't have children together and you aren't married. You haven't been together that long so if he died tomorrow why should his assets go to giving you a nice lifestyle for the next 50 years? No wonder he doesn't want to get married again

Runwalkskijump · 13/08/2022 15:58

OP has said her assets are 'tricky' and he would have no access.

Runwalkskijump · 13/08/2022 15:59

NoSquirrels · 13/08/2022 15:54

No reason she couldn’t do the same for him, unless I’ve missed something?

Show quote history

OP has said her assets are 'tricky' and he would have no access.

Stripedbag101 · 13/08/2022 15:59

Runwalkskijump · 13/08/2022 15:50

A relationship that is only 4 years old, no DC, not married. I wouldn't, especially if OP isn't doing the same.

Show quote history

i have a very generous workplace pension and death in service payments.

there is no way I would name a boyfriend of four years as a beneficiary.

@NoSquirrels i think OP wants her child to inherit from her? So she wants to inherit from her boyfriend but I assume in her will everything will go to her son.

buying a house together becomes a problem if she does first - her boyfriend inherits her biggest asset not her son.

only fair as the boyfriend is paying for most of it. Bit I don’t think OP wants her boyfriend to inherit .

Whowhatwherewhenwhynow · 13/08/2022 16:07

Hopefully the life insurance suggestions is a useful one.

I agree though that it’s odd he doesn’t seem to at all realise the impact his death would have on you. Obviously no one would expect you to be left masses but securing the home for the partner left behind is a basic surely. I wouldn’t buy a home or have shared assets with him if he won’t make provision to help in event of his death.

Original poster
badgerstink · 13/08/2022 16:08

I've already said earlier I do not expect to inherit everything he's worked for. I can however not afford to cover the rental in our current home on my own. It would eat up 75% of my salary

What I would like is enough to give me sometime to set up a new life - 6 months, 12 months or so. If his situation changed and he was in my position as lower earner then I'd have no qualms about providing him with sufficient to do the same.

It just happens at this time he is fortunate enough that should anything happen to me it would adversely affect him financially.

I think the insurance policy is a good idea and will broach it with him later

OP posts:
Original poster
badgerstink · 13/08/2022 16:10

*wouldn't affect him financially

OP posts:
Batshittery · 13/08/2022 16:10

I have to say that it does indeed sound grabby.
You earn a decent wage and he is paying for lion's share of you expenses now, so I recommend you start saving and use that if he dies/leaves you