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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel guilty for trying to conceive at the same time as my Sister in Law?

69 replies

Createcomets · 03/08/2022 16:56

So me and my husband have been talking about trying for baby number 2 recently, and decided to start trying in the next few months.

Today I found out that my Sister in Law is also trying for her second. My first is nearly 2, hers is 4.

I've been feeling really guilty all day that me and her are probably going to be pregnant at the same time. I don't want to take away her joy when they do fall pregnant, and I just feel really bad that she won't be the only pregnant person. When she was pregnant with her firat pregnancy she had her baby shower and loads of celebratory things etc and I think just really enjoyed the attention. I'm happy to not have any of that (first baby was born in lockdown so didn't do many celebrations as a family, but never wanted baby showers/gender reveals etc anyway because that's not who I am)

I just feel like I shouldn't try for a second if I know she's trying. Also, my family live 200 miles away and my in laws are 20 mins away. So I'm worried that having another child would put added pressure on my in laws if my SIL is also trying again, because i know theyd want to help us...But also, we feel nearly ready to try again!

I don't really know how I feel.

Has anyone been in a similar situation?

OP posts:
GoldenGorilla · 03/08/2022 16:59

I have literally no idea why this is bothering you.

If you both get pregnant at the same time, nobody will pay as much attention/do baby showers etc for a second child anyway. And it would be lovely for your child to have a cousin the same age nearby.

This wouldn’t make me change my plans at all. There’s no guarantee either of you will get pregnant straight away anyway. Just do whatever suits you and your DH.

skippy67 · 03/08/2022 17:00

You're over thinking. Massively.

yellowsmileyface · 03/08/2022 17:02

If you're ready to have another baby, go for it! It would be silly to plan your pregnancies around not wanting to hurt anybody's feelings. I doubt your SIL would be bothered by it, and if she is, that's her being immature and unreasonable.

Fuckitydoodah · 03/08/2022 17:02

Honestly, don't give it any more thought. You're allowed to try to conceive whenever you want and this shouldn't stop you. Do you think she'd be giving it this much thought? Wouldn't it actually be nice to have cousins a similar age?

Crack on and stop over thinking.

PinkyFlamingo · 03/08/2022 17:03

I can honestly say I dont have a clue why you feel guilty!

RampantIvy · 03/08/2022 17:03

I've been feeling really guilty all day that me and her are probably going to be pregnant at the same time.

Why?
You really are overthinking it.
Having a baby isn't a competition, and it will be lovely for the cousins to be similar in age. TBH, I can't see any negatives here.

35965a · 03/08/2022 17:04

People have babies at the same time as family members and friends all the time. Just live your life and stop overthinking.

lisavanderpumpscloset · 03/08/2022 17:04

Would your SIL put ttc her second on hold for you?

Honestly, the post was unnecessary. Don't overthink it and enjoy ttc!

ShandaLear · 03/08/2022 17:04

You can’t make decisions about your fertility based on what other people will think. The chances are you may not be pregnant at the same time, or they may overlap, or one or both of you might have difficulty conceiving, either now, or a year or two down the line. If you are ready you have a child you really shouldn’t put it off in case your MIL is a bit busy for a year or two. Besides, it would be lovely to have cousins the same age and very exciting for all of you.

DogWithMyOwnRoom · 03/08/2022 17:06

i mean this in the kindest possible way- but that is a ridiculous thing to feel guilty about!
You are far too nice for your own good, please do not change plans for your own family because of this.

hattie43 · 03/08/2022 17:07

A child is a life changing event not something to be chimed into a calendar fitting around others .

Aquamarine1029 · 03/08/2022 17:07

It is very, very odd that this is something you're feeling "guilty" about. You've done nothing wrong and getting pregnant has nothing to do with her. The emotional energy you're wasting on this is exhausting. Just go ahead with your plans and let all this nonsense go.

Ihatethenewlook · 03/08/2022 17:08

It’s so depressing that there are people out there so attention seeking and self absorbed that they make other people feel this way. Why can’t this be a good thing? It can be nice to have a ‘bump buddy’ and share all the good and shitty things that come with pregnancy. And you can potentially have two little babies to grow up together.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 03/08/2022 17:08

I also see no issue- both hopefully having second babies, surely people are two busy with their toddler to care. I think cousins around the same age would be a blessing

RainyDays22 · 03/08/2022 17:09

My dc and their cousin are 11 days apart. You're massively over thinking this.

Rainbowshit · 03/08/2022 17:09

Huh?

Fladdermus · 03/08/2022 17:10

What's the alternative? Do you wait until she's birthed her second child? What if that takes her years, or doesn't happen at all?

TiniestClanger · 03/08/2022 17:10

It would be lovely to have cousins the same age.

You’re worrying about nothing!

Pastposter · 03/08/2022 17:11

When did pregnancy become a race/competition? I, genuinely, don't under this 'I must be the centre of attention/I don't want to steal anyone's thunder'
My SIL fell pregnant at the same time as me. Neither of us thought anything of it. We had babies a week apart. Grandparents had 2 new grandchildren instead of one and the world carried on turning.......

HeyMona · 03/08/2022 17:12

I don't understand your reservations.
If you were worried because one of you had trouble conceiving or previous miscarriages or something, I could understand a bit where you're coming from but would still say not to delay for those reasons.
Cousins close in age if you're both lucky enough is great. The grandparents would most likely be delighted.

To be honest I don't really know why you even know they're TTC. I can't imagine they would be turning this over to the same degree.

GreenManalishi · 03/08/2022 17:13

I just feel really bad that she won't be the only pregnant person.

Mate, she won't be the only pregnant person, they're literally everywhere. What is it about her that makes you feel she deserves this elevated status and deference to the point you'd even consider arranging your family planning around her?

Why do you naturally fall into second place? Stop it!

WombaMaPonga · 03/08/2022 17:14

It wouldn't even cross my mind, but then I wouldn't be discussing it with anyone but my partner
Odd

Tibtilkobkob · 03/08/2022 17:23

This is such a non-issue.

blacksax · 03/08/2022 17:24

pregnant person

😂🙄

AnneLovesGilbert · 03/08/2022 17:29

Tbh it doesn’t sound like you are ready to ttc or this wouldn’t even have crossed your mind. Is it an excuse to wait a bit longer?