To be upset I was called a tramp and a beg

[Jameelah]

I left a very abusive marriage a few months ago went through the council who offered me emergency accommodation which I accepted and was eventually offered permanent housing and some basic furniture etc for which I’m so grateful for,I have a little problem Though I have 5 children and tbh they haven’t got much as everything got left behind so I made a post on Facebook which I have now deleted asking if anyone can donate clothes or toys or bedding etc and sent a few photos so people could see I was genuine I received so much abuse calling me a scrounger a bad mom at tramp and beg etc I was so upset I’m a good mom I always put my kids first but I’m just going through hard times at the moment I’m quite a sensitive person and this has really upset me and I feel like shit tbh 😥aibu to be so upset I will post the picture of my sons room on face book Please no nasty comments 🙏

We had a number of scammers on our local buy nothing Facebook group (including one that ended up with police involvement and another who was caught flogging everything at the local car boot) so I think people do mistrust these posts unfortunately.

We have a number of local charities/CICs that give out supplies or can source supplies for families. Probably worth doing a search and reaching out to one of them.

Definitely on here.

I'd contact your local salvation army OP. They should be able to help. I've scored curtains and bedding in charity shops as well.

Many councils have depositories which are only open to tenants who are in receipt of housing benefits etc...
You can get white goods, furniture and lots of other things to kit your home with.
Don't think they do clothes and toys though.

I don’t think it’s wise to put an actual picture of your son and would take that down, would you put a picture of yourself in bed? Maybe that’s what people were reacting to as much as anything else.

in my area there are specific organisations and a couple of individuals who help people in the same situation. It might be better trying to find some names and going through them.

Go on free cycle and gumtree for things people are giving away. Don't mention your personal circumstances and don't post pictures to protect your mental health and privacy.

Unfortunately, I had to take a toddler bed to the dump because no charity shop would take it. It was a perfectly good bed, I put it on fb and still nobody took it.

@Viviennemary you are right I won’t be doing it again

Jesus-ive just given some bits to a work colleague who is only young,had been thrown out of home for daring to have a boyfriend and has just been given her first flat and had nothing
i didn’t do it for the ‘points’ or the ‘like a’ or ‘your such a good person’
i did it because I could spare it and she needed it
in fact the only people who know is her,her fella,my fella and I
your not a beg-you asked for help-and if I could,I’d give you whatever is spare in my house
please don’t give up hope-you are an amazing mum-you got out and kept your children safe
ask for help from charities,charity shops and anyone in real life who can help
youve got this

Sometimes the council can support with basic furniture. You can source from freecycle without having to share you personal situation (to avoid the nastiness) also search for charities for victims of domestic abuse. Some local churches/children centres may be able to offer support. All the best I’ve been there and it took a while but we now have everything we need, all the best x

@gamerchick do I just walk into the Salvation Army or do I need a referral what kind of help do they offer please

If you have a local baby bank then they areoften able to source things for older children too. Do you have a family support worker? Or any other professionals involved? They will often able to refer you local charities who can help or apply for grants on your behalf.

@Ziggyisthebestdogintheworld you have just made me cry with your kind words may you stay blessed always

Same back-if you happen to be in the midlands-pm me
ill gather up what I can
stay strong-you have this and one day you’ll look back and pat yourself on the back that you,and only you,did this
sending love

Sorry this happened to you. Where I live people usually respond positively to stuff like this but we do have a local organisation who will post on behalf of the person needing help. That is perhaps the better route so people can see it's genuine.

What I would do is seek out organisations like that, perhaps via a church or food bank. There will be help, it's just finding it. I'm so glad you have managed to get yourself and your kids housed and hope that you can find some help to make it a home

People judge others by their own (often poor) standards. You are brave for escaping domestic violence and brave for doing your best for your children. Many others have suggested useful charities. Everyone needs help at some point so please don't take these horrid comments to heart. Good luck to you.

Have you looked at Little Village charity? They are great.

When I was in your situation I was able to access some items through a community care grant from the council that rehoused me. My women’s aid worker helped me apply. If you haven’t already I’d definitely reach out to them, as there is lots of support they can offer you and your children. Also search for a baby bank / clothing bank in your local area, as they often have bedding as well (again a support worker can help with this). Otherwise, keep an eye on gumtree and similar for people who are offering items.

Thank you So much and I live in Birmingham x

@jim the shit I will check now thanks

Well done for getting out of an abusive relationship and getting permanent safety. That is a great achievement.

I would never say anything nasty to you, I know first hand how hard it is to get out of an abusive relationship. But a lot of people don't know that, and they might just see a woman who got permanent safe housing. You deserve it and your children deserve it. But my advice to you would be to focus on privately feeling relieved and proud that you have that for your kids.

Think very carefully about the things you need / want.

I'm not like Oprah telling octomom to go and pray here! I hope you can tell that. I divided things in to two lists. What do I need (safety, security, groceries, to pay the bills) what do I want. Try to ''let go'' on the want list. Toys, well, they're nice but kids can play with boxes, crayons, clay..

By appealing for toys on facebook so publicly some people (not all) may feel that you are ''lucky'' to have your council housing for all six of you and now here you are looking for toys. They don't understand that you still have to pay for the housing. They may see you as entitled. Which is not where you're coming from but other people may see it that way.

I would look in charity shops and get bargains that way. Don't let everybody know what you have, don't have, would like to have, are ASKING other people to donate. Keep it private.

Good luck in your safe secure home. You have given your children something more valuable than toys.

Once upon a time, the notion that all children had a pile of toys was not there. An empty box, a box of chalk, a yoyo, you can keep it old fashioned.

Where are you op? I have some tidy bedding and kids curtains and stuff that are in lovely condition but haven’t got around to getting rid of.

Do you have any local bartering or Freecycle groups? Ours are usually very generous if anyone is in need of help in difficult circumstances. Sorry you've had this abuse

@Alarchbach thats a lovely offer I’m in Birmingham

@Danoo thankyou very much

Well Helen from MNHQ posted this on OP's previous thread:

Evening all,
Aren't you lovely with all your good advice? We're just posting our usual bit here, as per a couple of reports.
We do advise all our members to be aware that not everyone on t'internet is who they say they are, and that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Probably a good idea to remember this advice.