To think being fat makes people dislike you?

[Lordylord1]

….?
i really feel the difference since I put on weight and find myself more lonely

100000% since my health condition made me pile on the pounds, people actively avoid me and I don't get invited places like I used to.

Fine by me, I'm losing it now and won't be associated with those that didn't want to be around the fat me.

That’s sad to hear and I have noticed some of these things too - I’ve put on 5 stone in the past few years although I’ve lost one stone recently.

And yes the whole thing about them doing it out of concern for your health is usually a cop out, because many of the same ones criticising fat people for being unhealthy are smoking, on drugs etc or even if they don’t they don’t criticise others that do but yet seem to target fat people.

I only had one friend who was toxic like that and after a few rude comments to me about my weight, I cut her off.

I understand you. It's like, it's ok to eat if it's tiny portions in an instagrammable restaurant. That's being a foodie. Having a pastry with your coffee isn't being instagrammable.

I’m assuming she is overweight and means the friend doesn’t enjoy meeting up with because of her appearance, and deliberately doesn’t choose the fancy Instagram-able places because she doesn’t want to take pictures with her.

My question is why keep this ‘friend’ around at all? I would thank her for showing how she feels about me and say goodbye to the friendship, because that isn’t a genuine friend.

Your post has made me think, OP, and I'm going to be honest here. Yes, I would feel I couldn't talk freely to a very fat person because I'm always on a (not always successful) mission to keep to a healthy weight. I'm afraid it does creep into conversation with most people I know (trying not to put on weight, I mean, and taking enough exercise too). I know that if a very overweight person was present it would mean we'd all have to censor what we were saying. I'm also pretty active, and while I know that people of all shapes and sizes can be active and sporty, I've also met overweight people who struggle to walk - making doing very much except sit and eat rather a challenge, socially.

That's all really. For most people who are health-conscious, you do have to think about these things actively after a certain age and yes, I'd feel stressed that I might stupidly say something like 'Oh no - I'd better not have that or I won't fit into my jeans', or similar.

I’ve been an obese person and am now very slim. 100% am treated with more respect in public and by men.

It was actually living with an obese person who had raised obese children that made me feel what others felt when we’re around me, and motivated me to lose weight. Theres no PC way to describe those feelings, but they were internal human reactions that came naturally and couldn’t be helped.

Unfortunately yes. When I was overweight after having 3 DC, I was treated very differently both by friends and in professional environments especially by men. What a horrid world we live in but it did push me to lose weight as soon as I could which ultimately benefited my health

Yes OP, you're right. People massively look down on and are vile to fat people. MN is terrible for it.

People also hate it if you're fat and happy. They will tolerate a fat person who is dieting, but not one who accepts themselves as they are.

Yes, some people. I have friends who are openly fat phobic and make disparaging remarks about “fatties” and will avoid having interaction with, much less make friends with, overweight people. I am borderline for them as I’m a toned (do weights) tall size 10/12 : they are size 6/8 and make constant comments about what I’m wearing and if my weight has gone down (with massive congrats if they think it has).

You really need better friends!

But isn’t that the same as not “tolerating” someone who’s drinking very heavily or smoking?

Only if they are shallow, to be honest.

I've been fat and thin. The people I like have treated me the same. The people who are arseholes will always have a reason to be one. Frankly, being fat is a good way of weeding them out imo.

But isn’t that the same as not “tolerating” someone who’s drinking very heavily or smoking?

No. For one, other people's bodies are absolutely not your business, and secondly you have no idea of a person's health just by looking at them. The 'concern' is just bullshit and a way for people like you to pretend they care, when actually you just can't abide fat people.

It’s hardly the same thing: nobody’s going to have their own health impacted by being in the vicinity of a fat person 🙄 Jesus.

Yes, it does make a lot of people dislike you, and I'm amazed that anyone is trying to argue the contrary.

It says so much about them , I’ve been fat and slim not difference at all

I am in a friendship group where we range from size 12 up to a size 24. Some of the large women may be conscious about their weight, but we have all been friends for a long time and love each other to bits. We never judge each other about our weight and are supportive.

One of the group recently lost 6 stone and looks bloody amazing and we have congratulated her on her incredible achievement. I loved her just as much before losing the weight, as I love her now.

Its very sad and shallow that people are treated differently due to their weight.

That really unusual. Where is your friend meeting these men? Are the dates turning into relationships?
My experience has been that you are treated differently when fat.

But what’s the difference between worrying about someone smoking and worrying that they are obese? Both are serious health concerns. Why should they be viewed differently?

What a bizarre thing to write. I’d be concerned if a family member was obese, and be concerned if they smoked.

I understand you. It's like, it's ok to eat if it's tiny portions in an instagrammable restaurant. That's being a foodie. Having a pastry with your coffee isn't being instagrammable.

Any person who is concerned about what is 'instagrammable' is totally irrelevant in my world.

you're just around the wrong people.

I'm fat (size 22/24) and have a large group of friends, and no shortage of people who talk to me/spend time with me.

I think if you're being self conscious about it, then sure, it can make people be weird, but if you own the fact you're fat, and you stop letting people try to make you take up less space than you are entitled to, then its fine.

I agree with this. Some of my overweight friends are married to gorgeous men, run successful businesses, have beautiful homes and a lifestyle that many would envy - particularly the bitter 'fat haters' on MN.

I think some people are fatist. X

It not a bizarre response to your first post, in which you mention not “tolerating” fat people. In your following responses you mention worrying about, and being concerned about … which means something else entirely 🤷‍♀️