SIL visiting my friends

[Silvercloud79]

My DH’s sister and I have never been close.
She has never been welcoming towards me over the last 13 years DH and I have been together. She often causes a lot of drama in her family also.
only once has she invited me out, and this was after I experienced a severe trauma, but really be have never bonded.
in the early days of my relationship with DH she would have tantrums that she never got to see DH and spend time with him because he was out on dates with me.

Fast forward 2022, she met some of my friends at a social function and mentioned she would be visiting a part of England over the holidays where they live. My Friend told her to get in touch when she visits. This has now come into fruition and she will be having dinner and staying at their place.

i got a lot of anxiety about this because I am always on my guard around my in laws as we are not close; where as my friends know more about my private life.

i don’t have many friends, but I can’t imagine having a close relationship with my friends if they commence a relationship with my SiL. I have never told them about my feelings towards her or about her nasty streak towards me. To the outside world she’s really pleasant but she saves the drama for DH, me and PIL.

are my feelings valid? I feel really immature, can you advice me on how to overcome these worried feelings I have about losing my friends.

YANBU, that”s annoying.

So SIL met your friends once and now they have invited her to dinner and to stay over?

Did SIL meet your friends through you?

I’d be calling my friends and telling them how awfuo SIL has been to you. They might be being nice to her because she’s your SIL and they don’t know you don’t get on!

@CherryColaRoller why would OP listen to you after your nasty post?

Op

your stance on this explains your lack of friends

dig your heels in on this issue and you will lose one of your very few friends

I'd hate that. I also suspect they think that they are doing a good thing by welcoming your family in this way. Maybe ask them not to reveal too much about you to SIL if she asks them.

You don’t own friends, your friends are perfectly entitled to invite your SIL over.

I think your reaction to this says more about the situation than anything else, there’s no need to be upset about this whatsoever.

Why's is everyone being a dick to the op? I'd make my friends aware.

YANBU

It's weird behaviour from your SIL. It sounds like jealousy or something and she's trying to push you out from your own social circle.

If there's a good opportunity, I would tell your friends that you don't get on in case they get any ideas of organising social things that include both of you

Thank you, I’ve contacted them and asked not to mention a few personal things. I know they wouldn’t, but it has calmed me somewhat.

Well, if you’ve never told them you have a difficult relationship with your SIL, how on earth are they supposed to know? They presumably met her, werr polite and friendly to her because of you and imagined they were doing you a favour by welcoming her to their part of the world.

if all you’re worried about it that they’ll inadvertently tell her things you’d rather she didn’t know, you’re going to have to use your words and explain that you’re not close and you’d rather she didn’t know details of your life. Most people would grasp that.

But your post does make me wonder if you’re generally poor at communicating — if these friends are so important to you, how come you didn’t explain the situation long ago? Or before they met her in the first place? Or before they invited her to stay?

And I’m very fond of DH’s two sisters, but I’ve never ‘invited them out’ or been invited out by them in the decades DH and I have been together — we see each other at family functions. There’s no independent relationship. If you wanted to be close to your SIL, shouldn’t you have invited her out? Though if you don’t like her, I don’t know why you’d want to?

Anyway, this can be easily sorted. Just ask your friends not to talk about you beyond generalities.

You need to re read the thread and stop being rude to everyone.

Who pissed in the two nasty posters cornflakes?

Maybe OP just has a small friendship group. Quality not quantity.

I'd let them know how SIL is. Sounds like a handful and devious.

@CherryColaRoller

You said
"She is immature and if she follows your advice to bad mouth her SIL to the friend she will end up with one less friend too."

And have now said
"If they're your friends they should be well aware of your SIL problems."

Make your mind up 🥱

I looked back through that cherry ones post and can confirm they are just an angry person. Definitely ask your friends not to divulge any information about you.

@CherryColaRoller nothing is hard to understand my side.

You clearly have trouble understanding because you've contradicted yourself.

You're just nasty today

This is what I'm thinking. I re read the op two more times thinking I missed something!!
I'd contact your friend who is hosting and ask her not to discuss anything about you or your life with SIL and tell her why.

I wouldn't like this either and would, as PPs have suggested just ask your friends to only say certain things to your SIL and that's that.

Well done for contacting them and spelling it out to them.

If they had known they might not have invited her.

I would be explicit in my request not to give any information about me and my husband.

YANBU.

Pity about the nasty posts🙄

I’m always curious about the psychology behind sisters who get stroppy when their brothers get partners. It’s a bit…odd.

Oh look. A ton of spiteful and vile posts towards and OP on an AIBU thread. Quelle surprise.

As per my other comment on another thread, I really fucking hate AIBU now. It’s populated with spiteful inadequates.