Slightly offended by donation

[roadtohapiness]

So I’ve got a school mum that I known for a few months and we kinda get along well, sometimes she looks after my DS (paid arrangement) and she is a good person. So the problem is not her really. I think it’s me!

she told me someone she knew was relocating and therefore donating some school uniforms all in good condition and asked if I wanted some. I said “well… yes, no problem”. Then a few days ago she arrived here with 3 huge bags full of clothes from the woman, and honestly, I would be embarrassed to give those to anyone! Stained clothes, shorts with holes, everything very worn out and old.

AIBU to feel slightly offended? Both my husband and I work and we have a fairly decent life. Not rich but definitely not poor. We can definitely afford new clothes. Ok I perhaps should have said “no, I’m actually decluttering our wardrobes and donating a lot of bags” (which is true) but I just said “okay” because I’m such a stupid acquiescent person! Your thoughts please.

Don’t waste your time being offended. Sg

Surprised so many voted YABU, no idea why. It’s so rude to donate ruined clothes to anyone or anywhere. Recycle them sure but don’t donate them, nobody can make use of destroyed clothes especially when it’s uniform so has to be smart!

You could have said no. Then you wouldn't have been offended now. Lesson learned on honesty.

YABU - why is it acquiescent to accept used clothes? It's more sustainable for starters. That they weren't in acceptable condition to you is hardly your friend's fault so you don't have to take offence - and really, feeling offended at something like this is hardly the road to a happy life. Just put them in a clothes recycling place, for anything that isn't wearable the textiles can still be recycled.

Exactly this.

Our council won’t take accept textiles in the general waste. You get a shirty note and they leave all your household waste behind because you broke the rules.

The textiles ALL have to be taken to recycling centres or ‘bring banks’, no matter how tatty. Fortunately there are ‘ragging’ banks at many supermarkets as well as banks for decent stuff.

So if the OP or other posters live in an area like mine, it’s not just as simple as slinging the bags out on the pavement. We are monitored 👀

Anyway it’s good to recycle.

You could break the cycle of the rotten clothes being passed on.
I know you didn't ask for them, but 'dumping them in the Sally Army recycling bin' is pretty much passing the problem onto someone else - a charity no less.

If you have time it would be nice to sort the bags, throw out what really isn't wearable and pass on what is.

Do you think the Salvation Army volunteers won't be offended by the same things as you? Do you think recipients of charity shop clothes will be OK with the stained clothes?

My thoughts are that I'd probably ask if she dropped the wrong bag off.

Ok I perhaps should have said “no, I’m actually decluttering our wardrobes and donating a lot of bags” (which is true) but I just said “okay” because I’m such a stupid acquiescent person! Your thoughts please.

You weren’t to know the quantity or the state they’d be in. Could have just been a couple of jumpers and trousers in reasonable condition. It doesn’t sound like your friend knew either. She could have been surprised at the quantity but not bothered to look to see what they were like.

My friends and I are always doing this, swapping amongst each other. Some of the school jumpers have had 2 or 3 owners by the time we have done. It isn't a status or charity thing, it's just recycling. 🤷‍♀️

Well you said yes!

And I wouldnt have thought she looked in the bag, just took the womans word for what it was.

Chuck them if you dont need them

@TheOrigRights a 'Salvation Army Recycling Bin means the clothes are recycled. Not sold for wearing but sold for rag recycling. This is what you are meant to do with clothes that are too worn out 🙄
It's not 'passing on a problem' to a charity - it's using a service a charity provides.

She probably didn’t even look in the bags. Donate to charity, they’ll sell them as rags.

Don't be offended.

My brother used to do this to me (he'd just turn up with a massive bin liner). Hardly anything would be useable.

Because he's my brother I just gave them back and said in a jokey manner "stop being lazy, look through them first before you give to people".

I turn up at the charity shop with my donation clothing sorted into ‘clean rags’ and ‘could be resold’ and they’re delighted. If it’s all that bad just tell them it’s all rags.

People often don't realise how tatty their clothes have become, I get hand me down school uniform with chewed sleeves and holes, because their children wore it they think its still OK, you've looked at it with fresh eyes, no need to be offended, just scrap it.

I'm in a circle of mums who pass things on.

Even if only one thing is useful for you then that's a win!

Take anything you like, clothes bin the worn out stuff and pass on the still-good-for-someone-else stuff.

Top tip for passing on is: find out from the person giving what they expect. Ask what to do with the stuff after you've used it. If they say get rid of it, do. Just check they won't ask for it back in 2 years for their younger child.

Its likely her friend told her they were in good condition - she's unlikely to have looked in the bag. I think you are being over sensitive she was just trying to help. Its not about whether you have money or not its about whether you can save some. We surely all want to save some money?

This is spot on!

She may not have realised what condition they were in, if she was passing them on from someone else.

Check with the charity shop first. Some do this but others don’t.

I just read somewhere here that Salvation Army can use those types of clothes as insulation or something like that.

unfortunately I’ve got no time to sort them out. So perhaps just a trip to my local tip (or returning them to its owner)

True! It’s only as tatty as the last time their child wore it!

Ah right, then I apologise for being a preachy twit.

Can’t believe how many deletions on this thread, what is everyone saying?!