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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect children to want to do things in the holidays?

66 replies

IdiotbutNOTabroad · 09/08/2022 14:07

Twins - aged 13
Son would spend his life on the Xbox but isn’t allowed so then does spend time doing other things but has to be hassled
Daughter only wants to do things such as coffee shops or clothes shopping!
I work evenings so am around all day over holidays and always have this wonderful feeling that I’ll get to spend lots of time with them but having just returned from yet another walk on my own as they didn’t want to come with me; I’m realising this seems to be it!
im taking them to the cinema and out for dinner tomorrow so they’ll be happy with that but I can’t afford £100 days out frequently!
what do other people do when the kids get to this age??

OP posts:
FlyingSaucerss · 09/08/2022 14:10

Mine don’t really want to go anywhere either tbh! I feel like the hot weather is being wasted staying at home

Original poster
IdiotbutNOTabroad · 09/08/2022 14:12

It was so much easier when they were young and would pack them up in the car and off we would go for the day!
I wouldn’t mind if we were indoor doing stuff, board games even but after a quick game of something I’ve MADE them play, they retreat off to their rooms again!

OP posts:
sotired2 · 09/08/2022 14:14

its their age nothing against you but teenagers just want to do their own thing and not be dragged out by a parent.

Muchtoomuchtodo · 09/08/2022 14:14

Mine want to spend time with their friends, that might just be at home or going to the beach, or occasionally we’ll try to organise going to the AquaPark, cinema etc.

But mostly just hang around with a friend or two

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 09/08/2022 14:14

They are teenagers. What do YOU want them to do?

Hang around the house? Play in the park?

Let them be themselves. If it's not fitting in with your plan, that's your problem, not theirs.

Plus it's bloody hot!

And how does it cost £100 to go the cinema?

Festoonlights · 09/08/2022 14:15

We compromise they basically ‘earn’ screen time by going outside and doing some exercise.
My teens are up for cycling still, water sports etc so ask for a list of what they are prepared to do. If it’s shopping then shop, or a gaming convention. They are allowed to hand their own tastes and preferences.

Festoonlights · 09/08/2022 14:16

I do have to bite back when its 33c and they are hollow eyed in ear phones in a huge hoodie.

WhatNoRaisins · 09/08/2022 14:22

It sounds pretty normal for their age to be honest.

RagzRebooted · 09/08/2022 14:23

I've got 3, ages 12, 15 and 16. The middle child goes out into the village most days for hours with his mates and gets fresh air and exercise, then he's off for a 2 week cadet camp.
Eldest games on his PC from waking (late!) to sleep (bedtime is 10pm so not after that), if he's at home. But he does go to his girlfriend's once or twice a week and had a trial shift for a job last Friday so hopefully that will work out.
Youngest hides in her room, very occasionally goes out with her friend to the park. She's at Forest school 3 days this week as we got a free place, but that's her only summer holiday activity.

The only thing I can persuade them to all come out for is food! Can't afford meals out though. They would also go for cinema or something but can't afford that either. So they're all getting much more screen time than I would like, but so are most of their friends.

Hesma · 09/08/2022 14:25

I took mine to a clip n climb yesterday, they loved it! We also do cinema trips using meerkat movies. Will probably go swimming a few times and maybe go ape.

Sartre · 09/08/2022 14:28

It’s just their age. My eldest is 12 and he’s the same, he’d be happiest staying at home playing games all day and is annoyed when I tell him to get off them and do something else. Looks at me like I have two heads when I tell him to come out with me somewhere and spends most of the time we’re out complaining.

Much easier to please when they’re younger, my 3 year old is happy with a trip to the library and shops!

Triffid1 · 09/08/2022 14:46

Mine are a bit younger but also have nieces and nephews and all round the same age... I think it's normal and perfectly healthy. For me, the compromise is that certain "bigger" events are in the diary (usually discussed and agreed with them) and those are happening no matter what. So this holiday we've done a day trip to the beach, I dragged them all to the pool one day and we've had a cinema trip. Both DC have also had specific days of holiday camps in the context of their specific interests. We'll be doing a trip into London next week and probably another one the week after to go to the Science Museum.

The rest of the time I don't mind if it's a bit fluid. They might come for a walk with me and the dog or DD and me/DH will go to the playground. DD and I will do a shopping trip with her grandmother and DS and I are planning a shopping trip for last minute school items. These will, of course, involve lunch and coffee/cake too! :)

At least once or twice in the holidays DH takes the kids together or separately to the trampoline park- gets them all out of the house and active for an hour or two and then they return to their screens!

Becky6758 · 09/08/2022 15:08

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 09/08/2022 14:14

They are teenagers. What do YOU want them to do?

Hang around the house? Play in the park?

Let them be themselves. If it's not fitting in with your plan, that's your problem, not theirs.

Plus it's bloody hot!

And how does it cost £100 to go the cinema?

She said cinema and out for lunch.

So it can very easily hit £100 for both.

10HailMarys · 09/08/2022 16:59

I often see Mumsnetters complaining that their children aren't 'doing things' in the holidays, and whenever I do I think back to my own childhood and how much I enjoyed not doing much at all in the holidays, even when I was quite young. I would have hated being sent off to clubs and activities or playdates all the time, and at 13 if I did something with my mum it would have been a wander down to the town (no car, so we walked) and we'd have a look round the shops and maybe a snack in a cafe. The rest of the time I'd mooch about, watch weird summer holiday stuff on telly that wasn't on during term time, read a lot, lie around in the garden when it was hot, play endless board games with my older brother, embark on some kind of art/craft type activity of my own devising, that kind of thing. Some of my happiest times and most creative ideas ever came from having nothing to do. In my pre-teen years I played with my friend from down the street sometimes, and when I was a teenager I might meet up with friends occasionally to go into London or go to the cinema, but I wouldn't have wanted to 'do things' every day at all.

RatherBeRiding · 09/08/2022 17:03

They probably just want to decompress after the school year and not have to get up at a certain time, be somewhere at a certain time, pay attention, concentrate, come home and do homework.

Unless they start complaining of boredom I'd leave them to it.

JaninaDuszejko · 09/08/2022 17:09

I hide the mobiles / laptops / keyboard and mouse / TV controls so they have to find something else to do. I'm quite happy for them to spend all day at home reading or doing arts and crafts or kicking a ball about in the garden or arranging things to do with their friends but mindlessly staring at screens all day is not OK. They much prefer the days I don't WFH and they only have to persuade DH.

NumberTheory · 09/08/2022 17:10

I have teen twins and it has been the same for me this year. Before this they’d been much happier with trips out (we did a lot of going to free museums, picnic and walk in the woods, swimming trip, etc.) this year it’s been like dragging them through treacle unless it’s an expensive day shopping or going to a theme park. Even getting them to invite friends round has been an uphill struggle most of the time, though one has been persuaded to go to a sports camp for a week by one friend.

I’ve managed to get them doing a few small projects at home. We made ginger beer yesterday, and we did some baking (cake, of course!) last week. We’ve got a robotics kit they say they’re excited about but put me off when I suggested getting started on it…

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 09/08/2022 17:11

It is a bit sad when they’re teens, but you’re looking wistfully at adventure playgrounds and outdoor swimming pools (or whatever) wishing they were still up for it! Not to mention all the Christmas activities.

Id embrace it I guess! My dd is 13 and just wants to sit in a hammock reading her book 😂 She likes going to coffee shops too, like your dd, which I see as a plus.

I dunno. I do get her involved in some sporty/ outdoor stuff with me and my 8 yo too but mostly you have to accept that they are older.

Its kind of great you’ve got twins because you haven’t got the clash of stages - so one wanting to do stuff whilst the other doesn’t, a younger one saying “she doesn’t play with meeeee” etc

Take advantage of the chance to have a rest yourself! Or take up a hobby/ download Duolingo or whatever!

Roselilly36 · 09/08/2022 17:26

Totally normal at 13, they aren’t interested in days out with mum at that age.

Usernumber1squillion · 09/08/2022 17:37

@RagzRebooted why does your 16yo have a bedtime of 10pm in the holidays?

Mellowyell292 · 09/08/2022 17:41

DS is 13 and he's a completely different human to the one we took on holiday last year. It's OK when we're at home as he's got his friends but we're in a cottage for a week and its bit tricky. We're doing something together each day for a couple of hours and then letting him chill. It's hard as you want to do stuff together especially after covid.

lightand · 09/08/2022 17:46

I would try
Taking them to relatives - new experiences
Taking them occasionally to visit a sick person - helps them get their priorities right
Pay them to do minor chores around the house
Time to learn new skills or brush up on some, if appropriate

Personally I think learning skills is underrated. Not convinced everyone is going to be able to afford uni. Skills on the otherhand, are always useful.

Having time to think is no bad thing. So long as they dont get really bored.
Boredom on the other hand can be dangerous in my opinion.

JubileeTrifle · 09/08/2022 17:52

I’m struggling with DD. She happy though I just feel bad as I want her to go out and enjoy herself. Which she would, with her friends, just not us.
DH thinks she should do as she is told and he was never given any choice. However, they never went anywhere for the day, he would have to go shopping with his mum and carry stuff. Which isn’t the same thing and was a crappy thing to do.

As the youngest I was forced to go on day trips to places I had no interest in, there was nothing for me to do. I was meant to smile for the camera and be ‘grateful’ it was shit.

Singleandproud · 09/08/2022 18:26

DD is red headed, doesn't like the heat, shopping, loud noises or crowds. She does love water, wildlife, cinema and theatre. So it's really a case of picking battles.

Fortunately we live close to the beach so we either go early or late and we've been most days this holiday to keep costs down.

Today we were at the beach before 8am, I made a nice picnic breakfast and took sausage baguettes, pain au chocolate, fruit and yogurt with orange juice and hot chocolate. We literally put swim wear on from bed, did teeth and then were there, had breakfast, swam in the sea and were home by 11:30. Its minimal faff for us really, our beach stuff lives in the car from May onwards, we take food, a couple of camping chairs and body or paddle boards depending on the current and we go home wet as we have waterproof seat covers and get showered at home.

Shes spent the rest of the day digging out her old barbie style dolls, giving them a hair cut and making them clothes using her sewing machine.
Earlier in the week we did the opposite, had a really lazy day then I cooked dinner at 6pm took it to the beach and we swam until about 8.30pm.

She hasn't started making plans to meet friends yet although I have encouraged her.

What we learnt from lock down was to not over schedule ourselves. Every evening used to be filled with commitments and now we make sure to include lots of empty time, lots of down time and we are both happier for it.

SpeckofDustUponMySoul · 09/08/2022 18:34

They're B/G twins and you want to do the same thing with both at 13?
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
I'm a twin, as was my sister, and my Mum, and I have twins (4.5).
They're 13. At the prime age of not wanting to do stuff with Mummy, or each other.
Just let them be.
😳

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