ADHD in adults.

[DancingBird]

How did you realise you had ADHD / ADD and is it worth getting an assessment?

I'm 27 and my son has recently been diagnosed with ASD and ADHD. I know it is often genetic, so it has started me wondering about myself.

• I have always marched to the beat of my own drum. As a child, no hobbies were consistent because I wanted to 'do my own thing'.
• I was very hyperactive, skipping, jumping, leaping but this stopped around the age of 11. Due to this, people did suggest to my mum that I may have ADHD.
• I was very clever and could easily past tests in school with minimal effort. This lead to conflict when I was in secondary school, as if I didn't see the point in doing homework or something in class, I would be defiant.
• I had friends, but I definitely dominated friendships in primary school, I can distinctly remember most games being 'mine'. I had friends in secondary school, but there were lots of issues throughout. I don't really have many friends as an adult, but I don't really care.
• My long term memory is brilliant, but short term not so good. I often forget what I am doing in the moment. Most days I will go out of the house, lock it up, get in the car, then realise I've forgotten something.
• I work for myself because I don't like following rules I find pointless or other people telling me what to do.
• I am late to things, all the time. I don't factor in certain things, for instance, I will need to pack a bag, or have breakfast. To be on time, it requires a lot of effort and planning. Even in situations where I am on time, I am arriving at the last minute. To truly be on time, I would need to get up hours and hours before the event.
• Distraction is also an issue. For example, I've got guests arriving in a couple of hours and have lots to do, but instead I am writing this Mumsnet post!
• In social situations I tend to 'latch on to' the other person who needs to have neurodiverse tendencies, I don't like small talk, and much prefer someone I can have full on debates with.
• My common sense is not so good. Jokes often go over my head or I will take things quite literally.
• I've noticed I've got some sensory sensitivities, I hate restrictive clothing or items, like coats or tight boots or goggles. I would rather freeze in the winter rather than wear a coat as I hate the fact I can't move my arms properly.

Does this sound within the realms of 'normal'? Or do you think something else is going on?

What the fuck did I just read

I'm sorry OP this thread really is attracting the wrong people.

It’s incredibly rare for someone to think they are ND when they’re not. Usually, you’ve already gone through life feeling like a failure and suddenly there’s this lightbulb moment when you realise that there are a load of people just like you who also have different brains. That your ‘failures’ have an explanation. And also that by understanding your own idiosyncrasies, you can make adjustments that will improve your quality of life and functioning.

This is not something a NT person would EVER understand so if that’s you, butt out and keep your ableist opinions to yourself. I don’t care if you’re a teacher either or whatever.

@DancingBird

Can I suggest that you ask for this post to be moved to the thread topic ‘Mumsnetters with SEN’?

This!

The posts in this thread are ridiculous.

Don't go for assessment unless you want some medication - what the hell is that about? The lack of understanding when it comes to the value of diagnosis is astounding.

And the comment about people employing someone with a diagnosis for PR reasons - what a nasty fucking thing to say. As if so one with ADHD can't get a job for any reason other than box ticking. Plenty of diagnoses adults have jobs on their own fucking merit.

Actually yes, do this. I didn't even notice it was in AIBU. That will be why it's attracted so much shite.

I realised last year, and was diagnosed this year at 39 with inattentive ADHD.
I had very poor impulse control,
Couldn't finish a task because I got distracted,
Procrastinated,
Made stupid mistakes because I couldn't finish reading instructions,
Had trouble focusing and listening to someone speak to me,
Got overwhelmed by basic tasks,
Poor concentration,
Brain was never quiet - have several internal monologues, including one that sings the same line from the same song over and over again,
I could never relax,
I was always told I was lazy and didn't have any common sense.
Piss poor executive functioning.

It was worth the diagnosis to get the medication, which has changed my life. I scored very high, and the psychiatrist said my ADHD was severe. I'm currently very bitter that it wasn't recognised earlier because my entire life has been shit because of it. Who knows what I might have achieved with earlier intervention and medication.

@DancingBird Please take no notice of attempts on this thread to minimise your struggles. I have sent you a PM.

I thought my post would annoy a few people. Funny you say a neurotypical person wouldn’t understand because I was actually identified as very likely having adhd by an educational psychologist when I was 18 based on a questionnaire. I got diagnosed with a processing disorder at the same time as well (based on more than a questionnaire). I also suspect I have autism but that’s by the by. He told me I should persue a formal diagnosis but in true adhd fashion I never got around to organising it and didn’t think about it again till when I really struggled with a job ten years later and I reflected on my past a bit.

The number of my friends who have decided in our 30’s to seek a diagnosis has exploded so yes I am skeptical. It doesn’t mean I don’t think adhd exists or causes issues. It means I think an hour long appt and a questionnaire which will be heavily influenced by your own opinions will get you an adhd diagnosis. Maybe your assessment was more thorough but this isn’t my friends situation. I also doubt the usefulness of a label If a third of the population can have it if they’re willing to pay for it. There is also a lot of trauma and school bullying in the lives of at least three of these friends (and mine) which I think cause have caused the same issues at school and maladaptive behaviours as adults but they’ve told me this wasn’t questioned in their assessments. If you read about adhd traits, think you relate to to some then of course you will remember things from school that fit your bias. In the same way that a parent who thinks adhd doesn’t exist will remember situations that demonstrate they don’t fit those traits if they are so inclined.

I have spent a long time reading about adhd coping mechanisms and implementing them. Also researching the long term effects of adhd drugs. I personally didn’t want to put an official label on myself or take the medication which is why I prompted op to consider what is the diagnosis for. It’s not ableist to point out that you can research coping mechanisms and understand it without paying for someone to confirm what you know. I understand why the op might find it validating. I’m saying her struggles are valid without paying for the label.

I probably would have done better in life with adhd medication. My belief is that everyone would even if they don’t have adhd. I know people who bought it on the black market when we were at uni to help them write essays and it helped them immensely.,

maybe my traits are adhd, maybe autism, maybe trauma, long term depression, maybe innate personality, maybe influenced by my parent with similar personality traits. But the coping mechanisms are the same regardless of the label. A lot of parallels in that sense with depression I think. I just wanted to give an alternative opinion to the standard response that the next step is a diagnosis and prescription.

also op something I would recommend is getting your b12 levels checked and taking omega 3 supplements. One of these has helped me immensely I’m not sure which because I fixed the deficiency at the same time as starting omega 3! That and regular exercise have helped me a lot.

I hope I’ve explained myself well. It’s not that I don’t think your struggles are valid.

I’d save up the (considerable) cash and get looked at privately, OP. It can take ages to get a diagnosis, but as pps have pointed out, the medication could be life-changing.
Do you find you randomly hyper-focus on things, too? To such a degree that it can annoy others? A couple of adults I’ve known who went on to diagnoses did this. It explained a lot and I became much more tolerant - and it opened the door for us laugh about each other’s oddities and quirks, which was refreshing.
Use alarms on your phone as reminders when something is important. But not just 1 reminder - set 2, 5 minutes apart. The second will catch you out when you’ve done the, “Oh, yes, I need to do that. I’ll do it in a minute” (and then forget to do it) trap.

It's not about you. And yes, your post, and this subsequent post, did 'annoy' people. It's because minimising and dismissing what, for some, can be a life changing diagnosis because you basically don't believe it is nasty. Your attitude isn't helpful.

@alnawire I never said it was about me. I mentioned my own story in my second post because I had people replying saying I didn’t understand because I was neurotypical. 🙄

and I literally said repeatedly that ops and others struggles are valid whether or not they get an adhd diagnosis. It’s similar to people having gone through trauma being diagnosed with personality disorder. Maybe they do have that disorder or maybe they just had a fucked up childhood which caused maladaptive coping mechanisms and pathologising that may not always be helpful. It’s something to consider before deciding if a diagnosis is the right path for you.

people are allowed to have different opinions.

Different opinions is fine.

Dismissing the validation of a medical assessment is not.

I am partway through a private diagnosis. The NHS route sounds a bit more thorough - does anyone know if this is the case?

I think there’s a lot of truth here

Thank you for this thread. I am convinced I also have ADHD and possibly some autistic traits. It would be a relief to get a diagnosis. I have struggled through life with so many things and it would help for everything to make sense.

If anyone can advice me where I can go I would be so grateful.

You sound like me. I have been diagnosed with adhd as an adult. But I also think adhd is over diagnosed and it's far too wide a category. All the kids seem to be getting adhd and dyslexia diagnosis at my kids school despite getting top scores (the extra time in exams certainly helps).
. I didn't find the psychiatrist consultation particularly useful especially as I l do not want drugs.

I also agree that taking adhd drugs would probably 'benefit' anyone doing routine tasks. Certainly there's a black market trade in them among the kids. They help focus - whether or not you have adhd. So the drugs working is not proof of adhd.

I am classic high functioning adhd. Text book.

the op asked if it was worth getting a diagnosis. My opinion is unless you want medication or the validation then no it’s not because anyone who thinks they have adhd and cares enough that they are willing to go through the process will get a diagnosis of it. And yes I question some of my friends diagnosis’ because of that and the conclusion made during own initial assessment. There isn’t a blood test or an Adhd rash. Psychology is not infallible and people are multifaceted.

that doesn’t mean I think op doesn’t have adhd or that her struggles aren’t valid. It means I think unless she wants medication or feels a label will be validating she may as well save her money and do her own reading.

@Aberration

OP didn't ask whether or not you think the actual diagnostic process is legitimate. OP came here looking for help and you have questioned the validity of the assessment. That's not what anyone who is considering they may be ND needs to hear. It's an ignorant comment to make, sadly all too common. Maybe just stop?

It's a really exhausting fight that nobody actually needs is what I'm trying to say. I'm defensive because I have heard all too many times people dismissing medical professionals because they seem to think they know better. It's boring and enraging at the same time. It's negative, dismissive and just a bit horrible really.

My daughter has recently been diagnosed with ASD and ADHD (hers is inattentive). Tbh, lightbulbs have been going off all over the place here.

DD was originally assessed when she was 6, but she had lots of traits of lots of things, but not enough of any one thing for a firm diagnosis. She’s 17 now and was seeing CAMHS for other stuff who suggested an assessment. She’s found having the diagnosis helpful, it gives her answers, it’s helped her feel a bit more comfortable in her own skin and she’s stopped beating herself up so much - she used to get very frustrated with herself (which contributed to the mental health issues she was seeing CAMHS for). She says she feels like it’s a relief and feels kinder towards herself now she knows there’s a ‘reason’ rather than ‘just failing at life’ - her words, she’s fucking awesome IMO.

For me, I recognise a lot of traits that she has, but I’m 46 so I’m not sure what seeking a diagnosis now would achieve. DD’s diagnosis has answered my questions if that makes any sense

Woah! You disbelieve the diagnoses of kids because they are achieving well?! That's the entire point of getting a diagnosis and putting appropriate support in place, surely?

All the kids seem to be getting adhd and dyslexia diagnosis at my kids school despite getting top scores

Yeah. People with ADHD or dyslexia are not low IQ, why should they not get 'top scores'? It's interesting how you know so much detail about random kids that share a school with your own though.

I have wondered for years. So many similar symptoms to others on this thread. A general feeling since childhood that I wasn’t like others, struggle with so many things others seem able of do so simply/naturally.
can’t finish anything, so many things started and left off. Struggle to concentrate at work, during concentrations, always twitching, fidgeting, I even find it hard to reply to posts on here 😆 forget what I want to say half way through and end up not bothering to post.