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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

ADHD in adults.

77 replies

DancingBird · 05/08/2022 08:34

How did you realise you had ADHD / ADD and is it worth getting an assessment?

I'm 27 and my son has recently been diagnosed with ASD and ADHD. I know it is often genetic, so it has started me wondering about myself.

  • I have always marched to the beat of my own drum. As a child, no hobbies were consistent because I wanted to 'do my own thing'.
  • I was very hyperactive, skipping, jumping, leaping but this stopped around the age of 11. Due to this, people did suggest to my mum that I may have ADHD.
  • I was very clever and could easily past tests in school with minimal effort. This lead to conflict when I was in secondary school, as if I didn't see the point in doing homework or something in class, I would be defiant.
  • I had friends, but I definitely dominated friendships in primary school, I can distinctly remember most games being 'mine'. I had friends in secondary school, but there were lots of issues throughout. I don't really have many friends as an adult, but I don't really care.
  • My long term memory is brilliant, but short term not so good. I often forget what I am doing in the moment. Most days I will go out of the house, lock it up, get in the car, then realise I've forgotten something.
  • I work for myself because I don't like following rules I find pointless or other people telling me what to do.
  • I am late to things, all the time. I don't factor in certain things, for instance, I will need to pack a bag, or have breakfast. To be on time, it requires a lot of effort and planning. Even in situations where I am on time, I am arriving at the last minute. To truly be on time, I would need to get up hours and hours before the event.
  • Distraction is also an issue. For example, I've got guests arriving in a couple of hours and have lots to do, but instead I am writing this Mumsnet post!
  • In social situations I tend to 'latch on to' the other person who needs to have neurodiverse tendencies, I don't like small talk, and much prefer someone I can have full on debates with.
  • My common sense is not so good. Jokes often go over my head or I will take things quite literally.
  • I've noticed I've got some sensory sensitivities, I hate restrictive clothing or items, like coats or tight boots or goggles. I would rather freeze in the winter rather than wear a coat as I hate the fact I can't move my arms properly.
Does this sound within the realms of 'normal'? Or do you think something else is going on?
OP posts:
LadyGardenersQuestionTime · 05/08/2022 08:40

No idea, but do you think it would help you to know?

MassiveSalad22 · 05/08/2022 08:49

Sounds like me and I’ve often wondered if I have ADHD 🤷🏻‍♀️ My executive function is impeccable though so not sure! DS I often wonder if he has ADHD too although school haven’t mentioned anything.

MassiveSalad22 · 05/08/2022 08:50

Actually have just looked up executive function and it covers more than I thought - I’m amazing at some bits of it and awful at the rest!

LibrariesGiveUsPower · 05/08/2022 08:57

You sound just like me. My sibling just got diagnosed as adhd and I’m convinced I am too.

whateveryouwantmetosay · 05/08/2022 09:08

Sounds like ASD and ADHD combined.

SkankingWombat · 05/08/2022 09:51

whateveryouwantmetosay · 05/08/2022 09:08

Sounds like ASD and ADHD combined.

Agreed.
If you feel it would benefit you to know there's a reason these things are difficult for you then ask your GP to be referred for assessment.

I am very similar to your description. I had a lightning bolt moment when trying to piece together what was going on with my DD. I'm currently 'in the system' following a referral for ADHD. There have been other things that needed to be addressed and discounted first so it is taking a long time, but it is ticking along. In the meantime, my DD has been assessed and the things flagged and attributed to ASD with her (she originally went for an ADHD assessment only) has made me realise I have a lot of ASD traits too.

Original poster
DancingBird · 05/08/2022 11:51

There's lots of things I haven't mentioned too. Another example is, when I'm in public, I can get very distracted by other things, for instance if someone is sat opposite me in a restaurant and we are conversing, I will be listening to the music, conversations on other tables, what the waiters are doing etc. I will 'zone out' and need to then really concentrate on the other person to catch up on what they were saying. The untrained eye won't spot it, but my partner and close family members often point out that my eyes have glazed over and they can tell I've 'zoned out'.

I don't want to waste the time of the NHS. I have a good life, I've fit it around my strengths and weaknesses, I don't feel disabled. The only reason for diagnosis would be to understand myself better and my son.

@SkankingWombat @whateveryouwantmetosay @LibrariesGiveUsPower

Would you say everything I have mentioned is beyond 'normal' then?

OP posts:
Aberration · 05/08/2022 11:57

I hate to be cynical but I’ve not heard of anyone going for adhd assessment who hasn’t come out with a diagnosis. It makes me doubt the validity, especially when they pay for it. There is so much opinion bias when you are recalling your past. I know about ten people who went for an assessment and they all got the diagnosis.

if you want medication then go for it. Otherwise I wouldn’t bother. You can still implement the coping mechanisms relevant.

Original poster
DancingBird · 05/08/2022 12:38

@Aberration Yes, I would only be going for the diagnosis to understand my son better. Since his diagnosis of ASD and ADHD, it has thrown up a lot of questions about myself, especially as there is so often a genetic link.

I don't know if it is opinion bias, when I spoke to my mum about this, she was the one who mentioned that other people had questioned whether I had ADHD as I was so active and hyper as a child.

OP posts:
eggsandbaconeveryday · 05/08/2022 12:52

Take a look at www.additudemag.com/

there is lots of info on there to help both you and your son. Plus they have a questionnaire to check for ADHD symptoms that might be useful for you

southlondonerhere · 05/08/2022 12:56

I'm 27 too, also suspect I have adhd for similar reasons and issues I've faced, was in a really bad way a few years ago and finally plucked up courage to go to doctor about it, they referred me to adhd clinic to be looked at, I was put on the waiting list in May 2021, I knew I'd be waiting a while so I have been working on coping mechanisms and my life is much better now thank god!! But I do still struggle with some things that I just don't seem to find a solution for. Anyway, I got a text message from my doctors surgery in June 2022 (over a year since I got put on the waiting list) to say that my referral had been rejected!!! I was so annoying after waiting for over a year! I've given up with it now, I'm fairly certain I do have it, but no diagnosis is going to get rid of it so just got to make the most of it! The only thing for me that a diagnosis would do is enable me to give an explanation when people get annoyed at me for things I do that I think are because I have adhd, other than that just got to get on with life I spose. Anyway yeah, no harm in getting on the waiting list but be prepared for it to take ages.. try and find coping mechanisms in the meantime and if you really want to you can pay to go private, quite expensive though!

NumericalBlock · 05/08/2022 13:03

I realised that I had it early 2021, got diagnosed at Christmas. I could have cried when I got diagnosed tbh. The relief at being validated professionally was unbelievable.

I started medication a few weeks ago and it's been a game changer for executive functioning. It's not been a radical change, but I can now see something that needs to be done and be able to work out the process of doing it strait away so it gets done, like the laundry pile, and my brain can make the connections of "I need to bag it and take it to the machine" rather than "that needs to go into the machine", subtle difference but the latter ends up with a distraction, or another thing to the list that ends in overwhelm and shutting down, etc.

Jinglesplodge · 05/08/2022 13:03

I think there's a good chance you would find you have ADHD: I'm in a similar situation as I only realised I probably have it when I was looking into my son's difficulties.

There's a bit of ableism on this thread though: the reason people going for assessment are being diagnosed is not because they're paying for an assessment. It's because anyone finding enough difficulty in their life that they are willing to pay for professional assessment is likely to have ADHD. That's like being suspicious of the number of patients attending a fractured clinic and being diagnosed with fractures. That's why they're there in the first place.

AwkwardPaws27 · 05/08/2022 13:07

Jinglesplodge · 05/08/2022 13:03

I think there's a good chance you would find you have ADHD: I'm in a similar situation as I only realised I probably have it when I was looking into my son's difficulties.

There's a bit of ableism on this thread though: the reason people going for assessment are being diagnosed is not because they're paying for an assessment. It's because anyone finding enough difficulty in their life that they are willing to pay for professional assessment is likely to have ADHD. That's like being suspicious of the number of patients attending a fractured clinic and being diagnosed with fractures. That's why they're there in the first place.

^ this.
@Jinglesplodge has said it far more eloquently than I could.

SkankingWombat · 05/08/2022 13:13

Aberration · 05/08/2022 11:57

I hate to be cynical but I’ve not heard of anyone going for adhd assessment who hasn’t come out with a diagnosis. It makes me doubt the validity, especially when they pay for it. There is so much opinion bias when you are recalling your past. I know about ten people who went for an assessment and they all got the diagnosis.

if you want medication then go for it. Otherwise I wouldn’t bother. You can still implement the coping mechanisms relevant.

If it has a high rate of diagnosis in those putting themselves forwards for assessment, that is probably because it was (still is?) hugely underdiagnosed when our generation(s) were children, particularly for girls. Plus, if you are paying ££££ for assessment/diagnosis/treatment/meds you will have really done your research beforehand and been very sure before stumping up the cash!
I have gone with the NHS system as the difference between 6 and 18 months won't make much difference to me. To be referred I had to have a long chat with my GP, fill out numerous forms, and have a number of physical checks. I have also had to have psychotherapy to process childhood trauma to ensure that isn't the cause as sometimes symptoms can be similar. It will be a thorough process, and they most certainly haven't just taken my word for it!
My DD cannot afford to wait the several years it will take on the NHS (adult referrals are quicker), so we have gone private with her. It is no less thorough, in fact more so as they also check school reports and have them fill out a good number of assessment forms too. DD has also had dyslexia screenings to rule that out.

LibrariesGiveUsPower · 05/08/2022 18:44

Aberration · 05/08/2022 11:57

I hate to be cynical but I’ve not heard of anyone going for adhd assessment who hasn’t come out with a diagnosis. It makes me doubt the validity, especially when they pay for it. There is so much opinion bias when you are recalling your past. I know about ten people who went for an assessment and they all got the diagnosis.

if you want medication then go for it. Otherwise I wouldn’t bother. You can still implement the coping mechanisms relevant.

That’s kind of akin to saying I don’t know anyone who’s paid to be seen by a fertility clinic who didn’t have fertility issues.

People will only pay if they are experiencing problems.

alnawire · 05/08/2022 18:48

I hate to be cynical but I’ve not heard of anyone going for adhd assessment who hasn’t come out with a diagnosis. It makes me doubt the validity, especially when they pay for it.

That would only work if the sample consisted of all people. As it is it only consists of people who struggle in areas that match with ADHD. Nobody is going for an assessment unless they think they meet the criteria for diagnosis. Bob next door isn't being assessed because he doesn't think he has ADHD. Susan across the road however. Well she has just realised that her struggles for with ADHD, so she is paying to be assessed.

alnawire · 05/08/2022 18:50

LadyGardenersQuestionTime · 05/08/2022 08:40

No idea, but do you think it would help you to know?

This is the most ignorant but sadly very common thing ever posted on threads where people are trying to work out their differences. Do you think it's helpful to do that?

Anon778833 · 05/08/2022 18:51

I’m autistic. I was diagnosed at 37. But I also relate fully to your post about the stuff to do with lateness etc. and I think I also do have ADHD. I end up with piles of stuff and have no idea where anything is. It’s actually incredibly stressful.

I do stuff like, pick up something important I need to take somewhere. Then I put it down and leave the house without it. To be on time, I have to start getting ready 1 hour earlier than I would think.

Bythisway · 05/08/2022 18:52

It depends on what impact it’s having on your life and functioning. Most people have these things from time to time or to some extent. It’s whether or not it’s having a detrimental or significant impact on your quality life or ability to function.

Anon778833 · 05/08/2022 18:54

Aberration · 05/08/2022 11:57

I hate to be cynical but I’ve not heard of anyone going for adhd assessment who hasn’t come out with a diagnosis. It makes me doubt the validity, especially when they pay for it. There is so much opinion bias when you are recalling your past. I know about ten people who went for an assessment and they all got the diagnosis.

if you want medication then go for it. Otherwise I wouldn’t bother. You can still implement the coping mechanisms relevant.

This is such an ignorant post. Why the fuck do you think that people would pay for an assessment if they are not sure they have that condition?

You shouldn’t talk over people with disabilities when you know nothing about it. FWIW, I’m lucky enough to have an NHS diagnosis but I don’t go around telling people that if they had privately obtained assessments their dx is not valid Hmm

alnawire · 05/08/2022 18:55

Bythisway · 05/08/2022 18:52

It depends on what impact it’s having on your life and functioning. Most people have these things from time to time or to some extent. It’s whether or not it’s having a detrimental or significant impact on your quality life or ability to function.

This is just ableist bollocks.

DilemmaDelilah · 05/08/2022 18:56

I am in a similar situation in that I have recently come to the conclusion that I am probably autistic. I have asked for a referral for an assessment. I am over 60 so others may think this is unnecessary, but for me it would help me to understand why I have always felt like the odd one out, nobody likes me, I am a weirdo. It would help me to come to terms with it if I knew there was a reason. If it turns out I am neurotypical and I am just a weirdo I will just have to deal with it!

alnawire · 05/08/2022 18:57

Anon778833 · 05/08/2022 18:51

I’m autistic. I was diagnosed at 37. But I also relate fully to your post about the stuff to do with lateness etc. and I think I also do have ADHD. I end up with piles of stuff and have no idea where anything is. It’s actually incredibly stressful.

I do stuff like, pick up something important I need to take somewhere. Then I put it down and leave the house without it. To be on time, I have to start getting ready 1 hour earlier than I would think.

I'm the same. Late diagnosed autistic and I'm now wondering whether or not I actually have ADHD as well.

Cassiehug · 05/08/2022 18:59

Hiya well done on spotting your particular character traits.I have worked for 30 years with diagnosed children and the one thing I will say is enjoy.
You are no more particular or peculiar than most neurological people in fact just more aware.Adiagnosis might be useful for obtaining a position where your strengths are in short supply or they have to employ someone with a disability for pr purposes.But otherwise follow any website link to alleviate anything you find irksome and try to understand the rest of the human race