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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Son’s friend smelling

68 replies

Stressedmama33 · 06/08/2022 17:43

My son has started playing with a boy from school, he’s a lovely boy but he is very dirty. He is out the house playing football, getting sweaty, grubby, dirty etc every day but definitely washes/bathes weekly at most I’d say. He often smells of poo and I’ve noticed urine now too. He wears the same outfit for a week, which clearly does not help. He’s 8. He’s not from an abusive family, but a different culture to ours. His family seems nice, but there’s a language barrier with the mum. My son has been in his house and says it smells absolutely fine, it’s just his friend that is smelling. My little boy and him have been spending every day of the holidays together and he’s desperate to have him come in and play and wants him to sleep over. I struggle with cleanliness as it is, I have ocd so love things to be clean. Any advice on how I handle this?

OP posts:
HellaFitzgerald · 07/08/2022 12:30

Endlesslypatient82 · 07/08/2022 11:06

Last year you posted “I run a nursing home”.

thats is quite a leap in Profession!

Can people not train for another career whilst working, or am I missing something?

Endlesslypatient82 · 07/08/2022 12:33

HellaFitzgerald · 07/08/2022 12:30

Can people not train for another career whilst working, or am I missing something?

Yes on mumsnet you can “run a nursing home” one user and then be a children’s mental health social worker the next year.

sort of thing that happens all the time in RL

HellaFitzgerald · 07/08/2022 12:35

Endlesslypatient82 · 07/08/2022 12:33

Yes on mumsnet you can “run a nursing home” one user and then be a children’s mental health social worker the next year.

sort of thing that happens all the time in RL

Sorry, you'll have to explain it to me, I'm not understanding. Do you think it's not possible to run a nursing home whilst training to be a children's mental health worker?

Endlesslypatient82 · 07/08/2022 12:37

Possible? Absolutely.

Likely that the PP made her point and did what is very common on anonymous chat forums… adjust your background / job to fit your view.

alnawire · 07/08/2022 12:40

I have ocd so love things to be clean.

Eh?

milkysmum · 07/08/2022 12:54

I'm a registered mental health nurse. Last year i was certainly a registered manager of mental health nursing home for adults with complex mental health needs. the home changed service provision and i chose not to stay on.
i then applied for a Mental health practitioner role within children's social care ( I work with the parents open to the team and help support the social workers on mental health issues effecting the parents so they can better support the children). I haven't re trained, it's just a different job.

HellaFitzgerald · 07/08/2022 12:57

Well, there's your answer EP82 ^^
Has that poster justified themselves enough for your liking now?

Endlesslypatient82 · 07/08/2022 13:03

HellaFitzgerald · 07/08/2022 12:57

Well, there's your answer EP82 ^^
Has that poster justified themselves enough for your liking now?

Perfectly.

Endlesslypatient82 · 07/08/2022 13:05

HellaFitzgerald · 07/08/2022 12:57

Well, there's your answer EP82 ^^
Has that poster justified themselves enough for your liking now?

I don't think it's over stepping the mark to tell kids i know well that they have strong body body odour

although doesn’t sound like a mental health worker I’d be recommending anyone refer to

whynotwhatknot · 07/08/2022 13:35

smelling of sweat is different to urine and poo definitely contact ss

as for bathing on a sleepover i never did as a kid we all just got changed and i the morning had a quick wash if that

goldfinchonthelawn · 07/08/2022 13:39

AlwaysLatte · 06/08/2022 18:23

My experience of my children going to and having sleepovers is that no one wants to shower or bathe in another's house. If he is truly wearing the same clothes for a week and constantly smelling then I'm sorry but I would be raising it with Social Services.

My experience is the opposite. I just filled up a bath with lots of bubbles and warm water and they'd all jump in together.

I'd invite him for a sleep over, create some grubby garden game then tell them it's bathtime. Use baby bath or a gentle soap in case he has a sensitivity, then chuck his clothes in the wash, using sensitive skin laundry detergent just in case, and tumble dry them before he wakes up next day. Lay out some clean PJs for him too.

Endlesslypatient82 · 07/08/2022 13:56

goldfinchonthelawn · 07/08/2022 13:39

My experience is the opposite. I just filled up a bath with lots of bubbles and warm water and they'd all jump in together.

I'd invite him for a sleep over, create some grubby garden game then tell them it's bathtime. Use baby bath or a gentle soap in case he has a sensitivity, then chuck his clothes in the wash, using sensitive skin laundry detergent just in case, and tumble dry them before he wakes up next day. Lay out some clean PJs for him too.

But what did that actually achieve in the long term? You couldn’t keep on bathing and presumably very infrequently anyway

Stressedmama33 · 07/08/2022 19:56

I am definitely not washing his clothes/letting him sleep over and getting him in the bath! I’d be absolutely raging if my son was put in the bath at a friends house. Completely crosses the line imo. I will definitely speak to school, who are hopefully already aware of it. And I actually have diagnosed OCD, I just try not to make a big deal of it. I’ve wondered myself if he has incontinence issues. How has his mum not noticed his pooey underwear when washing his clothes.

OP posts:
AlmostAJillSandwich · 07/08/2022 20:23

If he's out all day everyday, maybe he's going outdoors and therefore not wiping/washing his hands etc, hence the bodily waste smell? Or he's just too eager to get back playing for his own good so not wiping properly/shaking the last few drops so its soaking into his clothing. Known plenty of kids like that in my time.

hangrylady · 07/08/2022 20:31

Cultural my arse. Its neglect, please don't ignore this.

50daysplus · 07/08/2022 21:30

Endlesslypatient82 · 06/08/2022 18:12

but a different culture to ours.

in what culture is it acceptable for children to smell of poo and urine?

Exactly. There's a language barrier but OP has let her child whom is 8 go this person's house. How did you arrange this since there's such a language barrier?!

Lauren11x · 07/08/2022 21:57

Stressedmama33 · 06/08/2022 17:43

My son has started playing with a boy from school, he’s a lovely boy but he is very dirty. He is out the house playing football, getting sweaty, grubby, dirty etc every day but definitely washes/bathes weekly at most I’d say. He often smells of poo and I’ve noticed urine now too. He wears the same outfit for a week, which clearly does not help. He’s 8. He’s not from an abusive family, but a different culture to ours. His family seems nice, but there’s a language barrier with the mum. My son has been in his house and says it smells absolutely fine, it’s just his friend that is smelling. My little boy and him have been spending every day of the holidays together and he’s desperate to have him come in and play and wants him to sleep over. I struggle with cleanliness as it is, I have ocd so love things to be clean. Any advice on how I handle this?

I would possibly report it to the school as it is still a form of abuse/neglect.

I had a best friend when I was young (still friends now) and her mum and dad were drug addicts so she didn't get treated very well. She was under social services but it wasn't really helping. My mum noticed one day my friend had ALOT of lice in her hair, didn't want me catching them and obviously felt really sorry for my friend.

My mum would invite her to stay over every Friday or Saturday night. She would give her a bath, fresh pyjamas, dinner, supper and she would always get the nit comb out and make her hair lovely and clean. She would do mine too so my friend didn't feel like she was being targeted.

My friends Nan got custody of her and she would still let her visit us every weekend and my mum kept up with looking after her. She always says now how much she appreciates my mum for doing this. :)

Murdoch1949 · 07/08/2022 22:14

I see nothing wrong with your son & his friend having a fun bubble bath, then clean jammies before bed. You'd see the extent of the grime, if there is grime, via the bathwater. However, it is a neglect issue, you must speak to the school and social services.

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