Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hen do sick

72 replies

Citylife · 05/08/2022 09:31

AIBU to be sick of hen dos? Why do we have to go away for hundreds of £s? So bored of it. Struggle to get enough money to take my kids away and I’m having to go to a hen do next week in Ibiza as I’m bridesmaid.

OP posts:
BigSandyBalls2015 · 05/08/2022 09:33

That's shit, she must be aware of your financial position. Can you fake covid or is it already paid for?

FlibbertyGiblets · 05/08/2022 09:34

In future you say 'that doesn't work for me, have a great time'.

Original poster
Citylife · 05/08/2022 09:34

Thanks @BigSandyBalls2015
all paid for but at this point I’m thinking faking Covid would at least save me the spending money while I’m there!

OP posts:
Mally100 · 05/08/2022 09:34

Yanbu, these abroad hen dos and weddings need to be stamped out. I think it will be soon with people finding themselves in tough financial situations.

Alfenstein · 05/08/2022 09:35

You don't have to go away for £££

You can decline

You sound a bit of a misery tbh

Original poster
Citylife · 05/08/2022 09:35

@FlibbertyGiblets i worry so much about that that I’ll end up with no pals! Plus my friends would make the wedding awkward if I didn’t go.

OP posts:
Original poster
Citylife · 05/08/2022 09:35

@Alfenstein you do if the hen and all the other bridesmaids are keen to!

OP posts:
Original poster
Citylife · 05/08/2022 09:36

@Mally100 i think so too!

OP posts:
CornishTiger · 05/08/2022 09:37

Go to this one. Decline future ones.

ClocksGoingBackwards · 05/08/2022 09:37

If you’re bridesmaid you were in the perfect position to suggest something more manageable. I know how these things snowball and it’s easy to get carried away planning an even that’s months in advance though.

I agree with you though. Having to go away with a bunch of your friends random friends and family and having to pay hundreds for the privilege is painful.

Brented · 05/08/2022 09:37

To be honest, it sounds like you need a new set of friends. None of my friends would make things awkward for someone who couldn’t go to the hen do, they sound mean.

FlibbertyGiblets · 05/08/2022 09:37

I would rather no pals than beggar myself so much that my own family miss out.

Look you are over-thinking, your pals won't be awkward, they are your mates and they love you.

Original poster
Citylife · 05/08/2022 09:40

Thanks all some helpful and lovely responses

OP posts:
Sunshineandflipflops · 05/08/2022 09:42

I’ve never been abroad for a hen do and have declined a lot of hen do’s in this country as I dislike them. The only ones I’ve enjoyed have been v close friends and have just been a good night out.

I have found that with age comes the confidence to say no thanks to things I don’t want to do.

chipsandpeas · 05/08/2022 09:43

just say you cant afford it, any spare cash is for a family holiday or cost of living increase

Alfenstein · 05/08/2022 09:44

Citylife · 05/08/2022 09:35

@Alfenstein you do if the hen and all the other bridesmaids are keen to!

You really don't

You can simply say, I can't attend if it's abroad but hope you all have a lovely time

LynetteScavo · 05/08/2022 09:47

Go to this one, then in the future make it clear you can't afford to spend £££. If your friends don't accept this, they're not real friends.

Fuuuuuckit · 05/08/2022 09:48

Wow.

Prioritising a bunch of friends and strangers, many of whom you'll only ever see again at the wedding, on an 'I don't really want to go' hen do (for a wedding that is statistically only half likely to last) abroad over a break with your kids?

You need new friends...

AlannahJama · 05/08/2022 09:50

What did you do for you hen, OP?

KosherDill · 05/08/2022 09:53

Brented · 05/08/2022 09:37

To be honest, it sounds like you need a new set of friends. None of my friends would make things awkward for someone who couldn’t go to the hen do, they sound mean.

This.

bluekostree · 05/08/2022 09:57

How many hen do's do you have to go to? I've a big group of friends but they were no more than 1 per year /every two years for around 8 years. So friends are either married off, not getting married or single. I personally love an abroad hen do.

WeAllHaveWings · 05/08/2022 09:59

The problem isnt the hen do cost/location it is your inability to say no. It isnt that hard.

I'd really love to go in your hen do, but sorry money is a bit tight and we just can't afford an expensive one this year.

Repeat as necessary.

maddy68 · 05/08/2022 09:59

Say you can't afford it. You can only afford your family holiday.

Too late now but honestly grow a pair

girlmom21 · 05/08/2022 09:59

People have to be pretty bloody selfish to expect this of their friends.

Mississipi71 · 05/08/2022 10:02

Couldn't think of anything much worse. The usual tacky regalia, getting pissed, wobbling about the streets and awful blaring music. It is just an extension of the pretension around most weddings.