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Original poster

to expect children to want to do things in the holidays?

66 replies

IdiotbutNOTabroad · 09/08/2022 14:07

Twins - aged 13
Son would spend his life on the Xbox but isn’t allowed so then does spend time doing other things but has to be hassled
Daughter only wants to do things such as coffee shops or clothes shopping!
I work evenings so am around all day over holidays and always have this wonderful feeling that I’ll get to spend lots of time with them but having just returned from yet another walk on my own as they didn’t want to come with me; I’m realising this seems to be it!
im taking them to the cinema and out for dinner tomorrow so they’ll be happy with that but I can’t afford £100 days out frequently!
what do other people do when the kids get to this age??

OP posts:
Savingpeoplehuntingthings · 09/08/2022 18:36

DS is 12 DD is 14. I work term time and have always loved that we get to spend holidays together but this year I feel redundant.

They're fine away on holiday but at home is another matter. They just want to chill or spend time with friends which is totally understandable but I'm bored stiff. They don't want to go for walks anymore, or adventure playgrounds or the farm. I get it I do but I'm lonely and redundant. I'm thinking of looking for another job.

They will do the odd day out with good grace but I'm used to being the in house entertainment. They've outgrown me 😭

Dalaidramailama · 09/08/2022 18:37

Sounds incredibly normal I’m afraid at that age.

Dalaidramailama · 09/08/2022 18:40

@Savingpeoplehuntingthings

I hear you with the TT working and older kids. Time to look for a full time job because I’m bored stiff looking at them but they’ll probably kill each other if I’m not here 🤔!!

PinkSyCo · 09/08/2022 18:48

At 13 my children would occasionally come on a dog walk with me but I wouldn’t expect them to come on a boring walk with just me. Unless money is being spent on them they would much rather go out with their friends, which may be sad for us mums, but is totally normal and natural. Why is it costing you a 100 quid for 3 of you to go to the cinema and get a bite to eat though?

HappyBinosaur · 09/08/2022 18:49

My older boys are 14 and 16 and I find if we are actually away on holiday they will happily do stuff with us (me, dh and younger siblings) in the day. This week they’ve happily been at the beach every day of our UK holiday and when we went abroad earlier in the year we spent loads of time as a family in the pool or waterpark or sightseeing.

But during the rest of the school holidays I also find they want to be on their PlayStation most of the time!!!
Normally I book a few things that I make them do - and they always enjoy it when we get there - such as an escape room, or go ape, but I can’t afford to do that every week!

They will sometimes arrange to go out together or with friends to the cinema with their own money which isn’t family time but at least it gets them out of the house!!

EnglishRose1320 · 09/08/2022 18:51

My ds' are 12 and 16,

The 16 yr old has asd and uses his computer to regulate, so he has more screen time than I would like. In the summer we have the rule that he has to leave the house a minimum of three times a week for non screen activities and that seems to work quite well. He goes to a club once a week, then either meets up with a friend or comes out with us for the other times.

The 12 yr old, doesn't need to be on a screen and can quickly get addicted to one. So in the summer, he is allowed to use the computer/his phone etc... between 8-10 in the morning and then again between 6-8 in the evening but in the middle of the day he needs to either go out somewhere with me or find something to do at home or meet up with friends. At rhe start of the holiday I gave him some post it notes and got him to fill the front of his wardrobe with ideas for activities and days out and he is slowly working through them. It's going fairly well, we do still have the odd grumble about being bored but better than I had hoped.

BlackbirdsSinging · 09/08/2022 18:52

Give them daily chores to keep them occupied (doesn’t have to be anything too onerous).
Walks.
Board games.
Trip to get a hot chocolate/cake/ice cream.
Jigsaws.
Reading.
Baking.
Book a tennis court.
Swimming.
Bike ride.

Just say they have to do one chore and one family activity a day. They could make their own suggestions.
Limit screen time to whatever you consider appropriate.

OhIKnow · 09/08/2022 18:53

Sounds normal to me. My teens tend to hang around at home gaming or just watching TV and mooching about, go out with friends on their bikes etc. I leave them to it. I may suggest things but don't force, it's their time off as well as mine. I also don’t think there's anything wrong with being bored, it can often result in good things! Learning to unwind, manage your own time and being able to just be without the need for entertainment is valuable.

Sunnyqueen · 09/08/2022 18:54

Why don't they go out with their mates?
I wouldn't be bothered about every day maybe one outing every few days the rest is their own time.

Hbh17 · 09/08/2022 18:55

I just went to the library every week in my teens, and read a minimum of 3 books a week. Upstairs in my bedroom for the entire 6 weeks' holiday (it was long before the internet) and only came out for meals. Why would a 13 year old want to spend time with their parent & sibling?!

user1487194234 · 09/08/2022 18:57

Just leave them to it FGS

OriginalUsername2 · 09/08/2022 19:03

Mine are happy as pigs in poo watching YouTube, listening to music, playing Xbox, staying up late, eating snacks. My only rule is have a shower and don’t leave food in your rooms. They run over the road to climb trees for an hour every couple of days.

I took them to a climbing centre and for lunch today which they loved but that’s our one expensive day out done for the summer. Free things like picnics, family walks, etc. bore them because they’ve done them since they were babies.

I spoke to them about the holidays before, telling them they’re old enough to make plans with friends so feel free to do so. No interest in that. They just want free time with no expectations, to relax and not think about school. For 6 weeks out of their busy lives I’ll give them that, easy peasey.

Tinkerblonde1 · 09/08/2022 19:26

Don't understand the horror of svreen time. It's the holidays ffs.

MintJulia · 09/08/2022 19:35

My DS would happily spend his whole day playing computer games, it drives me crazy, it's so boring. So I arrange cycling, swimming canoeing or exploring and insist he comes too.

The mutinous look lasts about 3 minutes, then he enjoys himself. We went to the coast last week. It was stunning, plus ice cream, and the lunch on the way home. He doesn't like crowds or cities so I choose places he'll like.

If I didn't, he'd spend seven weeks wearing pjs and not seeing the sun 😄

LondonJax · 09/08/2022 19:42

I was talking to DH today about exactly this. Our DS (15) lives in his room, joins us for food/TV/the odd board game at some point. In the past we'd go to the cinema but we've seen the only film any of us in interested in (bad timing). He too is fine on holiday - happy to go out and about anywhere. But at home he just wants to chill out. He's met up with friends a couple of times and has a sleep over planned so he's socialising a bit.

But, as I said to DH, I remember when I was single, taking a week off work in the summer and just reading in the garden, watching afternoon films and nipping to the shops to get something nice for lunch. I didn't go anywhere, didn't do much. I just needed to stop, recharge.

And that's all DS is doing. Stopping and recharging. He's fine, he's laughing, he's talking. He just doesn't want to be dragged about to places.

dreamingbohemian · 09/08/2022 19:56

I really think summer holidays for teens should be all about letting them rest and recharge. During the school year they work so hard and have so little control over their own lives, they need a break.

The PP who wants her kids reading or doing arts and crafts all day, I mean there's a medium ground between that and screens all day, surely.

My DS has some days to do whatever he wants, some days where we all do some excursion together, and some days that we push him to do something a bit different or cultural or whatever. But I want him to be happy and relax, just like when I have a holiday!

Labradooor · 09/08/2022 19:57

For those in there 40s you’ll remember the theme tune to Why Don’t You….

Labradooor · 09/08/2022 19:58

Labradooor · 09/08/2022 19:57

For those in there 40s you’ll remember the theme tune to Why Don’t You….

their

CandyLeBonBon · 09/08/2022 20:00

I'm in my 50s and I remember 'why don't you?...'

I didn't want to do anything with my family when I was 13 either. Not much has changed.

Pinklady245612 · 09/08/2022 20:07

We've compromised this summer - we are having a small outing every Tuesday afternoon (local walk / ice cream etc) and then a bigger outing every Friday (cinema / local maize maze etc). The rest of the week is up to them, although I have massively encouraged them to meet friends. Most of the time they are doing something at home though. Mine are 11 and 13

ImAvingOops · 09/08/2022 20:28

I have the opposite problem - dd (14) wants to be out and fully entertained everyday. I can't afford to do expensive stuff every day and there's not much going on here that's cheap and that she hasn't already done loads of already.

Newnormal99 · 09/08/2022 20:37

My teen is 14. She has done a day in London with friends and a couple more planned. We had a night away. She will pop to local town and browse charity shops / buy boba. She has also uncomplainingly been doing holiday homework - she is going into y11 so has about 40/50 hours to complete over holidays.

But equally she is still happy to do stuff with her little sister - a Victorian day at local museum is booked for next week.

Festoonlights · 10/08/2022 10:28

Sometimes they just need a bit of encouragement and carrot and stick. I agree decompression is very important but no one needs 6 weeks of decompression !! An easy life is to leave them to it, but good parenting is still having boundaries around screen time and health and exercise etc.

Tinkerblonde1 · 10/08/2022 10:53

Festoonlights · 10/08/2022 10:28

Sometimes they just need a bit of encouragement and carrot and stick. I agree decompression is very important but no one needs 6 weeks of decompression !! An easy life is to leave them to it, but good parenting is still having boundaries around screen time and health and exercise etc.

6 weeks isn't much. It feels nothing in the grand scheme of things.

Merryoldgoat · 10/08/2022 10:56

You think a 13 yo would be interested in a WALK?

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