Son’s friend smelling

[Stressedmama33]

My son has started playing with a boy from school, he’s a lovely boy but he is very dirty. He is out the house playing football, getting sweaty, grubby, dirty etc every day but definitely washes/bathes weekly at most I’d say. He often smells of poo and I’ve noticed urine now too. He wears the same outfit for a week, which clearly does not help. He’s 8. He’s not from an abusive family, but a different culture to ours. His family seems nice, but there’s a language barrier with the mum. My son has been in his house and says it smells absolutely fine, it’s just his friend that is smelling. My little boy and him have been spending every day of the holidays together and he’s desperate to have him come in and play and wants him to sleep over. I struggle with cleanliness as it is, I have ocd so love things to be clean. Any advice on how I handle this?

Could you anonymously report for neglect?

As lovely as the family are, it is still a form of neglect, even if not intended by the parents. I agree with the poster above, report to the school or social services. It might be that they need some sort of support.

But he IS from an abusive family if he’s allowed to get so dirty and unclean. It doesn’t matter what the culture is - it’s not right that a child is allowed to get into such a state.

id report it.

Presumably you are neighbours?

but a different culture to ours.

in what culture is it acceptable for children to smell of poo and urine?

If he smells then thats neglect surely

Can you agree to a sleep over at yours but ask him to bring clean clothes and clean pjs and get the boys to have a bubble bath each after coming in from playing?
Before eating and playing inside?

Let him come for a sleepover and then he can have a bath before bed.i remember my dd and her friends all in the bath together one sleepover having a whale of a time.

My experience of my children going to and having sleepovers is that no one wants to shower or bathe in another's house. If he is truly wearing the same clothes for a week and constantly smelling then I'm sorry but I would be raising it with Social Services.

You need to tell the mum or the school.

That’s neglect.

As others have said, they are neglecting him if they’re allowing him to be dirty and smelly. In some ways the fact that their house is clean and smells nice makes it worse.

If you’re uncomfortable directly reporting it then you can report it to the school safeguarding lead, you should be able to find it on their website but if not you can email/ring the school receptionist and ask. If he smells this bad during term time (do you know if this has just started in the holidays?) then hopefully they are dealing with it already, but it doesn’t hurt to check.

Report this to social services and the school. He’s being neglected

Take the boys swimming as a short term option but you either need to talk to the boy, the parents or take it further.

Something is not right here OP, as you know. Agree you need to report this to school and social services. You have no idea what is going on in this boy's home and it needs investigating. You do realise that many parents on SS radar sincerely love their children and are not abusive in terms of violence? They are simply woefully inadequate in their parenting and for whatever reason fail to provide basic necessities for their children. The school of course are likely to be aware already if he is clearly grubby on a regular basis but do report as it helps build up a picture. If I were you I absolutely would invite this boy over for a sleepover if you genuinely like him. It may help you get a picture of the norms in his life and help you decide what you consider appropriate action.

Report.
You can also get paddling pool out, loan shorts and wash his things.

could there be some other issues like mental health at play does the mum smell too? could be something else and not neglect straight up the bat

Making sure your child is practicing good hygiene is basic parenting, it is a form of neglect. Neglect isn't defined by just lack of food or water for example. Report it and let the professionals deal with it.

Neglect is abuse. Report to SS and the school...

Has he remarked about smelling something. Or did you mean he stinks?

Can I just say regarding the different culture to us I just mean maybe they feel it’s ok to bathe just once a week. Thank you for your comments, you’ve all basically said what a friend I confided in said. He is being neglected in that he is just left out to play all day, mum doesn’t actually know where he is. Obviously if he comes somewhere with us I go round and ask if he’s allowed, explain I’ll return him home at x time. I just feel so bad for him. I shall heed all your advice.

Bathing once a week? Perhaps

Your child smelling of poo and urine? No, there is no culture that I am aware of where this is regarded as “part of the culture”

If my child at that age hadn’t had a bath for a week, they would not be smelling of poo and urine.

it is neglect op. And very odd you didn’t include the further details in your follow post on your OP. As now you are saying the parents are neglectful

That’s neglect report poor child!

I think you need to report the parents.
I would however allow the sleep over . You could maybe buy them matching PJ s , make out it's "just for fun " . make them both bath quite early . PJ s on early for a film and popcorn. Then oops you gathered up your sons washing and his at the same time . At least the next day he will be clean .

He attends the same school as your son?

smelling of faeces and urine would surely have been picked up by the school.

how long has the child been at the school!