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AIBU?

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Original poster

What's "worth" worrying about?

82 replies

entropynow · 08/08/2022 12:21

Not an argument but a difference of approach. DH always says he doesn't worry about things he can do nothing about. Yet to me those are the worrying things, otherwise I'd do something instead of worrying. Which of us is BU?

OP posts:
bloodywhitecat · 08/08/2022 19:44

I used to worry about everything and anything, DH was the opposite, he'd worry when there was something to worry about. He was always sickeningly optimistic, even when he turned yellow and was pushed from pillar to post, trying to get a diagnosis he just got on with it. He seldom had sleepless nights and he never really spoke about it. Then he got diagnosed with cancer and it was bad. He had half his insides out and still just got on with life, living every day and bouncing about like the Duracell bunny. His journey taught me a lot. It taught me that worry changes nothing, zilch, nada. The outcome was still the same. Now I try to not worry until the situation hits. Worrying just keeps me awake at night and doesn't achieve anything. I think it is possible to turn away from being a worrier. For me it's about recognising what I can influence and the things I have absolutely no control over at that time and putting them back in the box until I can do something about it.

Letussee · 08/08/2022 22:33

bloodywhitecat · 08/08/2022 19:44

I used to worry about everything and anything, DH was the opposite, he'd worry when there was something to worry about. He was always sickeningly optimistic, even when he turned yellow and was pushed from pillar to post, trying to get a diagnosis he just got on with it. He seldom had sleepless nights and he never really spoke about it. Then he got diagnosed with cancer and it was bad. He had half his insides out and still just got on with life, living every day and bouncing about like the Duracell bunny. His journey taught me a lot. It taught me that worry changes nothing, zilch, nada. The outcome was still the same. Now I try to not worry until the situation hits. Worrying just keeps me awake at night and doesn't achieve anything. I think it is possible to turn away from being a worrier. For me it's about recognising what I can influence and the things I have absolutely no control over at that time and putting them back in the box until I can do something about it.

Thank you for sharing this message. It’s huge. What a brilliant approach your husband had, and that you have too. I like that you say it’s possible to turn away from worrying. So sorry for your loss. 💐

StarDolphins · 08/08/2022 22:50

I get the whole ‘don’t worry about things out of your control’ but surely there are grey areas where you could control it if you really had to?

I have 1 worry in life & it’s my DD being driven in anyone else’s vehicle bar mine (can I change this? You could say no but actually I could, I could stop her travelling unless I was driving!

but I won’t do that, I don’t want her to be neurotic & miss out on life - so I secretly worry & she will never know I worried!

interesting thread! I generally am like your DH apart from this 1 worry. I don’t worry about what other people say/do because I can’t change that & I don’t worry about what if’s or losing my job etc!

maddening · 08/08/2022 22:56

JorisBonson · 08/08/2022 12:23

Save. Who is Dave??

Don't worry about it

MichaelAndEagle · 08/08/2022 23:27

Oblomov22 · 08/08/2022 19:11

Endlessly, well no none of those things would worry me. Why should they?

  1. What sort of personality is your ds? Is he sensible, strong? Is the boy he's in the car with a calm sensible driver? If not why would your son be in a car with him, or even friends with him? Have you talked to your son about this. What does he say?

  2. Either let dd go. Or don't. Talk to her. How does she feel. Speak to HoY. Talk to her about going and enjoining. Talk about worse case scenario. Tell her that if the worst comes to the worst she'll phone you and Your'll come immediately.

Then you've thought about it, actioned it, done all you can. You then put it bed and don't worry about it.

Say your son's easily led, or hangs out with the wrong crowd?
Still don't worry?

endlessly I'd also worry about those situations. They'd crop up in my mind intermittently but not take over completely.
I would try and do what I can to mitigate, sometimes you can't do much and you have to accept the situation. I can do that, but there would still be some worry.

Jazzapples1 · 09/08/2022 00:06

The past two years have taught me not to worry about things I can’t control. It helps to reduce anxiety.

Dinoteeth · 09/08/2022 10:16

My Granny was definitely on the view no point worrying, it's not going to change anything.

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