Feel I'm being coerced into contraception choice I don't want

[utopian99]

Hi,
Not really sure if this belongs in AIBU, but not sure where else. Used to post on MN a while ago, around birth of DS1 and have mainly lurked since then. Am 40 v soon, and have been getting huge stress from my doctor here, the last place we lived et a. for the last few years to switch away from the combined contraceptive pill.
It works for me, I don't really want to switch, but keep being told that it increases breast cancer risk and blood clot risk. We don't have a family history of illness related to either of these, BUT I don't want to ignore what is increasingly high stress from outside to change either.

I liked the injection a while ago, pre-children, but it definitely made me gain weight, which I don't want to go through again as am a stone heavier than I'd like to be even now. Have had friends use the implant who liked it, but also heard it can cause months of spotting/bleeds, which negates the point of contraception, if half the time you can't have sex anyway?!
The medical consultants I've spoken to are pushing the coil really hard, but I know a few people who've had horrible pain/issues with this, again to the point it's affected their sex life.
This leaves the mini-pill, which I went on between our two DS (22 month gap,) but think it caused some pretty severe mood swings - although this could just have easily been exhaustion/new baby/2 under 2 etc..

Basically, nothing apart from what I'm on seems like it doesn't have significant downsides. I'm not really sure what my AIBU is, apart from that I feel like I'm being punished for wanting to just be able to go on having sex with my husband!? Like the subtext to this is if I don't want sex to make children, I should be made to give up now I'm 40 and pointless to society in reproductive terms.

(DH is aware of the pressure I've been put under for the last few years and is also saying he could get tubes tied, which he's open to but then that's a significant operation for him as well, and again neither of us know much about the possible downsides there, although it's yet another option.)

Thank you to everyone for your patience if you've got through this rant, and happy for admins to move this if better in another forum of course!

No. Local anesthetic and out the same day

You are not being victimised by a doctor informing you of the potential side effects of the treatment that you are asking them to prescribe for you. FFS.

The doctor prescribed me birth control when I had DS. I've never taken birth control nor do I ever intend to. Although I told her I don't want it she prescribed it anyway. I didn't take it and that was the end of that.

DP and I have discussed that I'm not willing to go on birth control and when we feel we are done having children he has said he will get the snip. I've always just used condoms and been lucky enough to have never have had problems. Both my pregnancies have been planned and I will not accept birth control after I've had these babies (twins) either.

Because it always is on females and that's the main reason I won't take birth control.

We go through enough without forcing contraception on us too.

Vasectomy. Sorted.

I don't know - the doctors have never ever mentioned any version of contraception that isn't targeted at something I have to do, and irrespective of the any man's opinion, I have always HATED the way condoms feel, smell, etc..

DH has suggested vasectomy before, but I thought it would be as invasive as the coil to do to someone, if not more so, so admit we've never really looked into it properly but this thread is a good prompt. (He's off googling..)

After our 3rd DD was born my DH had a vasectomy at age 40. It was an excellent decision and we never had to think about contraception ever again!
(26 years ago now)

I’ve never taken any form of birth control and after each of my 3 children, I have felt pressure form midwives and GPs to use it.

I’ve had 3 children over 20 years, all planned with big age gaps (oldest is 20, youngest is 2), but each time they have been horrified that I am not on any and tell me I will end up with a surprise pregnancy and make out like I am being irresponsible.

It really annoys me that they think it should all be on me.

dh can wear a condom or not have sex with me. I don’t want to take anything.

Your DH should have the snip, it really isn’t a big operation at all. My DH had one last year and it took all of 10 minutes at the local Gp surgery. He was uncomfortable for a few days but nothing major and certainly nothing compared to the pain of birth! You’re middle aged and finished having children so really can’t see why he wouldn’t just do this, solves all problems.

Hormonal contraception didn't agree with me at all. Combined pill gave me sky high blood pressure, progesterone only ones made my allergies go crazy, bleed constantly, gain weight and generally feel miserable and anxious (even the mirena). I came off everything after my mirena went walkies and needed extracting. My partner noted pretty much immediately how much better I was not on anything.

We were sat watching TV one night about a month in and he asked whether i wanted to go back on anything and was visibly relieved when I said I'd rather not. He plans to get the snip when we decide our family is complete.

If you've found what works for you, stick with it. I'd also ask your husband to look back into vasectomy.

Condoms

Another vote for vasectomy. It’s an easy procedure for the man with no risks and also means you don’t need to be faffing about with hormones and such.

Yabu for wanting to stay on the pill
Yabu for saying you dont want a coil because someone you know had bad side effects
Yabu to say that a vasectomy is massive surgery

Just let him get a vasectomy and the problem is solved.

(DH is aware of the pressure I've been put under for the last few years and is also saying he could get tubes tied, which he's open to but then that's a significant operation for him as well, and again neither of us know much about the possible downsides there, although it's yet another option.)

You both need to get better informed about M or F sterilisation.

Women get their tubes tied. "Tubes" are fallopian tubes, only owned by people with a womb. Men have none.

Men have a vasectomy, which is a very minor GP out-patient event under local anaesthetic.

You cant say there are no risks of vasectomy because there are some.

www.birminghamprostateclinic.co.uk/penile-urethral/conditions/post-vasectomy-pain-syndrome-post-vasectomy-testicular-pain/

A vasectomy is nowhere near as invasive as female sterilisation OP and as your DH is in favour then I'd say for for that. Why should the contraceptive choices all be up to you. You've got around ten(ish) more years of this and it's a no-brainer IMHO.

@upanddownandupanddown

people are put off by stories from other people that it doesn’t suit, when it could be great for them

I’ve yet to meet anyone who’s had a good experience with it, particularly the copper one, you’re seriously suggesting people who have awful side effects (with no warning from drs) should just shut up about it? Ridiculous.

Over 15 years ago now but I too felt totally pressured by my GP into having a coil fitted. I wondered at the time if GPs have an incentive bonus for each coil they fit. I too knew of many people who have had serious problems with the coil ie.ectopic pregnancies.

The risks for you taking any kind of hormonal birth control are higher than the risks for your husband having an in-office procedure. You have also taken the risks for the last 20 years. It’s his turn.

I've been referred for sterilisation at my own request due to many issues with contraception. It had to go to panel but they accepted straight away. There is a long wait though. The GP didn't have a problem with referring me.

Female sterilisation at 30
Never looked back

I had a horrible experience with the coil.
went from being very lucky with painless periods to rolling on the floor with the pain and no medication able to help. Also, had a reasonable flow prior to the coil, very heavy whilst with coil.
1000% don’t recommend coil/IUD.

have heard good things from friends about IUS though

You have done your bit with contraception and birthing babies
Now it’s his turn to get the snip

that’s your answer. Nothing to it - apparently
my ex had it done and barely two days later he was showing off about how it ‘was nothing’ and that he was ‘brave’

YABU to complain about "coercion" when HCPs are just advising you, and when your husband is open to the idea of a vasectomy. Just take him up on it!

FWIW I have a hormonal coil (not Mirena) and was nervous about it but it's absolutely fine, I barely get periods any more either which is a bonus. However, it's effective for 5 years before it needs replacing, and I'm hoping DH might be persuaded to get a vasectomy between now and then.

I do sometimes worry about the coil failing (I once had a dream it had failed and I was pregnant, was very relieved when I woke up!) but apparently it's one of the most reliable forms of contraception.

@Nowisthemonthofmaying and the other pp who use the NuvaRing, can you feel it day to day? Or during sex? It looks quite big!