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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feel I'm being coerced into contraception choice I don't want

102 replies

utopian99 · 08/08/2022 11:45

Hi,
Not really sure if this belongs in AIBU, but not sure where else. Used to post on MN a while ago, around birth of DS1 and have mainly lurked since then. Am 40 v soon, and have been getting huge stress from my doctor here, the last place we lived et a. for the last few years to switch away from the combined contraceptive pill.
It works for me, I don't really want to switch, but keep being told that it increases breast cancer risk and blood clot risk. We don't have a family history of illness related to either of these, BUT I don't want to ignore what is increasingly high stress from outside to change either.

I liked the injection a while ago, pre-children, but it definitely made me gain weight, which I don't want to go through again as am a stone heavier than I'd like to be even now. Have had friends use the implant who liked it, but also heard it can cause months of spotting/bleeds, which negates the point of contraception, if half the time you can't have sex anyway?!
The medical consultants I've spoken to are pushing the coil really hard, but I know a few people who've had horrible pain/issues with this, again to the point it's affected their sex life.
This leaves the mini-pill, which I went on between our two DS (22 month gap,) but think it caused some pretty severe mood swings - although this could just have easily been exhaustion/new baby/2 under 2 etc..

Basically, nothing apart from what I'm on seems like it doesn't have significant downsides. I'm not really sure what my AIBU is, apart from that I feel like I'm being punished for wanting to just be able to go on having sex with my husband!? Like the subtext to this is if I don't want sex to make children, I should be made to give up now I'm 40 and pointless to society in reproductive terms.

(DH is aware of the pressure I've been put under for the last few years and is also saying he could get tubes tied, which he's open to but then that's a significant operation for him as well, and again neither of us know much about the possible downsides there, although it's yet another option.)

Thank you to everyone for your patience if you've got through this rant, and happy for admins to move this if better in another forum of course!

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 08/08/2022 11:50

If you are not overweight, have normal blood pressure and don't smoke then you can stay on the combined pill until age 50

If you have any of the risk factors then its best to find an alternative form of birth control

Original poster
utopian99 · 08/08/2022 11:51

Sorry - ALSO - at no point at all have they mentioned female sterilisation. Why is this? When I mentioned it in the past at the first "little chat" my doctor suddenly got very cagey about it being non reversible. But I've got two lovely children, DH and I have talked it through and are both happy with no more, have no intention to split up and frankly if something awful happened and he died, and years later I met someone else I'd not want more children either.

Has anyone done this?

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 08/08/2022 11:51

By overweight I mean have a high bmi rather than just a few lbs over your ideal weight

dementedpixie · 08/08/2022 11:52

My dh had a vasectomy and i came off my contraception. I had used the mini pill for a few years and then had the mirena coil.

Original poster
utopian99 · 08/08/2022 11:52

dementedpixie · 08/08/2022 11:50

If you are not overweight, have normal blood pressure and don't smoke then you can stay on the combined pill until age 50

If you have any of the risk factors then its best to find an alternative form of birth control

Aha! Yes, I tick all those boxes. So why the enormous pressure? They were talking about me signing something to say I legally accept the risks at my last meeting this morning (normal NHS, not private healthcare.)

OP posts:
holidayhonesty · 08/08/2022 11:54

Vasectomy isn't a major op. Most men have it done under a local anaesthetic. Having your tubes tied however is much, much more invasive. I'd get your DH to seriously consider getting it done.

PaddleBoardingMomma · 08/08/2022 11:55

I had my tubes taken out during my last section and it was the best decision I've ever made. I'm not a fan of hormonal contraception and at 2 kids knew I was done. It was a bit of a struggle to get, not massively but I had lots of questions over and over again at every appointment, was I sure etc. in fact, when my daughter was delivered via section, the surgeon handed her to me then asked was I really sure I wanted to be sterilised, he was lovely about it but I thought what a bloody time to ask lol. If it's something you're serious about, keep pushing for it. I don't know why our choices on contraception are so scrutinised but please don't give up if it turns out to be what you want x

Icanstillrecallourlastsummer · 08/08/2022 11:57

Noone is punishing you for wanting to have sex. How ridiculous. Choose the contraception you want, taking into account the risks.

And a vasectomy is not a significant operation, especially compared to getting your tubes tied.

Sunfriedegg · 08/08/2022 11:57

I’d go for the vasectomy option, my DH had one and it is nice hand over the responsibility to someone else. The vasectomy op isn’t a big deal. It was also nice to stop taking hormones for a while, although I’m back on them again for HRT.

Brented · 08/08/2022 11:58

A lot of people get on with the coil. I had one and didn’t even know it was there. My periods were lighter too. You could try and then get it removed if you don’t like it. I think vasectomy is the way to go, very minor op, and everyone I know who has had it has been very happy with it.

Savingpeoplehuntingthings · 08/08/2022 12:00

I had the same after my last child. I was 40 and overweight, doctor wouldn't give me the pill due to high risk factors.
DH got a vasectamy, wasn't a major op, had it done under local anesthetic, he had sore balls for a week and got a few days off work.

MintJulia · 08/08/2022 12:00

Vasectomy is not a major op. Usually it's under local and a few minutes. Female sterilisation is a longer op.

I'm 58, was never overweight, never smoked, normal blood pressure but I used the combined pill. Came off at 40. Diagnosed with hormone-related BC last year.

In your situation, (and with hindsight) I'd accept your dh's kind offer.

trevthecat · 08/08/2022 12:01

My dh is on the list for the snip. It is under local and will be out in an hour. I have done my bit in our relationship with regards to contraception. It was his suggestion to take over

excellentday · 08/08/2022 12:03

If you are not overweight, have normal blood pressure and don't smoke then you can stay on the combined pill until age 50

I am not overweight at all, have normal blood pressure, very fit and active and don't smoke. At the age of 35 I had a blood clot and pulmonary embolism. It was a very long recovery.
There is definitely a risk with the combined pill and you don't have to fit into that overweight/unhealthy category.

If vasectomy is an option, thats the best one. Its not a significant operation at all, its very quick and my dp was back at work 2 days later and hardly any discomfort. They check the sperm to confirm the operation has worked so theres 100% confidence of not getting pregnant.
And it is reversible if needed to be.

Womens version, having tubes tied, has a much lower success rate and the only way you actually know it hasn't worked properly is by ending up pregnant.

Comedycook · 08/08/2022 12:03

I feel like I'm being punished for wanting to just be able to go on having sex with my husband!? Like the subtext to this is if I don't want sex to make children, I should be made to give up now I'm 40 and pointless to society in reproductive terms

Oh give over...society doesn't give a shit if you have sex with your husband

mumda · 08/08/2022 12:06

Had a talk a few years ago with the nice nurse. She recommended against the new way of female sterilisation as they need to give you a valium and a tramadol. She suggested it's not something any woman should have to tolerate.
They insert metal blocks into your fallopian tubes whilst you're awake.

RenegadeMrs · 08/08/2022 12:10

Condoms?

PieonaBarm · 08/08/2022 12:16

dementedpixie · 08/08/2022 11:50

If you are not overweight, have normal blood pressure and don't smoke then you can stay on the combined pill until age 50

If you have any of the risk factors then its best to find an alternative form of birth control

This. I had it with my GP and went to family planning who prescribe it. You can buy 6 months worth for about £20 on websites like Superdrug online Dr or Lloyds. I do it at 44.

Our local Family Planning Clinic will also prescribe it, the drs and nurses there do it all the time, it's their job to be an expert in this and are quite happy to do so over 40 if you don't hit the risk factors.

caringcarer · 08/08/2022 12:18

I would be very wary of the coil. My sister had one and it moved. She got pregnant and coil came out tangled up in afterbirth. She was very embarrassed.

My dh had vasectomy under local anaesthetic and was back to work next day and wanted sex 3 days later. It is a very minor op.

Beautiful3 · 08/08/2022 12:19

I had the copper coil fitted. Had zero problems with it. Its great. I didn't want to go back onto the pill, and hated the depo injection (made me go from a size 10 to 14 within months. When I came off it, it took a whole year for my weight to return to normal.)

BodGaoithe · 08/08/2022 12:20

I just buy 3-6 months of the pill I like (Yasmin) online from Superdrug, completely bypassing all GP stuff. You have to input your blood pressure every now and again, so I bought a monitor from Amazon.
(I was finding it difficult to get GP appointments even before Covid so I have been doing this a few years.)

Rowen32 · 08/08/2022 12:22

Are your cycles regular enough that you could natural family planning plus condoms?

whynotwhatknot · 08/08/2022 12:23

why dont you try the mini pill it can be bought now at pharmacies dont even have to see your gp

or try the local sexual health clnic

Comedycook · 08/08/2022 12:24

Very odd that you've written off the coil because some women you know don't like it. There will be many women who are perfectly happy with it.