Hen do sick

[Citylife]

AIBU to be sick of hen dos? Why do we have to go away for hundreds of £s? So bored of it. Struggle to get enough money to take my kids away and I’m having to go to a hen do next week in Ibiza as I’m bridesmaid.

That's shit, she must be aware of your financial position. Can you fake covid or is it already paid for?

In future you say 'that doesn't work for me, have a great time'.

Thanks @BigSandyBalls2015
all paid for but at this point I’m thinking faking Covid would at least save me the spending money while I’m there!

Yanbu, these abroad hen dos and weddings need to be stamped out. I think it will be soon with people finding themselves in tough financial situations.

You don't have to go away for £££

You can decline

You sound a bit of a misery tbh

@FlibbertyGiblets i worry so much about that that I’ll end up with no pals! Plus my friends would make the wedding awkward if I didn’t go.

@Alfenstein you do if the hen and all the other bridesmaids are keen to!

@Mally100 i think so too!

Go to this one. Decline future ones.

If you’re bridesmaid you were in the perfect position to suggest something more manageable. I know how these things snowball and it’s easy to get carried away planning an even that’s months in advance though.

I agree with you though. Having to go away with a bunch of your friends random friends and family and having to pay hundreds for the privilege is painful.

To be honest, it sounds like you need a new set of friends. None of my friends would make things awkward for someone who couldn’t go to the hen do, they sound mean.

I would rather no pals than beggar myself so much that my own family miss out.

Look you are over-thinking, your pals won't be awkward, they are your mates and they love you.

Thanks all some helpful and lovely responses

I’ve never been abroad for a hen do and have declined a lot of hen do’s in this country as I dislike them. The only ones I’ve enjoyed have been v close friends and have just been a good night out.

I have found that with age comes the confidence to say no thanks to things I don’t want to do.

just say you cant afford it, any spare cash is for a family holiday or cost of living increase

You really don't

You can simply say, I can't attend if it's abroad but hope you all have a lovely time

Go to this one, then in the future make it clear you can't afford to spend £££. If your friends don't accept this, they're not real friends.

Wow.

Prioritising a bunch of friends and strangers, many of whom you'll only ever see again at the wedding, on an 'I don't really want to go' hen do (for a wedding that is statistically only half likely to last) abroad over a break with your kids?

You need new friends...

What did you do for you hen, OP?

This.

How many hen do's do you have to go to? I've a big group of friends but they were no more than 1 per year /every two years for around 8 years. So friends are either married off, not getting married or single. I personally love an abroad hen do.

The problem isnt the hen do cost/location it is your inability to say no. It isnt that hard.

I'd really love to go in your hen do, but sorry money is a bit tight and we just can't afford an expensive one this year.

Repeat as necessary.

Say you can't afford it. You can only afford your family holiday.

Too late now but honestly grow a pair

People have to be pretty bloody selfish to expect this of their friends.

Couldn't think of anything much worse. The usual tacky regalia, getting pissed, wobbling about the streets and awful blaring music. It is just an extension of the pretension around most weddings.