To think men don’t get asked to ‘choose between the baby or mothers life’?

[itsquietuptown]

Just read an article about a husbands experience of traumatic birth, he writes that at one point the dr ‘took him to one side’ and asked if it came to it should they prioritise saving mum or baby.

This is not the first time I have heard this claim and some people are very adamant it happened to them.

But... surely this is not a thing? How would that be ethical for a birthing partner to decide on another person’s life? A husband or boyfriend or even ex-boyfriend/fling/one-night-stand having the power over a woman’s body because she has allowed them to be in the room.

I can’t see how this would be ethically right whatsoever..

I read it too - was she not around 18 weeks at the time? so well before viability for baby.
It came across as total bollocks. It may have been him misremembering during a stressful period, him bigging up his story or simply journalistic embellishment

Yes some women choose this risk, but imo that can't be taken out of context of pressure from fathers to save his potential DC and general misogyny in society and in obstetrics especially.

I disagree about pressure from fathers, as a generalisation (in the UK, can't comment on other cultures) I think it's equally likely to go either way. My DH would rather I had gone for the option with the least risk for me. I suspect that's fairly common - apart from anything else, I have an emotional connection to my baby that he doesn't yet have in the same way - I've been feeling it move etc for the last four months; he hasn't. We've discussed this and he's accepts that it's my decision (and as I said previously, risks are low either way) but he would definitely have made the decision that slightly reduces my risk and slightly increases baby's.

Same here.

When I was pregnant with my first it was going to be a planned section and me and DH spoke hypothetically about the risks and I asked him if he would save me or the baby and he said that of course he would save me.

I told him that I wouldn’t want that and I would want the to be baby saved and not me.

He couldn’t understand it, but that’s because he hadn’t spent 5 months feeling a live baby wiggle around in his stomach. The bump wasn’t anything ‘real’ to him. I think the woman’s emotional connection to her baby during the pregnancy is very, very different to the men’s connection and will of course have an impact on situations surrounding the mother’s wishes versus the father’s wishes.

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As many have said this is nonsense. The mother is always priority in U.K. I had a crash section - both my and baby’s life were very high at risk. I signed something on the way in, then I was out on general anaesthetic and DH never got asked. The doctors and nurses just cracked on and saved our lives.

Anyway the husband (or wife) is presumably next of kin - so even if they were asked it would be the right person to ask. They ask you multiple times in the run up to birth who your next of kin is. I.E. who they will consult if things go wrong.

Never heard of a birthing partner being asked this.