ADHD in adults.

[DancingBird]

How did you realise you had ADHD / ADD and is it worth getting an assessment?

I'm 27 and my son has recently been diagnosed with ASD and ADHD. I know it is often genetic, so it has started me wondering about myself.

• I have always marched to the beat of my own drum. As a child, no hobbies were consistent because I wanted to 'do my own thing'.
• I was very hyperactive, skipping, jumping, leaping but this stopped around the age of 11. Due to this, people did suggest to my mum that I may have ADHD.
• I was very clever and could easily past tests in school with minimal effort. This lead to conflict when I was in secondary school, as if I didn't see the point in doing homework or something in class, I would be defiant.
• I had friends, but I definitely dominated friendships in primary school, I can distinctly remember most games being 'mine'. I had friends in secondary school, but there were lots of issues throughout. I don't really have many friends as an adult, but I don't really care.
• My long term memory is brilliant, but short term not so good. I often forget what I am doing in the moment. Most days I will go out of the house, lock it up, get in the car, then realise I've forgotten something.
• I work for myself because I don't like following rules I find pointless or other people telling me what to do.
• I am late to things, all the time. I don't factor in certain things, for instance, I will need to pack a bag, or have breakfast. To be on time, it requires a lot of effort and planning. Even in situations where I am on time, I am arriving at the last minute. To truly be on time, I would need to get up hours and hours before the event.
• Distraction is also an issue. For example, I've got guests arriving in a couple of hours and have lots to do, but instead I am writing this Mumsnet post!
• In social situations I tend to 'latch on to' the other person who needs to have neurodiverse tendencies, I don't like small talk, and much prefer someone I can have full on debates with.
• My common sense is not so good. Jokes often go over my head or I will take things quite literally.
• I've noticed I've got some sensory sensitivities, I hate restrictive clothing or items, like coats or tight boots or goggles. I would rather freeze in the winter rather than wear a coat as I hate the fact I can't move my arms properly.

Does this sound within the realms of 'normal'? Or do you think something else is going on?

Does anyone know if masking is a thing? I feel like I’m one person to others and try to suppress all the traits I hate/would be judged for and another person in my mind who knows what I’m truly like. I’m so embarrassed by the way I really am.😳

I feel like you don't really understand what the medication does for someone with ADHD and how it is different to the effect on those without it.

If you measure only on productivity, maybe you could argue it works for both groups similarly, but I can assure you that the reason why and the experiences of each group would be quite different.

It's a stimulant and yet, for those with ADHD it helps to relieve the mental restlessness of hyperactivity.

You sound like me, confirmed ASD at 34, suspected ADHD after spotting symptoms in my daughter.

Diagnosis of my ASD was a really happy event because until that point anything that went wrong or that I couldn't achieve felt like it was a personal failing and something intrinsically wrong with me. Once I got diagnosed and learned to support myself it got easier and my self esteem wasn't so bruised. So yeh, for me it was helpful to know.

@DancingBird I would ask for this thread to be removed and repost it in ND mumsnetters.
We are a supportive bunch and you’ll find lots of wisdom and experience there.

How many neurotypical people routinely hit rock bottom to the point they spend a grand or so to get an ADHD diagnosis for shiggles? I'd say that's pretty rare.

The private doc I saw is the same doc the NHS uses to diagnose. Before she would even see me/take any money I had two screening questionnaires myself, and also my husband, mother and sister all did a questionnaire on me. If traits weren't spotted at that point from multiple sources I wouldn't have got to formal diagnosis (the 3 hour interview session that I slept for 18 hours afterwards). It's fucking gruelling.

Maybe look into the process before slating it?

It really fucks me off when people invalidate adult diagnoses. Like, come on, have we not suffered enough masking, hiding it, failing and not fitting in, and now some random wants to take away the first thing that's made sense... But don't worry because they "hate to be cynical", they're just pointing it out.

@Notfancyfree It depends what you mean by ‘working’. Stimulants would make most people feel more active and alert but the stimulants my son takes calm him down which they wouldn’t do to people who didn’t have severe hyperactive type adhd.

I take medication and it doesn’t enhance my performance. It helps me cope with day to day organisation, reduces social anxiety and helps me emotionally regulate.

i take a different medication to my son because my adhd is very different. Mine has given me a lifetime of low self esteem, anxiety and shame. I am so pleased my boys have been diagnosed at school and have accepted themselves as they are.

They also get high grades because they are very intelligent (to the PP who seemed surprised by this!) Adhd doesn’t make you thick!!

Thankfully they are unaware that there are people cynical about their condition and treatment like some of the other PPs.

learning about “the process” is exactly what made me cynical about it. Both when I considered getting my own initial diagnosis confirmed and seeing my friends go through it.

im glad your label helped you but it doesn’t follow that it would help everyone.

My daughter tried medication for a little while. She says it helped to ‘quieten her brain’, which meant she could focus better. It kind of levelled the playing field if you see what I mean

Unfortunately she also has Tourette’s and it exacerbated her tics, so she had to pick the least worst option and stopped it.

@HappyBinosaur there were plenty of people at my uni who took adhd medication to write essays. They said it cleared their mind completely to allow them to focus. They’d write an essay, look up and realise 4 hours had passed.

from what you said that would only be true if they all happened to have adhd?

Can you please just stop this now?

The 'cynical' attitude about a medical assessment and the 'ADHD' meds work for all is fucking awful.

I would actually just repost in there tbh OP, you will get much better replies.

This thread is ridiculous.

This scholarly opinion from the BMJ might be of interest -

"... However, in the UK and elsewhere in Europe, ADHD is an under-diagnosed condition and ADHD medication is widely under-prescribed." [my emphasis].

There are statistics to support this in the full article:

www.bmj.com/content/370/bmj.m2752/rr-5

no. We are all posting opinions and experiences and mine is just as valid as yours.

when people discuss gender dysphoria on this forum telling people to “listen to experts” or that “no one gets a diagnosis without reason” is rejected. If you can tell me why this is different I’d love to hear it. And I’m not even saying op doesn’t have adhd I’m saying it’s not always a helpful label.

@Aberration that is not what I said. My adhd medication doesn’t make me super perform and focus for 4 hours! That isn’t what it’s supposed to do and the reason it did that to your uni friends is probably because they don’t have adhd!

For me it helps me focus and cope at a normal level. The same drug for someone else might give them super performance but all I want is to achieve my potential and cope.

@Aberration also for many adhd isn’t referred to as a ‘label’ but a ‘diagnosis’. We know they technically mean the same but the way those words are used is subtly different.

@Aberration and I’m pleased you’re high functioning enough not to need help. I wish I was but I’m not so I take medication.

It's not my label it's my diagnosis.

*Aberration · Today 09:40
@HappyBinosaur there were plenty of people at my uni who took adhd medication to write essays. They said it cleared their mind completely to allow them to focus. They’d write an essay, look up and realise 4 hours had passed.

from what you said that would only be true if they all happened to have adhd?*

This actually proves the opposite point. If someone without adhd took adhd medication it might well make them perform and focus like this.

when I take this medication it makes me focus at a more normal level so I can cope and achieve my potential.

no. We are all posting opinions and experiences and mine is just as valid as yours.

I don't think your opinion is valid at all actually.

Yes. That was my deciding factor for me on whether I wanted to get diagnosed officially. . I can recognise that’s not the case for everyone and if that’s the same for op then I would urge her to get an assessment.

Yes. That was my deciding factor for me on whether I wanted to get diagnosed officially. . I can recognise that’s not the case for everyone and if that’s the same for op then I would urge her to get an assessment.

Is that the same assessment you have been dismissive of throughout?

I'm almost certain you are just being goady at this point.

Threads like this upset me and yes I know it’s my own fault to clicking on them but funnily enough I am impulsive and feel a lot of shame (adhd!)
Having your own diagnosis/ treatment etc up for debate is fucking shit, especially if you’ve really struggled.

That’s convenient when it doesn’t fit with yours!

as I said, no different to what I’m told when I’ve questioned a gender dysphoria diagnosis.

i will dip out now because I’ve said all I want to say.

it’s not wrong to question psychiatry or psychology. Op posted to ask for opinions, you are projecting if you assume she wanted only confirmation and not challenge.

I realised when my son was diognosed with autism and adhd and I said he's just like me and 2 other close relatives. Then it clicked. Now we see it and think wow. No idea how my mum missed it with us.

Yes. I knew if I went for an assessment id get a diagnosis and that if I wanted to I’d get meds. I weighed up how much meds might help and at the time I was flat broke facing paying for further studying (hence reconsidering going for an assessment). I decided to implement coping mechanism id read online that helped adhd. I didn’t need a diagnosis for that.