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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Does she *Need to go full time if I don’t *Need her to?

87 replies

Charliesays77 · 09/08/2022 22:05

I’m British but live abroad.
Where I am, compulsory schooling doesn’t start until age 6, pre school is age 3-6 and it’s optional.
Dd is 4 and I’d like to send her part time, I’m a Sahm at present (due to complete masters next year-hopefully!) and Early years & Primary school teacher.
We do lots of activities at home, lots of outings, lots of play dates and playgrounds and so on. Dd can read short words and write a little, I’m not overly concerned about the educational aspect at all. Socially we see lots of friends and play with neighbours.
Would it be weird to send her part time, at least for the first year-say two days per week or would you put her in full time, if you didn’t *Have to?

OP posts:
Hercisback · 09/08/2022 22:37

What's convention where you live?
No one bats an eyelid at PT nursery yet PT school would be a bit different and tricky for some parents/children to keep up with the curriculum.
If others are PT then go for it.

Original poster
Charliesays77 · 09/08/2022 22:38

@Rodion Yes, this is it. My ideal plan is part time this first year-4-5 years, then most likely full time -5-6 or at least the term before she turns 6, in preparation for full time.

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Rowen32 · 09/08/2022 22:38

I'd keep her at home as long as you want, as many days as you want! (also have a background in education)

Original poster
Charliesays77 · 09/08/2022 22:40

@OppsUpsSide I agree..but when I say it to Dh and my parents etc (well, my dad) they seem to believe that at 4, that’s it, into the system full time.

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Original poster
Charliesays77 · 09/08/2022 22:43

@Hercisback Well, this is the thing, it’s not essentially part time school yet…it’s pre school from 3-6-no solid curriculum to keep up with. The September after turning 6, it’s compulsory for children to attend school, where there’s no option for part time etc.

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Original poster
Charliesays77 · 09/08/2022 22:45

@Rowen32 My *Only slight concern was socially, not educationally, but surely if it’s two full days per week, plus gymnastics, swimming, playgrounds, play dates etc…that should be ok?

If she adores it and asks to go daily, we will do that.

OP posts:
5zeds · 09/08/2022 22:45

Why do you think she wouldn’t like to go full time?

Original poster
Charliesays77 · 09/08/2022 22:47

@5zeds She may end up wanting to go full time, I don’t know yet.
My preference would be part time, but if she’d be happier going every day, we’d do that.

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OppsUpsSide · 09/08/2022 22:48

And yet as professionals who have taught children of that age we both disagree… and we’re not the only ones.
Stand firm, you have the knowledge both as a professional and a parent to know what is best for your child, they should listen to you. Or not, that is their choice but hold steady on it influencing your decision because I doubt you need their input tbh.

Rowen32 · 09/08/2022 22:51

Charliesays77 · 09/08/2022 22:45

@Rowen32 My *Only slight concern was socially, not educationally, but surely if it’s two full days per week, plus gymnastics, swimming, playgrounds, play dates etc…that should be ok?

If she adores it and asks to go daily, we will do that.

It seems more than enough. I feel they're in education long enough. It's well known now young children learn better through play and really shouldn't be in formal learning as early as they are in most countries so I'd be thrilled to live where you live and would totally embrace the freedom!

CheshireSplat · 09/08/2022 22:52

My children are 7 and 10 now and with hindsight I'd have loved to spend a bit more time with them between 4 and 6.... And I'd spent a few of those years wondering if I should have them! It's so true that those years go quickly...

CleopatrasBeautifulNose · 09/08/2022 22:53

Doubs to be as though she is getting every bit as much development and variable experiences in her time with you. School aren't going to do more. I don't think you need to be conditioned to a school routine so young, they are just as likely to be accepting if that with a bit more maturity as now.
There is a lot of value in having a really strong bond and quality time with main carer at this young age, such security and self confidence comes from it.

OppsUpsSide · 09/08/2022 22:57

It's well known now young children learn better through play and really shouldn't be in formal learning as early as they are

It is, but you still see it regularly ignored. I did supply in a reception class with appalling behaviour where the outside was only used when a child escaped and was essentially quarantined like an angry animal, otherwise all table based learning with objectives they couldn’t meet. I also shared a class with another teacher who wanted to remove the Lego… because some children enjoyed playing with it too much. Rather than find ways of using their enthusiasm and play to extend their learning she removed it on her days and then got cross that they ‘misbehaved’. Unbelievable!

Beepbeepenergy · 09/08/2022 23:00

My little girl only turned 3 years old last week and starts in September at nursery for 3 hrs everyday mon-fri
she’s young and I’m scared but she’s an only child and loves playing with other kids so know it will be good for her, and good for me so I can get boring cleaning stuff done without feeling guilty xx

SpaceyCake · 09/08/2022 23:03

I'm from a country where kids start school at 6-7 and my brother didn't go to nursery or preschool at all. My mum tells me that apparently me and him decided that it wasn't for him and that we would be better off if he was at home with us until he started school. Mum thought it was fine. 😂I don't think mum had to justify it to anyone back in the day though. She just kept him home and we played together. There were a lot of families on our street though and we all kind of grew up together so he was certainly not missing out on the social aspect of preschool.

I went to nursery/preschool when my brother started school. I would have preferred to stay at home but I'm still like that so that's just me. If I were you I'd do the part time option and see how you get on.

Original poster
Charliesays77 · 09/08/2022 23:07

@Rowen32 Exactly! I feel lucky to have the choice and want to make the most of it.

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SpringtimeDandelions · 09/08/2022 23:09

I would absolutely do part-time in your shoes unless she wants to go full time when it comes to it.

I have lived and worked in primary and preschool settings both in a country where children start school later and in the UK. I live in the UK now and wish there was the option here for my child, who at four sounds similar in level of education/skills to yours, to start later (without being an outlier) as they do in some other countries.

Small children have so much energy and creativity that can be so well fostered at home (if parents have time). Once the steamroller of school starts, suddenly it feels like there is no time!

Original poster
Charliesays77 · 09/08/2022 23:09

@CheshireSplat The years do go so quickly, I would love to have that little extra time with her whilst I still can.
I’m very conscious of the fact that I’d love to have her with me full time and to keep in check that I’m doing the best for her, if that makes sense? Hence the post.

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Original poster
Charliesays77 · 09/08/2022 23:10

@CleopatrasBeautifulNose I agree

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PippinStar · 09/08/2022 23:11

I’m not in the UK. The preschool mine go to recommends starting them off 2-3 days a week and building up gradually. It’s totally up to you (and your DC). I can’t think of any downsides of a gradual approach tbh.

Waspo · 09/08/2022 23:13

I don't think it will make any difference education wise whether she is part time or full time at this age, especially if they aren't following a formal curriculum at the pre school level.

So you can do what makes you both happy!

GeorginasDog · 09/08/2022 23:13

@Charliesays77

I would absolutely have put my DC in part time until 6 if that was an option, I am not really fan of starting school at 5. I was just wondering though if you had considered mornings or afternoons only instead of 2/3 full days. It would help her routine maybe?

Original poster
Charliesays77 · 09/08/2022 23:15

@OppsUpsSide See this is exactly what I want to move away from!
I’ve been out of formal classroom teaching since I had Dd (still tutor) and I’m not sure I could return to it. I just feel so differently about it all now.

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tickticksnooze · 09/08/2022 23:15

I don't think part time is a big deal and I would have no concerns about that, but my personal sense is that two days is the worst of both worlds - it's not enough time to take the benefits of that option but also not enough time to properly settle and have the routine, so every week it's disruption and stress of adjusting to something very different to home life then it not being there. Then it being back and adapting. Then it being gone.

I think four or five half days would be better than two full days as there's more continuity and opportunity to settle and establish routine/predictability. Especially if you think about all the relationship building that will happen in the five days until she's next there. It leaves her on the periphery if everyone else in the group sees each other every day (once per week activity groups have a different dynamic because everyone is in the same boat). Even three full days or three and a half days would be better.

"Training" to start formal school I don't think is relevant or necessary, that idea is mostly a cultural belief. For me it would be more about choosing a part time pattern that is going to be more beneficial than disruptive, and I think two full days falls on the disruptive side of the scales.

Original poster
Charliesays77 · 09/08/2022 23:23

@GeorginasDog Do you mean every morning Mon-Fri? I’ve considered this also, but know that they do a mix of activities…singing/music in the mornings, play, art in the afternoons, outdoor play. I’d also like her to have lunch there and have the full lunchtime play 🤔

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