to expect children to want to do things in the holidays?

[IdiotbutNOTabroad]

Twins - aged 13
Son would spend his life on the Xbox but isn’t allowed so then does spend time doing other things but has to be hassled
Daughter only wants to do things such as coffee shops or clothes shopping!
I work evenings so am around all day over holidays and always have this wonderful feeling that I’ll get to spend lots of time with them but having just returned from yet another walk on my own as they didn’t want to come with me; I’m realising this seems to be it!
im taking them to the cinema and out for dinner tomorrow so they’ll be happy with that but I can’t afford £100 days out frequently!
what do other people do when the kids get to this age??

I wouldn’t say you’re being unreasonable exactly, but I think you just have to accept how they are. Our oldest son had lost interest in doing things with us by the time he was 13, our two younger sons continued to be interested much longer.

Mine (14 and 12) are the same. Would prefer, they claim, to spend the whole holiday just playing video games with the occasional swim. I had reached the point of deciding all trips out were for my benefit only, and decided not to bother any more.
But - the 12 year old said wistfully, out of nowhere, "remember that great trip we had to [x] last year?" It was an awful trip, everyone moaned their head off and I cried to myself on the beach because they were being so foul. But he remembers it as being great. So maybe I should keep dragging them out after all - it's no fun for me though.

@ReindeerGames

I have a similar story. Took mine to Blackpool illuminations for two days of trash and “fun”. Rained the whole time and they were pretty foul. I cried in the car 🤦‍♀️. No one was having fun. Why did I think Blackpool would be fun?

DD randomly came out with are we going to the illuminations again this year that was great mum 🤦‍♀️.

Indeed. And it is really hot. I am in a lovely air conditioned office today. Just went out for lunch - yuck. I am not going out again until I have to go home!

Leave kids alone, it's all about parents wanting to #make memories (yuck).

You expect your 13 year olds to want to go on walks with their mum?

YABU

I went to a school where most people went by bus and this thread has really reminded me about those awful summer holidays in my teens. My poor parents really tried to keep us occupied by staggering their leave so they could take us out but by that point I was just not keen on too many days out with them. You have to be realistic with teenagers, it's a normal phase for them to need some distance.

I don't think it's about expecting your teen to still want to spend time with you. I think it's about recognising that it's really not good for our children's mental health to be staring a screens in isolation all day every day.

Don't get me wrong, a good amount of screen time and unwinding is definitely needed. Just not 100% of the holidays.

It's the balance, the teen years are ruddy hard and there is no one perfect way of doing it.

When it's so hot though maybe they don't want to go out, I know I don't, driving to places can be very uncomfortable. 13 is also an awkward age, too young to go off on their own these days but too old to want to do the park trips etc.. I've had my lovely granddaughter, 11 1/2, to stay for part of her summer holidays and it was very difficult, she wasn't even bothered about going to the beach!

I used to love th'illuminations in the rain, they reflected far more! So jealous of people with rain too though it sounds like another year.

@JudgeJ

it was absolutely lashing it down 😂. We will probably go again. Seems like they did actually enjoy them.

I don't have teenagers, but I'd try and milk the fact DD likes going out for coffee and see if she'll get takeaway coffee and go for a walk/window shop type of thing. Cheaper than £100 albeit still not free!

You have my sympathy. Mine is only 2. I get a costa, she gets a free babyccino and we go to feed the ducks. She loves it, and it's pretty much free!

Sorry I don’t think I clearly explained
No way do I expect them to want to spend all their time with their mum!
But it’s not healthy for DS to sit in his room all day and night ( he doesn’t - but wants to ) on the Xbox.
DD moans the entire time that she’s bored but wants to do nothing at all I suggest, unless it’s extravagant days out of shopping and food etc.
With an endless supply of money, she at least would be happy but it’s not possible so the whining is very grating.
We have a dog they wanted so an evening walk is a non negotiable that we all go on together and they do that with no arguments but it’s just hours of nothing ness that’s driving me crazy through the holidays!
I suggested I change my hours for next year and work day shifts rather than evening and DD said “ That’s really mean of you, what will I do all day? “
I said “ but you don’t actually want me now! “
DD “ That’s not the point “
Give me strength!

We walked to the bowling alley today - it’s a 45 min walk each way so that turned into a better day out.
DS thinks I’m trying to save the planet and not use the car, DD thinks I’m trying to lose weight, I told them I don’t mind what they think as long as they’re out of the house!

Six weeks on screen, stuck in a room in isolation is NOT healthy!! Assuming you are the parent and not a kid 🤣 then it’s absolutely your job to ensure they eat healthy food, exercise, socialise and see daylight!! Otherwise they will become over weight, vitamin deficient, socially incompetent and most importantly they are missing out on all the summer fun. Other teens are camping, playing sports, swimming in lidos, hanging out at the beach, surfing or having sleepovers. Your kid has 18 summers - that’s it!

Also wanted to say courts dish out a similar ‘punishment’ /experience week in and week out for assault and battery!!!

Take the screen away fgs and let them live in the real (and amazing) world for 50% of the time tinker at least

That’s what some parents don’t get. You’re labelling all those activities “fun” but they’re excruciatingly boring if you don’t want to do them and you know you’re being forced to enjoy yourself.

What about giving them each a budget and telling them they have to plan a day out each week for you to do as a family? Give them an acceptable distance you are willing to drive and let them research it.