To not make her go to dance camp

[partypingu]

DD is 5 and refusing to go to dance / drama day camp.

I feel completely miserable, it's the only summer activity I've planned for her (apart from a trip to the seaside last week). Apart from the wasted money I am upset that's she's just hanging about doing nothing.

She doesn't want to see her friends, or go to the park, just to play at home / watch TV.

I know rationally that's she's only 5 and probably just needs to chill out at home but honestly it's been 3 weeks since school ended and there's another 3 weeks to go and should I let her just hang about at home the whole time? I'm limiting TV and we are going swimming every day but other than that she's doing absolutely nothing.

Her behaviour otherwise is excellent but I'm worried about her refusal to engage with anything / anyone.

I know I could force her to go but it feels wrong to make a 5 year old do a day long activity if they don't want to. Of course she would probably love it if she did go.

Can anyone talk some sense into me? If you are a more experienced parent can you tell me if any of this matters? I've lost perspective.

Come on OP woman up! 5 year olds would like to eat sweets all day and watch tv in their pyjamas. You are the parent, you decide (specially if it’s already paid for and she generally likes dance). She is allowed to moan but she still needs to go!

No negotiation - I’d make her go. I definitely wouldn’t say, “Just try it today” because she’ll play you like a pipe. In fact, if she is refusing to go, she already is.
if you let her win this one, forward 10 years and you have a school refuser.

Encourage her to try 1 day and if she likes it bonus and if she doesn't at least she tried x

What an over dramatic response.
DSdidnt go Tues because he didn't want to. It's an additional summer activity. Dragging him 45 minutes on the bus each way to sit there and be sad all day achieves nothing. It also doesn't team him to self regulate when he is able to. He isn't going to him 16 and decide he's quitting education because when he's tired or feeling emotionally low he doesn't do a none compulsory activity for the sake of making his mother feel he's productive.

Why does she?

Kids seem to get so little time to just be these days! If you are home anyway and she would rather be with you, what’s the issue? At 5 she will be going to school and having social interaction there. What is wrong with a long, playful summer of amusing herself and finding out what it’s like to be bored, and developing the creativity and ability to solve that for herself? There seems to be way too much pressure on very little children to be constantly involved in organised activities now.

@drawacircleroundit

Ey? My daughter loves school. Hates holiday camps though as she loves chilling at home. She tends to spend a lot of her time painting and creating things.

I still remember with horror being forced to go to a summer holiday camp around that age. Hated every minute. I’m with team let her be. All this “force her to go so she knows you are in charge” is gross. Why do some adults feel the need to constantly exert power over children?

Does she get a lot of time at home in term time with your schedule? It may be she just wants to be in her comfortable place for a while. I wouldn’t go swimming every day though, I’d mix it up with the park, woodland walks etc if possible.

“DSdidnt go Tues because he didn't want to” 😑
Just like with my response to OP, and seeing as you want to marry your own situation to it, again, I would not have let this happen.
I called the shots when mine were young, and it was absolutely the right decision. If you’re happy letting yours not do something because he doesn’t want to, that’s fine too.
Good luck with it.

Kids seem to get so little time to just be these days! If you are home anyway and she would rather be with you, what’s the issue? At 5 she will be going to school and having social interaction there. What is wrong with a long, playful summer of amusing herself and finding out what it’s like to be bored, and developing the creativity and ability to solve that for herself? There seems to be way too much pressure on very little children to be constantly involved in organised activities now.

Agree 100%. Everyone needs time to be idle, to reflect, to develop their inner life.

I wonder how the thread would go if OP said 'My DH has signed DS5 up for football camp. DS doesn't want to go but DH says he has to, no negotiation'. I bet there'd be at least one person saying 'your DH is a bully'.

@drawacircleroundit

I get where you’re coming from.

Sometimes kids need to do thing they don’t want to do. If I had work for example…. then that’s non negotiable. I work term time only though.

My daughter doesn’t like the camps so doesn’t go. She likes her time at home. I am not at all worried about her ever becoming a school refuser as that’s a non negotiable and I am able to put boundaries in….. when necessary.

She loves school, loves seeing her mates. Some kids love downtime it’s really good for them.

If it's the first day I would make her go.

How stressed can a 5yos life be that they need to spend 6 weeks watching TV to chill out?

@MarshaMelrose well it’s relative isn’t it. Your average 5 year old isn’t going to be worrying about paying bills but they still have stressors, 5 years olds have also had a lot of upheaval with the pandemic too at a point a lot of development happens. Why shouldn’t a 5 year old be allowed down time just because their stressors aren’t as big as an adults.

But why would you have forced them to go? Other than to assert yourself as the boss who can make people do whatever you want? I don't need the childcare, if he did he'd have gone. Presumably same for OP. He wasn't an integral cog in any network of cogs, so he wasn't letting the team down by say, not being able to play a game. It's meant to be his summer HOLIDAY where there's as much freedom as possible (because some People have cc to work etc) to enjoy his time. What do you get from forcing them to do something they don't want to beyond a power rush?

Has anyone said she NEEDS to be glued to a telly for 6 weeks? Or that she just doesn't need organised fun for six weeks?

Some telly time, reading time, in the garden, drawing, playing with her toys. All perfectly acceptable

She's 5. If she's missed so much from the pandemic, now's the time to get back into the swing of things. I've no argument with watching telly but having so much stress in her life that she needs to chill out for 6 weeks at 5...

having so much stress in her life that she needs to chill out for 6 weeks at 5 chilling out isn't a reward for being stressed. It's part of the normal balance of life.

She's had 3 weeks chill time, and she has another 3 weeks chill time after.
Get her to go, it's only a week, you've already paid for it (and prevented someone else from having the place). If you're happy for her to be at home all the time that's fine, but maybe remember this next year - when my DCs were young I needed those holiday club places - any that I could find! - and they were hard to find back then.

@MarshaMelrose - yeah she’s 5, so one summer spent at home is not the end of the world is it. I don’t get why being 5 means she’s not allowed to chill out at home with her Mum if that’s what she wants too. As another poster said much more eloquently, children get so little time to just be anymore. Apart from the horrible experience at a summer camp age 5 or 6, I had long summers of being at home, the park, swimming etc and loved it. I hope to recreate the same for my child, childcare permitted.

A 5yo shouldn't NEED to chill out for 6 weeks. She might like doing nothing and lazing around. But if they're so stressed they need a 6 week chill out at 5, perhaps their parents should have a look at what is making them so stressed and deal with that first.

Is definitely send her. It’ll be a good life lesson to not want to go, then to go and have fun. I always make my kids try stuff if it’s been booked. You can’t just opt out for no reason. It’d be different if she’d tried it a few times and hated it.

@SleepingStandingUp

Agreed. My daughter will now Google ideas about what to create with simple household items. She plays in the garden in the paddling pool, reads her favourite books, plays her Nintendo, talks….a lot 🤦‍♀️ and just generally has a great time 😂.

Now take my son, the above would be his idea of hell. He’s jam packed with sports activities and the like so it really is child dependent. Infact my son could do with taking a leaf out of my daughters book. He doesn’t know how to be.

It's not about what they want, though. Or what a parent allows. It's the idea that they need it. Mine were lazy and wanted to do nothing. But they didn't need to do nothing.

Maybe it's the wrong activity for her? I sent my daughter, also 5 to weekly dance/drama lessons and she became increasingly reluctant to go. I put it down to not wanting early starts on a weekend but eventually she refused to be in the end of term show and confessed she really didn't enjoy going. I found out from another parent who volunteered there that she'd been struggling and the group leaders had basically been ignoring her because they'd decided she wasn't worth bothering with.