Buying your child condoms

[rahjama]

Had a conversation with a friend, who mentioned that her son recently brought home his first girlfriend (both 15). She said that one of the first things she did was buy him some condoms.

I just think this is a bit...encouraging? I understand that she wants them to practice safe sex. And I also understand that if they want to do it then they will. But is there any need to literally hand them the tools to do so?

I will add that I had sex at 15. And by the time my friends and I turned 16 (legal age) most of us had already had sex. I bought my own condoms every time (or my boyfriend did). Sometimes the embarrassment of having to buy condoms is was enough to make me not want to do it that time. But if I had a parent who handed me condoms then I would have used them and still done it?

Maybe I'm just overprotective and worried about the risk of pregnancy/STIs/slut shaming.

I never gave my kids condoms but we did have conversations about all of the above. My DD told me when she had sex but none of my DS did. Maybe it's different with boys and girls?

I bought my 15 year old DD a bumper pack of assorted durex soon after her 15th Birthday. She doesn’t have a boyfriend and isn’t showing any signs of interest in one ‘boys in books are better’ 💖but I still wanted her to have access. She also knows they’re on the Amazon subscription service we use so she can add them there without questions or judgements at any time. I’ve also told her to make sure she carries at least two in her school bag and purse. Just in case she or a friend needs one. Id really rather she has access than doesn’t. I’m very sex positive and both my kids know they can ask me anything, they’ll get the truth, even if it’s embarrassing!

If there were other knick knacks in the sitting room it wouldn't be obvious at first glance what the jar was full with.

OP, what on earth do you mean by slut-shaming. It feels as if you have a far from healthy attitude to teenagers/sex/ health protection.

That word should be in quotes!

I'm surprised by some of these responses, on MN doing your twenty something dc's cooking and washing is seen as infantilizing them but buying condoms for a nearly 30 year old isn't? I think if you're too embarrassed to buy them you're definitely not ready to be having sex.

I’m with you op.
I found as a teenage girl there was incredibly pressure from boys to have sex and it seems even worse now.
It’s hard to find the words to say you are not ready and easier to say no because of lack of contraception.
If your parents were doling out condoms like sweeties it would seem like they were encouraging you too.
Despite what you read on MN not all teenage girls are desperate for sex but it’s getting harder to avoid.

@Oblomov22 Ideally they shouldn’t be having sex until they’re mature enough & financially secure enough to deal with an unplanned pregnancy...but how likely is that?! 🤣🤔
We’ve all been teenagers!!

It sounds very positive to me.

I started having sex around my 15th birthday, not sure if l was 14 or 15 at the time. My hormones were bubbling and it did not scar me for life, nor was l a wild child. I’m in my 40s now before anyone shoots me down in flames.

Elder sister was my go to for advice and made sure l had condoms to hand in case the boy didn’t.

The leading question here is would the mother have done the same with a 15 year old daughter?

No I think it’s wise. I also think that it’s highly unlikely most teen boys will tell their parents when they’ve had sex in a way some girls (with good parental relationships) might tell their mothers. They’re just mentally different, teen boys, even younger tend to get more secretive about important things and not want to share emotional stuff as much.

I buy them and leave them in the bathroom. Started doing this when my eldest was 14. She was sexually active and I was worried about her protecting herself. I even tell them that it's ok for them to give one to a friend if they think they're in dire need.

I think it's better than them giving her a grandchild, which happened to my friend her child was 16 and now her and his mum end up with the baby most of the time which isn't what she planned for her life. X

It is true not all teenagers are desperate for sex.

But to your other point about 'encouraging'.

I was a teenager in Ireland in the 80s when condoms were illegal.

It didn't stop anyone having sex (that idea is ridiculous) but had devastating consequences for many young women.

I’ve bought them for my DS, and got them from the GP when you could.

I think it's a catch 22 situation. When it boils down to pregnacy imparticular and STI...

I bought condoms for my lot from when they were 15. I also had lots of conversations about consent and being ready. Sex was discussed on an ad hoc basis rather than a big talk. It's meant that they're open with me and I've helped them order their thoughts about relationships and pressure about sex.

If they're determined to have sex, they will, whether you supply condoms or not.

I am so much happier for kids that age to have condoms, and for parents of boys to be being taught to be responsible for contraception than for girls to be put on a tonne of hormones at a time when their bodies are still growing and changing. As an adult the pill still makes me go loopy, the morning after pill can throw your cycles out and effect your emotions for quite a while (and doesn't work if you've already ovulated).

You either teach your kids to have sex responsibly and give them the tools to do that (talking about consent, providing contraception, keeping open lines of communication if they find need to talk to you about something that's happened, etc.) or you leave them vulnerable to making irresponsible ones

i lost my virginity at 13 (to a gruggly guy who is now my dh) my mother gave me condoms at 9 just in case (not a catholic family haha😂) xx

9 years old?? jeez, if that is true, it is actually disturbing

I wish my parents had been this open.
Sex wasn’t ever talked about. All my sex education came from school and the rest I figured out myself. Luckily, I had the sense to take myself to a sexual health clinic and get myself on the pill when I was 15.
I think having an open dialogue about safe sex, including consent and relationships is part of our job as parents no matter how uncomfortable it makes us. I’d much rather have that conversation, provide the contraception and know they are having safe sex in a safe place - because let’s be honest, they are going to do it anyway!

DS has travelled to see his girlfriend, I said do you want me to stick some condoms in the Tesco shop, I was met with Mooottttther....he said they are expensive, I replied so are babies.😂

We compromised and I sent him the money to buy them, but I will never not have that conversation.

Washing hands before and after sex?

We bought ds condoms. Not encouraging him, rather being practical and wanting to prevent an unwanted pregnancy ruining his girlfriend’s, and his, teenage years.

My gp had a basket of condoms in the waiting room, when I took my DD's for vaccinations (at 15&17) the practice nurse handed them a bag each and told them that they needed to be responsible, never trust men! If you don't have a dr with a supply putting a packet in the medicine cabinet or bathroom drawer is a great idea

Not a Catholic, atheist and liberal, but that's just wrong. 9.. OMG!