Slightly offended by donation

[roadtohapiness]

So I’ve got a school mum that I known for a few months and we kinda get along well, sometimes she looks after my DS (paid arrangement) and she is a good person. So the problem is not her really. I think it’s me!

she told me someone she knew was relocating and therefore donating some school uniforms all in good condition and asked if I wanted some. I said “well… yes, no problem”. Then a few days ago she arrived here with 3 huge bags full of clothes from the woman, and honestly, I would be embarrassed to give those to anyone! Stained clothes, shorts with holes, everything very worn out and old.

AIBU to feel slightly offended? Both my husband and I work and we have a fairly decent life. Not rich but definitely not poor. We can definitely afford new clothes. Ok I perhaps should have said “no, I’m actually decluttering our wardrobes and donating a lot of bags” (which is true) but I just said “okay” because I’m such a stupid acquiescent person! Your thoughts please.

I would have refused to take them.

Is there anything usable in there? Just sort though and throw away anything that’s too old or tatty.

I don’t think there’s anything to be offended about here.

your friend probably didn’t look at the clothes. Her friend just wanted an easy way to get rid of them. You said yes 🤷‍♀️

I also imagine she didn't look in the bags as she was just passing them on. Just pop them in the recycling bin.

I probably wouldn't take offence as to being offered them - I was always happy to receive cast offs from friends who had children a couple of years older than mine . Just used what was appropriate for us .

Doubt she looked in the bag. She didn’t do anything wrong.

However, the person donating them was clearly a bit cheeky and clearly was looking for someone to save her a trip to the tip with her junk.

I'd ask for her address and take them all back and leave at her front door.

You shouldn't have to deal with getting rid, but you can put any standard of clothing in the salvation army donation bins and they grade it and use tatty stuff to shred for insulation etc.. Better for the environment than binning it.

I agree that she probably didn't look in the bags and just passed them on

I think she was used by the other woman to get rid of tat whilst giving herself a pat on the back for being oh so generous - but I wouldn't hold that against your friend.

Yabu and over thinking. People like to think they are giving things away because it salves their conscience. Actually it's often.a pile of crap that needs to be chucked- so chuck it. It's why a lot of the thi gs donated to charity end of being binned.

The person donating is unreasonable. The friend who gave them to you is surely unaware of the state they are in?

Sounds like the are unusable so definitely not a reflection on you being able to afford clothes. Passing on clothes in good condition is a great idea (green as well as cost saving), passing on ruined clothes is awful.

As others have said I doubt your friends knows she has probably passed the parcel from one person to another .

As the clothes are not useable I'm not even sure it's worth putting them in the recycling .

Some of the tattiest hand me downs we ever received were from the most financially comfortable family in our extended family - think odd shoes, holey clothes, zips broken on coats. I'm sure they genuinely thought they were being helpful too but it always meant I basically sifted through their stuff to determine what could be sent to charity/rags/or used by us.

But your friend was just the delivery person so I wouldn't think much of it

She probably didn't look at the stuff and just thought you might want to save yourself the bother of uniform shopping.

Someone offering to give you something like that doesn't mean they think you're poor. Lots of people are pleased to get a perfectly usable item for nothing even if they can afford to get it new. She thought she was offering you some decent stuff and it turned out not to be, that's all.

People telling you to dump it all on her doorstep or whatever are mad.

She was helping 2 people in her mind. Friend 1 said they had school uniforms to give. Friend 2 (you) said yes.
The fact that they are rags is not her fault.

I once got a bag of baby clothes that was fit for the tip, nothing useable at all and there were two wet nappies in the bag too. I imagine your friend doesn't know what's in the bags.

I think I’ll just dump them in our local Salvation Army recycling bin and I agree, perhaps my friend was just used by the other woman to save her a trip to the tip!

You are being a bit unreasonable to moan about it afterwards instead of checking the bags and saying ‘no thanks’ at the time. 🤷🏻‍♀️

This happened to me from a close family member, who was financially comfortable. I was shocked at the state of the baby clothes. They all had stains/rips/bobbled, I was super offended. I phoned a local charity shop, and explained the state of these clothes. They said they didn't want them, as they wouldnt sell. I literally threw them all in the bin.

And did your family member ask if you liked the clothes or were using them? If my friend asks I’m inclined to say that perhaps the said woman just needed someone to take those clothes to the tip and used both of us 😅