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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell my mum her eating makes me feel uncomfortable?

62 replies

shehesmesloos · 08/08/2022 15:17

She is a crazy woman! Lightheartedly obviously

She laces things with salt. She usually eats a pizza, either just cheese pizza or pepperoni, and then puts a dollop of ketchup on the plate, and a little mountain of salt. She then dips it in both Confused

I made bacon sandwiches and she ate those. Then the next time she was round here, I made her sausages and mash with gravy

She put a mountain of salt on the plate and dipped the sausage in it like it was a sauce

I said to her it actually makes me feel uncomfortable

She said I'm really rude! But we have the sort of relationship where we just move on from little fall outs like that

Am I being rude? I don't know how her heart is still beating 😩

OP posts:
Fairislefandango · 08/08/2022 15:21

Presumably she was already aware it's not good for her, plus you've told her. It's her business. In what way does it make you 'uncomfortable'?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 08/08/2022 15:22

The thing is, it's not really 'light-hearted' to your Mum, is it? She must feel very observed to be eating with you so perhaps it would be better for you not to eat with her.

Salt intake is sensitive for many people but others seem to thrive. I can't do it, I get swollen feet and hands if I have too much but other people don't suffer those effects or any other. It's a mystery.

Only you know if this is worth banging on about or not. My Mum smokes, I wish she didn't but she does. I will not be pulling her up on it because it's too easy to define relationships by 'foibles' - and we all have those.

oopsfellover · 08/08/2022 15:25

Do you mean that she ate YOUR bacon sandwiches? That wouldn’t be on!

SarahSissions · 08/08/2022 15:25

I would worry about her health, but I think the way you addressed it was a bit punchy. If she likes salt that much maybe try and move her to the so-low salt which is slightly healthier (I’d ask the doctor though if she is having so much-in not sure so-low is meant for guzzling!)
would she take other herbs and spices to pep up her food a bit? Or a squeeze of lemon or splash of vinegar. On something like bangers and mash pep up the gravy a bit? Red wine-anchovies, Lee and perrins? Some of these contain salt too, so be careful if she is still going to douse and get double helpings but it might help.
maybe chat about it away from a meal- sometimes it can feel just like the cook is moaning that you have ruined their hard work-rather than a genuine concern for well-being

Original poster
shehesmesloos · 08/08/2022 15:27

This all started after she gave up sugar 5 months ago.

Now she laces everything in salt, and is Restrictive dinner wise - skips lunch and eats a pizza for dinner

OP posts:
Hopeislost · 08/08/2022 15:28

Salt cravings can be indicative of certain deficiencies or health issues so YANBU to be concerned.

Stickmansmum · 08/08/2022 15:31

Its hugely unhealthy! And gross yes.

BloodyCamping · 08/08/2022 15:34

Send her some online info about salt and health

TokyoTen · 08/08/2022 15:40

I think you have to be really careful how you handle it - otherwise you'll just make her more annoyed and won't get her buy in. Can't you tell her it's just because you are concerned because it's great she's given up sugar, but salt can be a problem too?

Having said that my DMum puts on salt like a snowstorm (always has) and she's 91 so I say nothing as I don't want to fall out with her!

Thereisnolight · 08/08/2022 15:40

Nothing wrong with you pointing out to someone you genuinely care about that their habits are unhealthy. It’ll make her stop and think. Tiresome the way everyone’s life choices, no matter how unhealthy, must be “celebrated”.

Original poster
shehesmesloos · 08/08/2022 15:48

My mum had a stroke at 21 so I'm worried!

OP posts:
maranella · 08/08/2022 15:50

Is she aware OP that she's swapped one unhealthy habit for another? Eating that much salt is absolutely terrible for her health and the pizza, sausages, etc aren't much better. Does she have a death wish?

Lioupin · 08/08/2022 15:51

Theres loads of sugar in pizza

superram · 08/08/2022 15:57

My mum has really low blood pressure. She puts salt in crisp packets, on top of already salty crisps. Would you feel better if she spread the salt all over? Tbf id just ignore it, once you've pointed out giving up sugar for salt is probably pointless…..

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 08/08/2022 16:05

She will end up having a stroke like I did.

maddiemookins16mum · 08/08/2022 16:05

BloodyCamping · 08/08/2022 15:34

Send her some online info about salt and health

But yet if a Mother was to dare do this to her adult daughter on here she’d be torn to shreds.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 08/08/2022 16:06

Thereisnolight, where are you reading 'celebrated'? I think most people have the wit to know that an unhealthy lifestyle choice is just that and know that they should make changes but people do what they do. I don't see 'celebration' just defiance at being put under a microscope and wanting to be left alone.

Since people do have the right to make choices, whatever they are, perhaps tolerance is the better path. Berating somebody doesn't get it done, not in my experience anyway.

drpet49 · 08/08/2022 16:09

I don’t understand why you are uncomfortable
with it.

Rosehugger · 08/08/2022 16:11

I like salty things (low BP) but that does sound like a crazy amount of salt.

I'd keep it quite light hearted, not saying it makes me uncomfortable but "Wow, mum, that's a lot of salt! Might be worth having a blood test to see if you're deficient in anything." At the end of the day it's up to her. I'm sure she knows it's not normal to eat that way.

hamstersarse · 08/08/2022 16:14

If she is eating pizza and ketchup, she hasn't given up sugar

Extra salt can be a thing if you go keto (no sugar) because it has a diareutic effect and you don't retain as much water and therefore salt, so you do generally need to get your electrolytes up more than usual. But she is clearly not actually cutting out all sugar so it all sounds a bit messed up.

Watchkeys · 08/08/2022 16:15

In what way do you feel uncomfortable, @shehesmesloos ?

sunsetsandsandybeaches · 08/08/2022 16:15

I mean, she's an adult, she can make her own choices over what she eats. It might not be healthy, but she could argue that the bacon sandwiches and sausages you make aren't particularly healthy either.

I think it's a bit OTT to say it makes you feel uncomfortable, though. You don't need to pay that much attention to what she eats, surely?

Just let her get on with it - it's her life, you can't control how she lives it.

TabithaTittlemouse · 08/08/2022 16:16

drpet49 · 08/08/2022 16:09

I don’t understand why you are uncomfortable
with it.

Because her mum had a stroke at 21. I would be uncomfortable too.

Op, obviously you can’t dictate what she eats but you can offer healthier options when she’s at your house and I would let her know why you are uncomfortable. Tell her that you are scared of loosing her.

LakieLady · 08/08/2022 16:19

Since I had Covid, I have to have loads of salt on my food, much more than I used to.

My BP's still below normal though, despite being 67 and at least a stone overweight.

PeachesAndpearsandapples · 08/08/2022 16:22

Sorry, no advice but just wanted to post to say I’m the same as your mum! I’m completely addicted to salt. I put it on toast, cereal bars, vegetables.. I actually can’t think of anything I don’t put salt on. I have to work really hard to force myself to limit my intake or else I would eat far, far too much of it. Right now I’m eating carrot sticks with lots of salt on them 😬 I know it’s unhealthy but I just love salt!