Son’s friend smelling

[Stressedmama33]

My son has started playing with a boy from school, he’s a lovely boy but he is very dirty. He is out the house playing football, getting sweaty, grubby, dirty etc every day but definitely washes/bathes weekly at most I’d say. He often smells of poo and I’ve noticed urine now too. He wears the same outfit for a week, which clearly does not help. He’s 8. He’s not from an abusive family, but a different culture to ours. His family seems nice, but there’s a language barrier with the mum. My son has been in his house and says it smells absolutely fine, it’s just his friend that is smelling. My little boy and him have been spending every day of the holidays together and he’s desperate to have him come in and play and wants him to sleep over. I struggle with cleanliness as it is, I have ocd so love things to be clean. Any advice on how I handle this?

Really? You would stick a visiting child in a paddling pool and wash their clothes?

Sorry, that's way out of line.

Yes his DM doesn't care where he is or what he is up to or if he smells.
Definitely child neglect.
Report to the school or SS.
Poor child. x

I don't know how you know so certainly about his ba t hing habits. Stinking of faecesand urine sounds like he could have incontinence issurs .How do you know thus us not the problem?
If he smells so bad and is so dirty, I am sure te school have noticed and will have acted

If he is out and about all day and the parents don’t know where he is also very vulnerable to being groomed or gangs as he gets older. People will notice and target him. Report

My DS only bathes once a week however he doesn't sweat much and most certainly doesn't smell of wee/poo
I think it is two separate issues to be honest, he could shower every day and still smell if he has trouble controlling himself.

lots of my sons friends smell terrible but i have but this down to their age and being shower shy ( heading towards teenage years ). I have told them sensitively as i can that they smell, and that they should shower more!
This boy is obviously younger, and you say he smells of urine etc. this is a bit different, and either suggests he has difficulties with incontinence or there is some neglect / poor parenting going on.

Just to add, my DS only baths once a week as anymore and he gets terrible excma, the doctor said it was because we bathed him every night and we'd stripping away 'natural oils' or something, the doctor said we should only do it once a week ... we wash his bits with a cloth if he needs it

Forrin.

Maybe the child has some issues with incontinence. Is it possible the mum doesn't have a reliable sense of smell? This is such a hard one. I wonder if the school has called social services. If you are really concerned then calling SS is your only option. Be kind though, OP, the family could have all manner of stuff going on. I would be worried too.

Really? You would stick a visiting child in a paddling pool and wash their clothes?

It's completely normal to have a paddling pool out on a warm summers day! The kids next door have a 6th sense for when I'm filling mine and appear out of nowhere! My DC best friend always goes in ours too, if she has come over without swimmers she just borrows some. Ive also chucked her clothes in a 20 min fast wash before when she was here all day and got paint down her teeshirt. Stutf dries on the line in an hour in summer and she just sticks on one of DS teeshirts while it dried. Not weird at all! Her mum has done similar for my DS.

Definitely SS, they wont take him away but they will try to explain to the parents why bathing is important and hygiene is necessary. He is only 8 so its not his responsibility but theirs to get him into the shower etc and ensure clean clothes are being worn.

What a load of crap. Who cares if there’s a tiny possibility she has a poor sense of smell. I have no sense of smell therefore I ensure I’m scrupulous with my child’s (and my own) cleanliness.

Report this to school and social services immediately. The poor child is being neglected.

It's not, it's a good solution which allows the child to have fun while you see to his clothes without a big hoo ha. Pretty sensible and I've done similar.

I'm surprised the school isn't involved alread tbh.

Ffs don't say you have OCD when you like things clean!!! Such an insult to people actually suffering from ocd op!

Re your question:I wouldnt invite this kid over again as even reading your post made me gag

This post made me chuckle!

Defending staunchly those with OCD

in the next sentence basically saying you’d block what seems to be a very neglected young child from entering your home because he’s smelly!

I have told them sensitively as i can that they smell, and that they should shower more

You tell your son's friends that they smell and need to wash more?? Overstepping the line!

And as for those suggesting the boys bathing at a sleepover, would you seriously be happy if your child came back from sleeping at a friend's for the first time and said the parent had run you a bath?

An 8 year old no less!

OP, don't do as some suggest and wash the child or his clothes/put him in a paddling pool to clean him up. That's completely overstepping the mark.

You want SS to see him as is...not cleaned up.

I would not be happy if someone bathed my child on a sleepover

Report to ss not to punish parents as it sometimes can be viewed but to make sure he gets the support he obviously needs.

You’d be annoyed if your child washed on a sleepover? That’s kind of weird too.

I must of been doing sleepovers wrong. I always expect the visiting child to wash / clean teeth before bed .
And yes if dirty shower / bath themselves. No one means bath as it watch or make physical contact with the child.

I agree with this - and the Mum / rest of family may need support with MH. They are all really vulnerable - good to nip this in the bud by stepping in early. See it as an act of safeguarding and kindness not betrayal.

The kids i was referring to are older ( 12 / 13 ), I don't think it's over stepping the mark to tell kids i know well that they have strong body body odour, better this than nobody says anything and they get bullied at school for it.
And for what it's worth i work as a mental health nurse for children's social services, please don't think that a social worker is rushing out to assess because someone reports a child smells, unfortunately that is highly unlikely.

Last year you posted “I run a nursing home”.

thats is quite a leap in Profession!