To expect husband to get a better job?

[Ambrrrr]

Reading aloud the subject line makes me think if I read it, I would think yes! But I’m struggling with my partners lack of motivation to improve his current occupation. The work requires a six day week every fortnight and nine hours each day. We have welcomed a baby which leaves me taking on all the parental duties an additional day every 2 weeks. I worry he’s missing out on lots and the pay is not enough for me to also not need to consider new opportunities which are offering me above a 10% increase in salary. With childcare costs in addition to this shocking rise in the cost of living, I am thinking this may be our best option.
But these would come at me losing a day a week I’ve negotiated as off with my current employer to look after our baby.
Although he says he’d like a Mon-Fri, I’ve seen no effort and motivation to improve the work hours/salary and look for something which will beyond answering calls from the odd recruiter. It’s frustrating, as there isn’t any progression at the place he’s working either.
AIBU to expect him to look for something that can improve his work life balance, as well as our financial situation so I don’t have to take this on as well as being mum most of the day/week?

You just do what you have to do when you have children. When our children were babies, my H had a job that involved a long commute and long days. We needed money so I had a weekend job (he had the children while I was at work as we had no family childcare). I don’t know how we managed to fit family time in, but we did. I would never have expected him to change or look for a ‘better’ job. We’ve both worked full time now since our youngest started infant school. He used to do the school run because I start work early. It’s a team game.

YABU and sexist. If you want more money then you go out and earn it. You have an absolute cheek to be moaning about your very hard working DH, because amongst other things you want to only go to work four days a week.

Op is working compressed hours!!!!

To be honest, I'm not sure how people with kids manage to work in car sales.

Expecting a woman to do more than 50% of the parenting and be the breadwinner, and apparently be the only one to try to improve the families finances during a cost of living crisis and she's still the sexist one? Wow

She doesn't want her DH to get a better paid job so she can work 4 days a week (and 4 days compressed is the same hours as 5 days). She wants her DH to get a job that better fits with the family that they mutually created.

Not every industry can facilitate it. I'd love to see someone walk into a showroom to be told, "Sorry, all the salesmen are working from home"

Flexible working is not the same as working from home (although it can include it). It can also be, doing what the OP is doing, so working the hours of 5 days over 4, or just going part time.

I'm still not saying every industry will support it, but actually there is very little reason why a showroom cannot employ part time staff. They tend to be open 7 days a week, so likely don't have the same staff on each day so technically they could facilitate this in exactly the same way other retail jobs do. Unfortunately it can be harder to convince industries that are traditionally male dominated to facilitate this.

^This 💯

OP - I’m with you. I agreed with you as soon as I read your OP. Of course things need to change once children need to be considered. Energy prices/the cost of everything has changed. Your DH needs to step up more in all areas of family life, including housework, etc and not just in the financial and childcare area. I think the key is to find a partner who has life aspirations similar to your own and who is determined enough to achieve those aspirations.

I also feel that SAHM’s with working partners need to get a job, any job IF their families are struggling financially. This is a must, in order to improve the lives of their children.

Some posters are not RTFT, as you have clearly stated that you work FT and are the main breadwinner.

Everybody, and especially ALL parents need to ‘get their money up’ where possible regardless of their gender. Particularly during dire financial times such as these.

Whether you planned your pregnancy or not is not the issue here. I assume you both decided to go ahead with the pregnancy, you’re still living together and still married, the child is here and needs feeding, clothing, a roof over their head, etc - so your DH needs to step up.

I'd avoid making such a huge change during a vulnerable time

You know that saying "last one hired, first one fired"

Having a solid, stable income when you've just had a baby seems more sensible than swapping jobs right now.

Through a megaphone: SHE’S THE HIGH EARNER

Why don't you get a better job?

You can't just tell people to change. People don't change and they don't do things just because some else tells them to. The only thing you can change is you.

Finally! Thank you for getting it!

No need for a megaphone, I already saw that. I still think if she (or anyone) wants more money, then they need to earn it, not expect someone else to earn it for them. I also think if not happy with a man’s occupation or earning level, then don’t marry him or have children with him.

Oh and yes I saw she works compressed hours. It is still four days a week, I have never seen anyone on “compressed hours” work any longer than anyone else in a day. For that reason I am pretty skeptical about it and to me it is just part time.

Perhaps you should have used your incredible breadwinning skills to write a clearer OP then, it was like wading through mud

You're both in a good position, you have full time wages coming in and a happy healthy baby, you will weather whatever storms come.

Now is not the time to be moving jobs to something where he might not know whether its sustainable. You appear to have negotiated a different role with your own employer which is a different (and easier) thing altogether

Why don’t you find a higher paid job OP? Then you could maybe afford an extra day with your DC.
Your motivations don’t sound fair to me. It’s not like you want your partner to earn more money for a better quality of life - it’s just so you can do the job you want. If you want to work part time and be part time SAHM the rest of the time I don’t see why it’s your partner’s job to finance that.

She has found a higher paid job, but it's full time.

Technically you have to be in a job 6m before you have the legal right to ask for flexible working arrangements though of course you can negotiate.

Why did you marry him if he was so unambitious? If it was one of your pre-requisites, along with just say .... a calm, loving man, who likes dogs, not overweight, no beard. I'm teasing. But seriously if that was important then why is this only occurring to you now?

So. What do you intend to do? Talk to him, tell him you hoped he'd be more ambitious. Talk about the 6 small steps he could easily do to address it?

What job does he do? What position. How big an employer. What job does he want? training at work or taking a course / qualification? It's not that hard to do stuff and change jobs. He could do something in his spare time, be that a finance qualification (friend of mine just did nearly all of her ACA qualification on her own entirely!!) or Prince2 project management course. Or anything that helps you move into the area you want.

What are his plans? How is he going to make this change?

But there was nothing in your original post to say that you were the breadwinner, and even if you are, can you imagine a man coming on here to say "I'm earning more than my wife, who works 11/14 days, she needs to get a better job?"

You’re not “the” breadwinner as you both work. You are both breadwinners. “The breadwinner” refers to single income households. And yes you do sound entitled. Like the fact you make more money entitles you to double the time with your child than your DH gets. Like the fact you make more money entitles you to look down on your DH’s job and say he’s not contributing enough and has to find a better job like they grow on trees when he works far more hours than you do.

Does he enjoy his job? Is it a passion of his? If he’s happy and stress free and able to earn, he’s doing better than most people

Yanbu to think it's annoying shouldering both responsibilities (breadwinner plus primary child carer).

Plenty of woman have to change their careers to accommodate family circumstances post kids, either to try and earn more or to change hours/working patterns. I don't think its unreasonable to expect a father to make an effort to find employment that best fits the families needs too.

You’re not “the” breadwinner as you both work. You are both breadwinners. “The breadwinner” refers to single income households.

No it doesn't, it's also regularly understood to mean the higher earner on who's salary the family are more reliant.

Yeah, by misogynists who are desperate to devalue the woman’s financial contribution because in most cases it’s the man who makes more money.