The man who wants to marry me still whatsapps his ex-wife "Happy Wedding Anniversary" even though they divorced 15 years ago

[Number7x]

I have been in a relationship with a man for a year. He has declared that he wants to marry me. I recently discovered that he and his ex-wife (divorced 15 years ago and share a son now aged 25) whatsapp each other on "their wedding anniversary" and apparently are coming up to their "30th wedding anniversary".

He does not see why he should stop.
He still has a joint bank account with her, he still goes round for supper at her house once a month "because the son lives there", still borrows money off her, still does her taxes, still goes to her for referrals such as handyman, never talks to her in front of me - always in another room or when I am out and she still calls him "darling". I object to my partner allowing this to continue, I believe it suits him to have her attention even at this minimal level although I am also sure he would not want to get back together with her.

I think if he is in a relationship with me, he should not be holding down a somewhat continued marriage with her and should have absolutely nothing further to do with her, at all. There can't be two "darlings" can there? Am I being unreasonable?

Run!

I couldn't deal with that sort of shit. He'd be our of the door with his feet not touching the ground.

Can't stand people who game play in any way.

He has declared that he wants to marry me

^ I mean that says to me break up from just that sentence. You don’t feel loved, he wants to marry you, you don’t want to marry him. Why are you with him?

How have you put up with that for a year? Genuine question because that’s so far from ‘normal’

The anniversary thing is fucking weird!

Nothing wrong with keeping a civil or even friendly relationship but he’s over the line!

Run!

He is treating you like crap & you're letting him, why?!

See them there hills? They’re for you.

This is bang on. Also this guy sounds like a lemon, get out of there!

Oh god, run!!

Why are you still with this douche?

Why does he still have a joint account with her? Is it a 'dead' account or is it active? Have you ever met his son or the ex-wife?

Tbh I really couldn't be arsed with this. Ditch him and find a man who wants a future with you, not a past with his ex.

Walk away now OP.
Now.

Absolutely this!

Cut and run, don't look back. Dick is plentiful.

YABU for staying! He has not moved on. Please think more of yourself!

That's really weird. He obviously still likes her, I'd run unless you enjoy being 2nd best

Run! There’s being civil, and there’s still being joined at the hip. I’d dump him unless you want to be in a relationship with her too. Neither of them appear to be leading separate lives and acting like they’re divorced.

Run, run far.

You sound as if you are blaming the ex wife ( “he enjoys the attention”) but it seems like he is fully participating in this relationship (with his ex)

I think you’re the other woman in this scenario

She’s not an ex-wife…

does she know about you?

The joint bank account thing??? WTAF

And goes for supper as they share a child? He's 25 FGS.

This is the weirdest relationship I have every heard of. Its got to be a wind up post surely

Totally unreasonable to want him to have nothing to do with her. They share a son and whilst he is now adult what’s wrong with maintaining interest in him as parents in common? Also plenty of people stay amicable and friendly with people they split up with.

But he does seem very involved.

It's fine for them to be friends - and the wedding anniversary thing could be a joke - but they're way too entwined for you to have a healthy relation, let alone a marriage. I'm not sure you can have a three-way bank account.

I've heard some weird things on here but this one is up there with the best of them.