To think I can become a better driver on my own

[Goawaygreta]

New(ish)to driving
Couple of years. But during that time, quite limited. Local driving. All less than 20 miles.
Want to get better and more confident and branch out.
Can I do this by just literally practicing? What have you mumsnetters done?
Most people that I know have never had passplus, extra lessons, motorway lessons.

I feel that although all roads are the same, they are not!!!! I'm worried about branching out and ending up on a complicated road and making a huge mistake.
I have sat nav,but sometimes I feel that you have to make a decision quickly or follow a road sign, no time to dither and that panics me a bit.
Doesn't help that I live in a busy area, although limited experience on country ish roads isn't much better with cars right behind me and feeling under pressure.
I hoped driving would give me more freedom. And it hasn't really.

I haven't really got the time and money to pay for extra support, though I could if I had to. Although a while ago when I looked into it, they all said I had yo use instructors car, which isn't what I want.

I totally do this even on short journeys!! It makes me feel better to a degree, although I sometimes wonder if it adds to my anxiety.
And it is overkill! I don't mind a bit of pre planning. Even DH with all his confidence and experience does it.
But I just want to go places.
My friend had to go 200 miles to another airport recently. Sat nav on and away she went. No studying the terrain on Google maps. 😀
Sometimes its just exhausting, and that's me just going pretty local.
Its easier to get the train or bus.

You’re worrying a lot about things that don’t really
matter - and I mean that in a nice way. If you’re in roadworks and have to slow or stop for a second to work out where to go, maybe you are holding up traffic - but it’s only for a second and then you’ll be off. And who’s to say they know where they’re going any more than you?

If you take the wrong exit off a roundabout, you go back and get back on it. Nobody’s counting or paying any more attention to you than anyone else. If you get on the motorway by accident and you’re scared, you stay in the left lane, behind a lorry or caravan probably, and tootle along until you can get off. You’re not holding anyone up as there’s always slowish stuff in the left lane anyway.

There’s always a different way to go. There’s always a place to turn around. There’s always somewhere to pull over and take a deep breath.

I get really hot, sweaty and flustered when I’m in a complicated driving situation but if you slow down (to an appropriate speed for the road) then you can’t crash into anyone, and nobody else wants to crash into you so that’s ok and one worry out of the way. Pretty much the worst that happens if you hold someone up is that they beep and you, and so what? It’s annoying but nothing else.

I learned to drive twenty years ago, and had to rely on A-Zs. I drove myself to and from university every term, as well as all over the country to things like the Edinburgh Fringe (did a lot of theatre at university), or visiting friends in the holidays.

I got lost all the time, because of missing signs or exits, but I treated it all like an adventure and just rolled with it. I would often start a drive home at midnight, miss a motorway exit and find myself hours out of my way heading up the M1 or something. You soon learn to read signs once you've had a few trips like that.

I think sat nav is a double-edged sword - it's a safety blanket, but also gives you a learned helplessness. Once you understand how road signs work you can kind of feel your way to where you need to be. You're more in control then, and it gives you more confidence. There have been many occasions where I've been in places with poor satellite signal (it's less of a problem now, but it still happens), so you do need to learn to manage without it.

@TheLeadbetterLife i agree with the confidence from finding your own way. When I’m not in a rush I deliberately go different ways and down roads I’ve never been on. I drive a lot rurally so sometimes end up on some weird small roads and then come out so where I wasn’t expecting. But the boost from a road being closed and just knowing a back way without having to look it up is amazing! Or being able to take a scenic route somewhere. And it helps you realise that every road is connected to another one, so you can always get there from here.

I know exactly what you mean, I often wish I was one of those people who could just jump in a car and off they go, without the whole rigmarole of going through the entire journey on Google maps first 😄😄 But it absolutely does get easier with practise. I generally don't need to check if going anywhere fairly local now, and sometimes have surprised myself at being able to jump in the car without checking first, just following the satnav (albeit somewhere I know won't be too scary or far afield!) I've had plenty of mishaps involving taking a wrong turn or getting lost over the years. Driving around lost with two babies/toddlers asleep in the back trying to avoid a particular dual carriageway I hated!! It all adds experience and as long as you keep calm you'll be fine. Maybe focus on one or two key journeys you can really nail down first (local supermarket/town/friends house etc) X

Yes same here. I grew up in a rural area of the UK and live in one in a different country now. I try different routes all the time so I can learn all the unmarked back roads and understand how they connect. Sat nav is often hopeless on those roads, as they're not correctly entered into the databases. I rarely use sat nav for day to day driving.

The best thing I did was just get out and drive. I usually stick my sat nav on in case I get re-routed unexpectedly, but I always just think - I'll end up somewhere where I can stop and check if I have to. Remember as well, no one else knows how long you've been driving!!

You just need to push out of your comfort zone a bit at a time, but you can do it!!!

Very true about no one knowing how long I've been driving!!
Its not the getting lost as such, as I've done that a little bit and just stopped and re planned.
Its more being on different types of road and screwing up. As my example upthread about the right turn on my work route.
For dome reason I'm terrified of being at a busy junction and turning into incoming traffic by mistake.
Perhaps I just need to get out and fo a longish route the to the zoo or something at like 5am. Ha ha.There are always agreessive drivers about at normal times which flusters me.
Its md though as sometimes I will be driving and I feel pretty good and then I notice other ppl driving badly or in the wrong lanes and feel better.

But then I make a mistake and get beeped and it floors me.
I dont.think I'm the best driver either which isn't surprising with my limited exposure.

I really want to kind of show DH who I've noticed more frequently is treating me like a little old lady as far as driving is concerned. I don't want to make a big announcement though. Just bloody get on with it.

This. I’ve learnt so much more on my own. I’ve made mistakes without having someone else lecture me about them. I’ve been driving 2 years and I don’t like driving new places either. I have to study Google Maps for hours. Sometimes I’ll look at street view so I can see what the roads look like and what to expect.

I don’t like driving with other drivers I’m the car as I feel like they’re judging me. I’ll only drive with my husband in the car if he’s drunk!

The motorway thing really worries me. Probably as about a year ago I went to a retail park. A journey I hadn't done before and I was pretty chuffed that I'd done it without relying on DH.

Bought my items and all set to go home. Missed my turn home, carried on as its an area I know fairly well (not driving, just know it). Sat nav was re routing to turn right.

Again, ignored it ,as i thought I knew where I was heading.
Suddenly no option to turn off . Dual carriageway. Super busy on a Friday afternoon by now.
Motorway signs coming up.

I felt ill with nerves.
Luckily another retail park came up. Never been before and by now miles away.
Anyway I went in and turned round and managed to familiarise myself after a bit.
It was the journey from.hell and I felt I was unsafe as so distracted.

Anyway moral of the story is I kept thinking if I end up on the motorway I will keep left until I can turn off. Great in theory , but you can't always stay left, sometimes you have yo move over !

Ha ha ha.that made me laugh. DH when drunk is the only time he would be an acceptable passenger !!! So true .
However, he never asks to come in my car.
If he ever does need a lift ,he asks his young sister😡
I'd probably be fine with my sister but she doesn't live close.

I push myself by doing a new journey once every few weeks, I do use Google maps beforehand and study every road etc but I want to wean myself off from this slowly now that I have a little more confidence.
I have found by adding a few more journeys under my belt, my confidence in myself is getting better too.
I have also found by doing the trip once by myself and then the other, with kids in the car, is helping with my anxiety.
I use waze in the car and find it reroutes easily although sometimes the directions are not very clear because there is a few seconds lapse, so it's good to keep checking the map every few minutes just to see which line you are following.
The more you drive, the more the anxiety will go. Also the point of which is something I'm bad at, my instructor used to always say, if your unsure about something, just slow down, it will give you more time to make a clear decision about your next step.

This I feel is the advice I need to take, forget about holding people up, give your self time when you need it.

I have to say doing a speed awareness course helped a lot because one of the things they did was go through a lot of potentially problematic situations and ask “what would help here” and the number one answer is ALWAYS “slow down”. Tricky junction? Cars close together? Bad weather? Take it slowly and you’re avoiding the main problem which is you crashing into someone or someone else not seeing you.

i took trips by myself so that if I made a mistake no one was there to see it 😂 I then always offered to drive when we were going out, so that I could build my confidence and knowledge of different areas. It all comes with time and practice - good luck OP 😀

I was terrible at learning to drive, this coupled with a dodgy left knee meant that I switched to automatic lessons after a few months which resulted in a far less stressful learning experience!

Two months after I (finally) passed my test I had to commute up the M3 daily to go to uni which I think really helped to build my confidence. I’d probably not ever chosen to drive on a motorway but had no choice really! My dad went with me on my first practice run to uni to help me work out what to do and plan my route which helped and I still use advice from that day now.

I think it is just a matter of practicing and gradually increasing where you go. I know it’s not an easy switch but having a car without gears is so much less stress and faff too, especially at busy junctions or roundabouts.

Just wanted to say I think feeling like this is more common than people admit, and you’re doing well to be driving and trying to improve. I know several people who passed their test but now can’t/won’t drive or can’t do certain journeys (me included). I only learned to drive when I had children and moved out of cities, and for me the best thing was regular essential journeys (commuting), which really built my confidence quickly up on country roads.
To practice unfamiliar junctions, motorways etc you could go at quiet times (Sundays, night-time, early morning etc) to get the lie of the land. The M69 is a very quiet motorway I built up confidence on.
I used to have a terror of accidentally joining a motorway but if that happened you can just stick in the LH lane till the next junction, and come back up one junction the other side. I used to avoid motorways completely, the phone sat nav has a no motorway option so must be a common preference.
Anyway onwards and upwards OP, you have a growth mindset and are already doing a great job.

By my house, there is a big junction like you describe (waiting in the middle if you need to turn right, and then a pedestrian crossing on the road as you turn), and yes, it does sometimes go red. It’s okay, IMO, as you’re going slow enough from turning, and can usually see when someone has pressed the button on the lights so are ready to stop.
I’ve only passed my test just over a year ago, and was a very nervous driver. I hated the car I had, but was waiting for my new car due to stock issues, so had to deal with it. I felt sick every time I got in the car. About 6 weeks after passing my test, I drove 300 miles to visit family, using the A-roads. It was the worst day, about 9 hours that felt just never ending. I was so nervous that I had a terrible belly and couldn’t eat, so I thought I was going to die by the time I got there! Never again.
On the way back, I did the motorway route in just over 5 hours with breaks, and it was brilliant. We’re going again in a few weeks, and I’m not feeling nervous at all really. I have my lovely new car, which is amazing, and doing the motorways pretty much all the way.
I definitely think that driving more, venturing out to different, new places, and taking yourself on little adventures to see where you end up would really help build up your confidence. We’ve gone all over the place since last year, and encountered plenty of weird junctions, but nothing that I haven’t managed (even with some internal screaming 😂). It is definitely a case a practice practice practice with driving, and the confidence will come in time. Good luck and happy driving!

I agree about practising as much as you can, and not to worry about v minor mishaps (not accidents!), and trying to learn from them, including getting lost and being better at reading maps, as well as prepping for journeys. I learnt to drive over 30 years ago, and I wanted to be a confident driver, which I am.
Not long after passing my test I booked a 2 hour motorway lesson with my instructor, best money I've ever spent. We whizzed up and down motorways and around big roundabouts, I learnt how to judge speed, safety on and off the motorway, and practised overtaking. I enjoy motorway driving best of all.
On my own I also practised reversing a huge amount, as we lived on a busy road and it wasn't safe to reverse out of the drive. I would go to quiet car parks and practice a lot. This helped me get a better feel for driving and improve my parking.

However...on one of my first trips out on my own I went to a supermarket and could not manoeuvre the car out of the parking space, ended up having to drive forwards over the kerb, flattening a bush about 4ft high. This was after ages of faffing, grinding of gears, and being very flustered. I shopped somewhere else after that!

Bless you, I was in a similar situation but I was a super nervous driver. I actually had hypnotherapy which I have to say was unbelievable. It got me back in the driving seat. I'm still only driving on tiny roads in the country and have stuck my p plates back on. Practice is a must but it makes absolute sense to book some refresher lessons if you can. It doesn't matter what others have or haven't done, do what's best for you. I find a good look at a map before going anywhere is essential as satnavs distract me and I feel more confident with a good plan ahead of the journey. Good luck.

HNRTT but if your anxiety comes from perceived pressure from other drivers then perhaps try going for a drive on Sundays?

Good luck.

If you can, try driving around your area at night after rush hour is done. Can go further afield each time and try a motorway when it's less busy, if one is near you of course, not an easy option if you are in the north of Scotland.

You’ve just got to do it. Because you can. & not over think it!

I’ve been driving 20+ years. I don’t tend to drive long journeys because my husband is an AWFUL passenger.

but I can do it. If I think about it in advance, it bothers me, if I just do it …. Well I just do it!

He’s either not with me, or asleep!

you will make mistakes! Accept that now. Just know you’ll get re-routed and/or have to “perform a u-turn”, as the sat nav says. That doesn’t mean you have to do a 3 point turn! You could keep going to the next roundabout, drive round the block, or pull off the road onto a car park to turn, catch your breath, check the map/sat nav and start again.

just do it!

It’s just practice and more practice. I learned young then moved to a city where I didn’t drive for 15 years then moved to somewhere where I needed a car.
I was nervous but the more you drive the easier it gets.
practice, on your own. Take your time and don’t let other drivers rush you into mistakes.

Just remember that taking a wrong turn doesn't matter.

If you are at a complicated junction or interchange just drive safely, don't panic if you are in the wrong lane or aren't sure which exit. Don't take chances to avoid taking a wrong turn.

If you have Google maps or similar it will always reroute you so you will never be lost, it just might take you a little longer to get to your destination. Accidents happen when people are so desperate not to "go wrong" that they take chances like last minute lane changes or cutting across traffic.

In my experience the best way to improve your confidence driving is to get out there on your own. Other people sitting there reacting to your driving is not helpful. My driving came on in leaps and bounds when I just got out there myself and had to do it. I couldn't rely on anyone else - I had to take responsibility for it and crack on.

You won't like me saying this - but based on your posts - you need to go out on a drive and do a route with lots of right turns. The only way to deal with your anxiety over it is to practice - and that means doing it until it's no longer scary. Same with motorways - nervous drivers always see motorways as these big scary things but they're not - in many ways they are easier than smaller roads. It's about learning to read the road and to look ahead.

With junctions, roundabouts and worries about taking the wrong lane or going the wrong way - we've all done it! You just find a safe place to turn around and correct your route. Going the wrong way isn't a disaster - the key is how you deal with it. As long as you remain safe in your driving (ie don't panic and do something dangerous) then your skills in navigation, reading signs, reading the road etc... will develop. Simply allow extra time for wherever you are going so that if you DO go the wrong way - you have plenty time to spare to deal with it - so you don't need to stress/panic.

When I first got my licence I made it my business to drive on as many different types of road as possible and to just build my experience - I don't like being scared of doing something and you don't want to be one of these drivers who will only go somewhere if it's on minor roads and only involves left hand turns! You clearly passed your test so someone decided you were capable of driving - have belief in yourself! Go out driving - deal with the scary things - and you will get there! If you are out and it's feeling overwhelming - pull over - take a breath - gather your thoughts and then continue. There is nothing you can't handle - just take your time, drive safely and your confidence will build.