To feel guilty for trying to conceive at the same time as my Sister in Law?

[Createcomets]

So me and my husband have been talking about trying for baby number 2 recently, and decided to start trying in the next few months.

Today I found out that my Sister in Law is also trying for her second. My first is nearly 2, hers is 4.

I've been feeling really guilty all day that me and her are probably going to be pregnant at the same time. I don't want to take away her joy when they do fall pregnant, and I just feel really bad that she won't be the only pregnant person. When she was pregnant with her firat pregnancy she had her baby shower and loads of celebratory things etc and I think just really enjoyed the attention. I'm happy to not have any of that (first baby was born in lockdown so didn't do many celebrations as a family, but never wanted baby showers/gender reveals etc anyway because that's not who I am)

I just feel like I shouldn't try for a second if I know she's trying. Also, my family live 200 miles away and my in laws are 20 mins away. So I'm worried that having another child would put added pressure on my in laws if my SIL is also trying again, because i know theyd want to help us...But also, we feel nearly ready to try again!

I don't really know how I feel.

Has anyone been in a similar situation?

To add. You have absolutely nothing to be guilty about

Well don't do it then.

Somehow I suspect you don't feel that guilty

When she was pregnant with her first pregnancy she had her baby shower and loads of celebratory things etc and I think just really enjoyed the attention. I'm happy to not have any of that
🙄

No one does baby showers for the second , I think it's fine... people are allowed to be pregnant at the same time 😀

Get the job done. You are over thinking it.

For goodness sake why are you even giving this a second thought!?

Just get on with it if you want another baby

I'm going through a similar worry atm, SIL has just given birth to her 1st 2 months ago and we've just found out we're expecting our second. I've been worried from the minute we found out about everyone's reaction, I'm worried sil will be disappointed that hers isn't the baby of the family anymore, I know I'm overthinking it and that everyone will be overjoyed but it's just niggling at me.

How odd.

Cousins who will grow up together. How nice.

Since when did people announce we are trying to conceive?

It's ridiculous isn't it.

I was pregnant with my first at the same as as my sister and two cousins were pregnant. It was the complete opposite to what you're thinking in that it was great! We had a pregnancy WhatsApp group and chatted away there. When the babies were all born we would message in the night 'Hey. You up too? I love the baby but I WISH the baby would sleep' sort of thing. It was like our own ready made Mums group. The kids are all close in age but a few months apart and they see each other all the time. It's honestly great. (Also great if you're one of the last ones to get pregnant and you get all the hand-me-downs 😂😂). I really wouldn't worry about it at all. There's completely no rule that it's one pregnant woman at a time in a family, and there can be big up-sides to there being more than one. You've no need to feel guilty! Crack on!

You're really setting yourself up for a lifetime of useless anxiety. "My SiL is having her child's first birthday party next weekend, would it be unreasonable if I were to hold just a small gathering at mine for my dc whose 1st birthday is this weekend?" "My dc graduated uni but their cousin has to repeat an exam, would it be unreasonable to celebrate my dc's graduation?"

Where does it end?

This. There are no guarantees while TTC (took us over 2 years for DC2) but if it does work out for you both, it's likely that both of your DC will enjoy having a cousin close in age. I really can't see how anyone can view this as anything but a positive.

My cousin is 2 months older than me. We grew up in different countries till age 10, then my aunt and uncle moved back home to the same town as my family and my cousin ended up in the same class as me. We have been best friends since - close as sisters. Its great!

I have never known family planning to do low

Is the real issue that you're bothered you'll not be the only pregnant one? After such a low key first pregnancy?

It’s lovely to have first cousins the same age. Our family is full of them!

I have never known family planning to be ensuring you are not pregnant same time as someone else you know for fear of taking their shine. You are completely overthinking, if you are ready for another baby, go for it, there's is absolutely no reason in the world to be considering someone else. 2 years is also a lovely gap to have, both your children will have each other to play with, day trips will be easier as they are similar in age.

My sil and I were pregnant same time, I gave birth 1 week after her, although my due date was 1 week earlier than hers. She didn't know I was trying simply because I don't think it's anyones business if I'm planning a child except for myself and dh. We were both overjoyed for each other, and the fact we were preg together, it was nice as we were able to discuss a lot of the pregnancy

I have some real shocking news for you. Women are (gasp) people too! Who knew, eh?

OP, this is a complete nonproblem. Having same aged cousins will be lovely especially as you live close, you can help each other out with easy childcare in the years to come.