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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be feeling really down on holiday

58 replies

PegottyPie · 05/08/2022 09:08

I know I ABU really as so many people desperate for a holiday and I'm lucky to get one etc etc but just feeling trapped and needed a moan and didn't know where else.

In a v posh all inclusive resort where nobody speaks a word of English amongst the staff or the other guests. My linguistic skills are rubbish and when I try, people look at me like I've farted. It's truly embarrassing. DH is native speaker so totally at home but not really helping and getting cross at my lack of ability.

He's also getting cross at DS who doesn't want to go to kids club as they don't speak any English and he can't understand anyone. He's only little and it's scary for him. DH getting mad at him and mad at me for not forcing him to go.

There are no family activities here, it's all split into separate kids and adult clubs. I've got awful tummy ache and feel fat from the constant eating (they have v rich food 3 courses min twice a day and the last meal of the day starts at 8pm so sits really heavy). And DH doesn't want to do any of the activities I would, so I can't understand anything. To top it all, this holiday cost a fortune.

OP posts:
Benjaminsniddlegrass · 05/08/2022 09:09

To paraphrase - you don't have a holiday problem you have a DH problem. Is he always such a knob?

Lottapianos · 05/08/2022 09:11

I hear you. I've been deeply miserable (depressed) on holiday before. It's 'supposed' to be a glorious golden time where you become the best version of yourself and leave all your troubles behind and come home renewed, but it just doesn't always work out that way. So you're not alone

Your situation sounds bloody stressful actually. Is this an extension of how things are at home between you and DH or is it extra intense because of holiday? How many more days left?

Afterfire · 05/08/2022 09:14

Your dh sounds awful!

Of course you can’t put your child in a kids club if they’re unhappy. It’s meant to be a holiday for them too!

Can you take your child and just go home? Sounds utterly awful.

Mindymomo · 05/08/2022 09:16

My son went to a kids club where they didn’t speak English, he went once and we didn’t force him to go again. Is there anywhere outside the resort for families, what are you spending the day doing.

Bernadinetta · 05/08/2022 09:16

Where are you?

KnowButNeedU2TellMeAsItIs · 05/08/2022 09:19

So what’s your OH doing whilst his
family are unhappy? Wow he sounds like a knobbier. Remind him that it’s urs and DS
holiday too. And stop blaming urself. Go and enjoy the holiday with your son, sit by the pool all day, have siestas, go to the beach. Do what you need to do and watch ur OH - how is he supporting you, what is he doing to make this a great family holiday, how is he making you and your DS feel.

mumto2teenagers · 05/08/2022 09:20

Where are you?

I agree with others that it's your DH that seems to be the problem, not the holiday.

When our DD's were younger sometimes they would love the kids club and spend most of their time there, but others they would spend time with us, so it is quite normal for children not to want to go. Did your DH expect your DC to spend all the time in the club.

CleopatrasBeautifulNose · 05/08/2022 09:25

Your dh has agreed/booked a holiday where his first language is exclusively spoken knowing your skills in this language are limited and is now adding insult to injury on top of the other guests disapproval by getting cross with you! 😮
His small child isn't merrily spending all day in an unfamiliar place with strangers he can't communicate with and he's pissed off about that too and you for having some actual practical empathy with him and allowing him to stay. Christ on a bike... At most points in the history of human evolution if small children blithely scampered off with any random who they don't know and doesn't love them they'd likely meet a sticky end pretty quickly, so it goes against all small children's instincts to happily do that! Forcing him to would be forcing him to be in a situation that all his instincts will be screaming at him is wrong. That's why nurseries have settling in plans when external care settings are used and it takes a bit of time for them to feel confident, and that's if they are made welcome which is harder with no common language. That's not going to happen in a short holiday. When he's older and understands he's safe etc it would be different.
And seeing that his wife and child are not in a position to easily feel welcomed or at home and therefore unable to make use of all these wonderful facilities with pleasure he won't put himself out and engage in an activity you would enjoy because that does suit him! 😮😮😮
Wow he's a peach isn't he.
Bloody hell.
His family's perspective and lived experience, happening now in front of his very eyes, is a massive inconvenience for his comfort and pleasure isn't it. Selfish git.

Thehop · 05/08/2022 09:28

Please don’t make ds go to kids club that’s awful. Your husband sounds a right prick. Is he always like this?

converseandjeans · 05/08/2022 09:31

That sounds rubbish. Maybe if he had spent more time with DS he would be able to speak the language?

Why is he so insistent DS goes to kids club? Does he want a child free holiday? I wouldn't send mine to kids club in UK let alone one where they couldn't speak the language.

Is there no pool or beach you can go to?

GrowlingManchego · 05/08/2022 09:32

Tell us roughly where you are and we can make some suggestions of things to do with your child. Sorry it’s not the break you hoped for. Is there much outside of the complex?

Genegenieee · 05/08/2022 09:34

Feel for you all inclusive is depressingly restrictive enough as it is and this sounds a bit shit, as does DH. Take yourself out of the resort. Is it one of the French speaking club med type resorts, my friend went with her family once and had similar feelings to you (and experience with her native speaking DH!)

SunshineLollipopsAndRainbows · 05/08/2022 09:37

Oh my goodness OP I’m so sorry. I agree with everyone else - you have a DH problem! He sounds awful! I would be taking a long hard look at my marriage 😥

Tougherpolicies · 05/08/2022 09:40

Wow! Yes where are you? Think I'd be on the next plane home

cookiesNcrea · 05/08/2022 09:40

@PegottyPie i really feel for you. I’ve been in this exact situation in the past, I felt really down and felt DH and everyone else looked down at me. Could it be a solution to download an app for that language? I have a free one on my phone and just keep repeating the phrases. The paid apps check your pronunciation too so that will be a confident boost for you. Hope you feel better soon x

Eastangular2000 · 05/08/2022 09:43

Where the hell are you that no one in this very smart resort speaks a word of english and looks down on you if you try to speak the local; language?

Just because its AI doesn't mean you have to eat ,massive meals twice a day.

Onewildandpreciouslife · 05/08/2022 09:48

You’re not being unreasonable, but you need to reclaim your holiday for yourself.

If you were there without DH, what would you do to make yourself and DS happy? I guess there’s a pool? A beach? Ice cream? Just spend a day pleasing yourself and take it from there.

Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 05/08/2022 09:49

Who choose this holiday?

KosherDill · 05/08/2022 09:51

It's a pity he hasn't made the effort to have your child be bilingual.

Festoonlights · 05/08/2022 09:53

I would check out and go elsewhere - tell the hotel management of the issues. Negotiate a way out and leave if you have pre paid.

Tigofigo · 05/08/2022 09:58

Your DH is a dick, but you're not helping yourself either.

Feel fat and full? Eat less! Choose differently! Surely they have salads and things at a v posh AI place? Is it a buffet? Have the vegan option.

No family activities? Go swimming together! Buy a bat and ball set! Build sand sculptures! Go for a walk! Read! Play cards! Most people don't have activities laid on for them, they make their own fun. Perhaps the hotel does excursions, take your DS on one.

Can't speak the language? You obviously have your phone with you, use Google Translate!

Princessoftheuniverse · 05/08/2022 10:04

Going to do what I never normally do and ask an off the point question. Apologies in advance.

Why isn’t your DC bilingual? Feels like a massive opportunity missed.

Maireas · 05/08/2022 10:06

It's very unusual at a posh resort that no-one speaks English. You don't have to eat heavy meals and you can organise your own activities. We often stayed in resorts, but did our own thing.

Twiglets1 · 05/08/2022 10:11

Sorry about your son and the kids club - I think it’s understandable he doesn’t want to go.
Re the meals I just have to point out you don’t have to eat 3 courses or you could eat tiny portions. Please don’t force yourself to eat food you don’t really want.

Afterfire · 05/08/2022 10:13

Eastangular2000 · 05/08/2022 09:43

Where the hell are you that no one in this very smart resort speaks a word of english and looks down on you if you try to speak the local; language?

Just because its AI doesn't mean you have to eat ,massive meals twice a day.

A lot of the 4/5 star Tui Magic Life resorts are like this. I’m on a few holiday forums and it’s a common moan. Tui tends to be heavily marketed at the German market and those local to the actual resorts so there are numerous complaints on the forums about the lack of English speaking people.