That (many/some) people on here are nuts?!

[bluebellsandcustard]

I'm perpetually puzzled about why replies to messages have to be so bitchy! Why though?
I genuinely don't understand why people are not more supportive to those who are clearly in need. Surely that's the point isn't it?
And why so rude??

I genuinely don't understand it. Surely you wouldn't do it or say such things in real life?

I think I'm stuck in the last century......

Totally nuts. Very offensive and dogmatic (political threads). There's a lot of anger about (in my opinion) relatively unimportant things.

There's also a lot of emotion/judgement about anyone that wants a break from having a baby attached to them 24/7. Particularly if a grandparent offers to have the baby for a night so the knackered parents can have one unbroken night's sleep.

I swing from bemused to shocked to horrified on some threads. I'd love to meet some of the more 'passionate' posters as I don't know anyone vaguely like them in my everyday life.

Omg YES.

"My husband said 'hello' to me in a weird way today."

LEAVE HIM.

I'm sorry, that's a threat, leave him.

Eh I would NEVER stay with a pig like that.

When there's a particularly horrible poster, I always wish everyone would completely ignore them and get on with the thread, but no. It nearly always turns into a complete derailment with the troll getting all the attention and poor op might as well give up.

Some people on here so awful it's enough to put me off being here tbh.
So many benefit bashing threads lately is draining. Someone actually suggested that unemployed people and disabled people should be housed in a prison like hospital...

Some people are poorly informed and lack empathy and humanity and MN allow them to spew bile.

I think people are simply more honest here than in public. I’m more suspicious of people since being on here too.

Lots of f*cking mentalists on here . Rude assholes.

I think there are some posters who are deeply unpleasant people. If someone is asking for advice I'm happy to give advice that is critical but I aim to do it in a constructive and kind way. People who pride themselves by giving blunt advice are shits.

You really have to remember that you've no idea who is writing a thread. Someone might be coming across as a knob or a troll but that doesn't mean they are not vulnerable.

Totally agree with you OP… it would almost put you off posting altogether. Some people just thrive off being horrible!

Wasn't it Rochfoucauld who said "men are indifferent to other men, but to a woman every other woman is an enemy," or something like that. Maybe going a bit far, but basically true.

Not true at all.
Not in my life and not true on MN.

There are so many hundred of thousands of posts on here where women have been incredibly supportive to other posters. From support through illness, bereavement, loneliness. Through those early days of being bewildered with a new baby. On the teens board. On the parenting board. Advice re work, re legal rights, re property, re Style and Beauty, re relationships. Also, downright practical things to do with a child's homework or how to fix something or how to use something.
The point is, the AIBU board is for a specific thing..... to find out if you are being unreasonable or not. If you don't want to know that you are, then don't ask the question on this board. The actual POINT of this board is to get an objective viewpoint from people not emotionally involved in the situation.

How ironic that you use language like that, whilst accusing others of being rude.

The ones who just post nasty comments for the sake of it I always envisage living in a dingy bed sit wearing a nylon dressing gown with a fag on

The thread about a woman who was talking about only having 5 days to off her husband to get his pension - I read it and thought it was hilarious. By the time I'd replies there were several really nasty comments! I was like 🙄here we go again.

That's one thing I have noticed, some people seem to have absolutely no sense of humour. That's fine btw, but why on earth post comments on a public forum - it's as though they think they are somehow superior to the rest of us!

Agreed, there is definitely a horrible tone on Mumsnet on most threads. I always try to comment something reasonable and kind, it’s really important that the culture that’s here gets shocked once in a while, and if more of us do that I think it will crumble.

When I first joined 12 years ago anyone being too nice was told to “fuck off to nethuns”, so I don’t think the culture is new, but it’s certainly getting worse. In real life I’ve noticed people are ruder, when talking and when driving, I think Mumsnet is reflecting reality in that way.

Shurrup, you. That's my dream life!

Can you still get nylon dressing gowns?

Agreed.

It's a bit weird the experts which suddenly appear, I posted recently about a benefits issue and quickly a Complience Officer for DWP appeared!

With the Covid threads in recent years suddenly everyone was an ICU nurse / doctor....

Not everyone. Some pockets of this site are like gold dust.

Posters on Relationships helped me to see what an arse my EXDP was, and in some ways gave me the strength to leave him. He hated MN by the way, he was always trying to get me off it!

Posters on Step-parenting supported me through all those incidents where I thought it was me being a wicked stepmother, despite bending over backwards with EXDP's DS.

Posters on Property/DIY were there for me when the vendor of first house I tried to buy after splitting with my EXDP pulled out after 7 months as she'd changed her mind.

I find the posts about senior level jobs interesting as I have one, so it's nice to read about other women in these roles. I also like sharing my story so women see it's possible to go from nothing (financially) and do very well for yourself.

So what I'm trying to say, it really is not all bad.

I think because of the nature of AIBU, it focuses on the negative not the positive. How many threads are there on how great friends/husbands/kids/jobs are? I enjoy all of mine and feel lucky to have them! I don’t want to get accused of stealth boasting by mentioning how lovely people can be.

So I tend to visit rarely, and not be cruel to other people. On the dew occasions I have mentioned people I immediately think - what if someone else assumes this is about them and gets upset? It’s happened before!

I think there's a LOT of projection on certain threads, which is then delivered with furious and absolute assertion that no other explanation/interpretation can possibly be true. It used to be mainly the Relationships threads, where every man who so much as knew the names of three other women must be having an affair, but it's widespread across the boards now.

There's some very funny humour. I'm still sniggering at someone referencing their lady bits as David Bellamy saying wow.

Plus some of the more light-hearted, tongue-in-cheek threads.

That is spot on @HonestlyKen

I don't think it's all bad, yeah you get people who are just arsey for the sake of it but I ignore.
I've found this site helped me get through some of the shittest times of my life.
I think the anonymity of it makes people feel braver than they would be in real life

@bluebellsandcustard I've had some
Really nasty replies to genuine questions or problems too.

I must say 90% I'm of people are lovely and supportive but I do think 10% do go out their way to be horrible.

I hateeeeeee this. Some people go into full interrogation mode. 'Hang on, at 14:57 OP you said X, but now you've just said another variation of X so which is it?' they usually prove themselves to be unable to comprehend what the OP is saying as well and act like they have caught them out in something when they very clearly haven't.

I think the problem with MN is that posters can only post through their own lens. I would never ask for advice for an emotional issue, only factual. How many people do you know who you think are a bit of a twat? Well there are people who think you are a twat, and others who still adore you.