Buying your child condoms

[rahjama]

Had a conversation with a friend, who mentioned that her son recently brought home his first girlfriend (both 15). She said that one of the first things she did was buy him some condoms.

I just think this is a bit...encouraging? I understand that she wants them to practice safe sex. And I also understand that if they want to do it then they will. But is there any need to literally hand them the tools to do so?

I will add that I had sex at 15. And by the time my friends and I turned 16 (legal age) most of us had already had sex. I bought my own condoms every time (or my boyfriend did). Sometimes the embarrassment of having to buy condoms is was enough to make me not want to do it that time. But if I had a parent who handed me condoms then I would have used them and still done it?

Maybe I'm just overprotective and worried about the risk of pregnancy/STIs/slut shaming.

I never gave my kids condoms but we did have conversations about all of the above. My DD told me when she had sex but none of my DS did. Maybe it's different with boys and girls?

You had sex at 15 and you are questioning your friend providing condoms to her 15 year old? Where is the logic in this?

When my son was 15, we were in a supermarket and he just asked me to get him son. So I did, there and then.. but I have to admit I bought him extra safe (ie thicker hahah) and he said to me ‘oh I wanted flavoured ones!’ 🤣🤣

I had absolutely zero concern about the whole thing, the only thing I insisted on (and still do talk about) is about respecting a girl etc,

I bought DS condoms when the 1st gf relationship was very serious. I didn't want him to be in a situation where they wanted to but didn't have anything. There was no expectation that they would, just that they were expected to be careful.

I just can't see a situation where a 15 year old goes 'I wasn't going to have sex, but I have these condoms now and it would be rude not to use them, so shag time.'

I definitely don’t think it’s “handing them the tools to do so”....they have those already!! It’s handing them the tools to do so safely and IMO is a really responsible thing for a parent to do!

I’m 32 with a child and my parents have never spoken to me about sex 😳 I’d never have gone to them for anything at all. I think it’s really great that your friend has that kind of relationship with her child!

Well she’s worried about them having sec without them, which is reasonable.

It’s Mumsnet, a lot of Mums on here seem thrilled their CHILDREN are having sex. You hear it all the time on here ‘they're all doing it’, ‘all my friends were having sex at 15’ etc etc.

No you don't facilitate your child to have underage sex. The age is 16 for a reason.

Meanwhile back in the real world………

My sister , nurse, bought her son condoms before he headed off to college. Husband was horrified, she put him straight, said she didnt want him having unprotected sox. Students usually dont have alot of money and if given a choice between beer/food and spending money on condoms they'll probably not spend it on the condoms.

My parents put a box in the bathroom drawer- so they weren't for anybody but we all knew they were there to be used if we wanted them.
Mine are probably too young right now to need to use them but I still have a box of them in the bathroom incase they become ready before I realise, rather have them there too early then too late.
I never found the availability of condoms to be encouraging- but I would be happy if my son knew what they were and knew how they worked before he uses one for sex.

I had the conversation with 16 YO ds when he got his first gf and offered to buy him some if he wanted me to (ok at 16 its legal but I would have done the same at 15).
Rather he has them available as and when he is ready, its just common sense to me

YABU.

It’s the smart thing to do.

When we were 14 at school we were told where to get free condoms and other birth control from.

Some people had easy access to condoms from their parents, and handed some to others who were sexually active from 14+.

Some girls are put on the pill from 14+ for other reasons.

Just because you have access to condoms or are taking contraceptives doesn't mean you will have sex.

My mom did one better, she frog marched me to the sexual health clinic to get on the pill.

Awfully embarrassing at the time, but probably the best decision she ever made as we had some experiences with broken condoms as we couldn't afford decent ones 😂

Your friend may want to know alot of sexual health clinics and GPS offer them for free if you sign up!

I have some in a drawer of first aid / painkillers etc. where the older kids are reasonably likely to see. Should they need one I want them to be as easy as possible to get.

I bought ds(18) his first pack when he was 16, then showed him the free condom app (might be a Scottish thing) and told him if he was old enough to have sex he was old enough to go to the chemist and use the app to get them or arrange deliveries (also free) when he needed them.

Still making arrangements for them when they are adults is a bit icky to me. I dont want to know how many he is going through or types/sizes he is using! I know he is using the chemist as occasionally I see him coming out of the car with the very obvious lilac bag they put them in and he disappears straight up to his room to put them away. 🤣

Ideally they shouldn't be having sex until it's legal at aged 16.

My son was 16 and going on holiday with his best mate. I just put a pack on the bed with his toothpaste and shower gel. He hadn’t been sexually active at the time but I thought lads away if he has them hopefully he’ll practice safe sex. When he and his mate were unpacking ( well obviously I don’t mean unpacking in the normal sense, I mean diving into the case to get a t shirt out to wear), he showed his mate who said, “wow you’re mums cool mine would never do that “ only for his mate to also find a pack in his suitcase amongst his toiletries.

i think that sounds a great idea. We had a sexual health clinic we could go to for the pill and condoms, and they gave them out for free. I was embarrassed to go, but also felt like a right of passage. My parents never gave me the talk, or offered me contraception, and as a result I wouldn’t dream of speaking to them about relationships or sex. I think by providing free contraception, you’re not only offering them free and safe options, but also indirectly saying, ‘I know what you’re going through and I’m here to listen/help’. I will definitely do this with my child and hopefully that will make it easier for them to speak to me if they want to.

Ideally they shouldn't be having sex until it's legal at aged 16.

This world is far from ideal..

OP, I really cannot understand your way of thinking! A responsible parent would try and minimise the risks from their son/daughter having sex, not sweep it under the carpet and pretend it's not happening. Better to be safe than sorry, surely?

Good. Condoms and sex education go together.

Pregnancy and HIV are real.

Better than sticking your head in the sand with teenage kids in the home...

Both needed with a mature talk.